I just don't want to.
Man it smells in here like a rotten balloon after someone has tried to blow it up for the past hour. I know that is no way to start off a journal, but who is really reading this? That's what I thought. No one. For some reason I just can't do work right now. I am like fuck school right now. But then another thought keeps fighting its way to surface that says "You better do your work or you won't get out of this hell hole" well I guess I like living in hell then. I have such a head boo boo right now. I don't know if it is from giving blood or if it is from something else like stress. My Health is sooooo bad right now. I guess I still have high blood pressure even though I changed my diet. Maybe I should go vegan to get really health-e.
I've been depressed lately just thinking about really how bad the summer was and how it almost killed me. I was just thinking about my other grandma and it jumped in my head with what happened in May with her and being in the hospital. I almost lost both grandmothers in such a short time. What is really sad that I found out from my mom is that we are so poor now with all of us being in school and dad being out of work, mom can't even afford to go visit grandpa to make sure he is doing ok. Life is really doing a number on my family. I just don't help but feel bad for myself when I know I shouldn't. I feel so bad for grandpa being all alone and being in the house all by himself. And not to forget Unkle Will-e needing grandma to sick to reality and now she is gone. I just hope he will make it now. I just miss her so much. I just wanted to say I loved her before she went. Why couldn't god just give me that? WHY? How could such a being do this to me and so many others. I hate life. It's never fair with what you are dealt in life I guess. I swear I'll never be happy again. This is just eating me from within. I wish Suz was here. I really could use a good friend. All of my friends here are too busy to give a shit. Well I guess life goes on. But I rather it didn't.
I've been depressed lately just thinking about really how bad the summer was and how it almost killed me. I was just thinking about my other grandma and it jumped in my head with what happened in May with her and being in the hospital. I almost lost both grandmothers in such a short time. What is really sad that I found out from my mom is that we are so poor now with all of us being in school and dad being out of work, mom can't even afford to go visit grandpa to make sure he is doing ok. Life is really doing a number on my family. I just don't help but feel bad for myself when I know I shouldn't. I feel so bad for grandpa being all alone and being in the house all by himself. And not to forget Unkle Will-e needing grandma to sick to reality and now she is gone. I just hope he will make it now. I just miss her so much. I just wanted to say I loved her before she went. Why couldn't god just give me that? WHY? How could such a being do this to me and so many others. I hate life. It's never fair with what you are dealt in life I guess. I swear I'll never be happy again. This is just eating me from within. I wish Suz was here. I really could use a good friend. All of my friends here are too busy to give a shit. Well I guess life goes on. But I rather it didn't.