Cultural Diffusion (fic)
Title: Cultural Diffusion
Rating: PG
Characters: Carmela, a few OC's (chatroom buddies)
Summary: Carmela knows the value of culture. Set... sometime after Wizards at War, but without any references to it. A bit silly.
has signed in.
woggy1066: mela's back! *wavewavewave*
Time_Fishy: Woggy missed you.
xXquartzXx: *hug* *squish*
Time_Fishy: We had to hear her miss you for hours on end.
MelaTheMerciless: nice to know that I’m loved
woggy1066: what happen?
MelaTheMerciless: somebody set us up the bomb!
woggy1066: he will taste my claws
Time_Fishy: Are you injured?
xXquartzXx: if so, the culprit is RUST
MelaTheMerciless: I’m kidding!
MelaTheMerciless: seriously, natural Earth phenom kept me offline
woggy1066: ???
Time_Fishy: Nothing short of total disaster does that.
MelaTheMerciless: ceremonial tests to determine my fate. my people call them ‘exams’…
woggy1066: nooooooooo!! *dies*
xXquartzXx: *runs away in terror*
Time_Fishy: Alone at last. However shall we pass the time?
MelaTheMerciless: there are words for things like you
Time_Fishy: Dapper? Debonair? Devious?
xXquartzXx: dorky?
MelaTheMerciless: no fair using hard words!
woggy1066: fishy being silly-ignore it
Time_Fishy: *does not like the direction of this conversation*
MelaTheMerciless: I have a surprise for you
xXquartzXx: *will step on Fishy someday*
MelaTheMerciless: if you promise to BEHAVE
woggy1066: presents?!?!? best alien ever!
xXquartzXx: music? stars in the heavens are mere lamps compared to your brilliance
Time_Fishy: It seems your absence has been forgiven.
MelaTheMerciless: a new Earth film for you
MelaTheMerciless: the special effects are the best available
MelaTheMerciless: and a certain mechanoid flatterer should appreciate it
MelaTheMerciless: it’s called Transformers
Time_Fishy: Oh, dear.
woggy1066: this should be fun
xXquartzXx: I HAVE ALL THE EPISODES OF ALL THE SERIES THEY FINALLY MADE A DECENT MOVIE OH THANK YOU BELOVED EARTH SQUISHIE
MelaTheMerciless: why do I think you’re a total Optimus fanbot?
xXquartzXx: SHUT UP IRONHIDE IS THE STUFF OF LEGENDS
Time_Fishy: Mela, you should know that when Quartz learned of your home planet’s designation, the only things that kept it from asking about Transformers were fear of ridicule and pain of death.
woggy1066: can we go to film.central and just watch the thing?
MelaTheMerciless: we have GOT to schedule a meetup someday…
* * *
A few decades, a galactic incident, and a public relations campaign later…
“As far as weirdness goes, Tokyo has been top of the heap for several decades running. Today we’ll be making Earth’s first official diplomatic contact with no less than three alien species, whose representatives will be meeting us at Shibuya Station just like human tourists have done for years. The city’s been locked down in order to maintain some semblance of order, but as you can see by the hundreds of confused cosplayers in the crowd, Tokyo’s infamous weirdness is sure to be cemented in history. New York?” Carmela paused. “Try to beat this one.”
The news anchors erupted in a flurry of shouts and microphones. She ignored them in favor of walking back to the platform, patting the statue of Hachiko absently along the way. The Empress looked uncharacteristically rattled.
Sure enough, once Carmela was close enough the Empress directed a whisper her way. “You’re sure they are trustworthy, Ms. Rodriguez?”
“One hundred percent, Your Majesty. We’ve been trading culture since I was a teenager.” Considering which city tended to get trashed, mentioning their love of giant robot and monster films didn’t strike her as a good idea.
Thirty yards from the statue where they stood, the air wobbled.
The shouts of the crowd became a roar. Despite the crush, a group dressed as the cast of Dragonball Z broke into a dance routine. The Empress made a tiny noise of dismay. Every policeman and security officer in sight briefly forgot how to breathe. Carmela made a mental note to get Tokyo’s worldgate operators a commendation and a truckload of sushi each.
The worldgate blurred. Slowly, it stretched higher… and higher… and higher.
Several generations of mecha and monster fans were vindicated at once.
A gigantic brown-black manta ray, seventy feet long and nearly as broad, glided in overhead in an immense bubble of some fluid. Right below it stalked a sort of reptilian ostrich, waving to the crowd (and, on Carmela’s advice, trying not to show her teeth). And behind them walked thirty-five feet of gleaming metal alien, as vivid a red as a florist’s best roses in between the coils of black and amber paint. In the wake of their entry, the worldgate collapsed unnoticed.
Even the cosplayers went quiet.
The three vistors, remembering their duties, paused their rubbernecking to bow to their hosts. The Empress rose and bowed back.
Carmela stepped up, bracing herself for the endless tide of diplomacy yet to come. The mechanoid leaned in close. In the voice of an actor dead for years, it intoned, “Bah-weep-graaaaagnah-weep-ni-ni-bong.”
Of the millions watching with bated breath, roughly one-quarter of them burst into helpless laughter.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
End notes: Shibuya Station has a statue of an Akita named Hachiko that serves as a popular landmark and meeting place. Seemed as good a place for a worldgate as any.The nonsense Quartz spit out was 'the universal greeting' in the older, animatedTransformers film.
Rating: PG
Characters: Carmela, a few OC's (chatroom buddies)
Summary: Carmela knows the value of culture. Set... sometime after Wizards at War, but without any references to it. A bit silly.
has signed in.
woggy1066: mela's back! *wavewavewave*
Time_Fishy: Woggy missed you.
xXquartzXx: *hug* *squish*
Time_Fishy: We had to hear her miss you for hours on end.
MelaTheMerciless: nice to know that I’m loved
woggy1066: what happen?
MelaTheMerciless: somebody set us up the bomb!
woggy1066: he will taste my claws
Time_Fishy: Are you injured?
xXquartzXx: if so, the culprit is RUST
MelaTheMerciless: I’m kidding!
MelaTheMerciless: seriously, natural Earth phenom kept me offline
woggy1066: ???
Time_Fishy: Nothing short of total disaster does that.
MelaTheMerciless: ceremonial tests to determine my fate. my people call them ‘exams’…
woggy1066: nooooooooo!! *dies*
xXquartzXx: *runs away in terror*
Time_Fishy: Alone at last. However shall we pass the time?
MelaTheMerciless: there are words for things like you
Time_Fishy: Dapper? Debonair? Devious?
xXquartzXx: dorky?
MelaTheMerciless: no fair using hard words!
woggy1066: fishy being silly-ignore it
Time_Fishy: *does not like the direction of this conversation*
MelaTheMerciless: I have a surprise for you
xXquartzXx: *will step on Fishy someday*
MelaTheMerciless: if you promise to BEHAVE
woggy1066: presents?!?!? best alien ever!
xXquartzXx: music? stars in the heavens are mere lamps compared to your brilliance
Time_Fishy: It seems your absence has been forgiven.
MelaTheMerciless: a new Earth film for you
MelaTheMerciless: the special effects are the best available
MelaTheMerciless: and a certain mechanoid flatterer should appreciate it
MelaTheMerciless: it’s called Transformers
Time_Fishy: Oh, dear.
woggy1066: this should be fun
xXquartzXx: I HAVE ALL THE EPISODES OF ALL THE SERIES THEY FINALLY MADE A DECENT MOVIE OH THANK YOU BELOVED EARTH SQUISHIE
MelaTheMerciless: why do I think you’re a total Optimus fanbot?
xXquartzXx: SHUT UP IRONHIDE IS THE STUFF OF LEGENDS
Time_Fishy: Mela, you should know that when Quartz learned of your home planet’s designation, the only things that kept it from asking about Transformers were fear of ridicule and pain of death.
woggy1066: can we go to film.central and just watch the thing?
MelaTheMerciless: we have GOT to schedule a meetup someday…
* * *
A few decades, a galactic incident, and a public relations campaign later…
“As far as weirdness goes, Tokyo has been top of the heap for several decades running. Today we’ll be making Earth’s first official diplomatic contact with no less than three alien species, whose representatives will be meeting us at Shibuya Station just like human tourists have done for years. The city’s been locked down in order to maintain some semblance of order, but as you can see by the hundreds of confused cosplayers in the crowd, Tokyo’s infamous weirdness is sure to be cemented in history. New York?” Carmela paused. “Try to beat this one.”
The news anchors erupted in a flurry of shouts and microphones. She ignored them in favor of walking back to the platform, patting the statue of Hachiko absently along the way. The Empress looked uncharacteristically rattled.
Sure enough, once Carmela was close enough the Empress directed a whisper her way. “You’re sure they are trustworthy, Ms. Rodriguez?”
“One hundred percent, Your Majesty. We’ve been trading culture since I was a teenager.” Considering which city tended to get trashed, mentioning their love of giant robot and monster films didn’t strike her as a good idea.
Thirty yards from the statue where they stood, the air wobbled.
The shouts of the crowd became a roar. Despite the crush, a group dressed as the cast of Dragonball Z broke into a dance routine. The Empress made a tiny noise of dismay. Every policeman and security officer in sight briefly forgot how to breathe. Carmela made a mental note to get Tokyo’s worldgate operators a commendation and a truckload of sushi each.
The worldgate blurred. Slowly, it stretched higher… and higher… and higher.
Several generations of mecha and monster fans were vindicated at once.
A gigantic brown-black manta ray, seventy feet long and nearly as broad, glided in overhead in an immense bubble of some fluid. Right below it stalked a sort of reptilian ostrich, waving to the crowd (and, on Carmela’s advice, trying not to show her teeth). And behind them walked thirty-five feet of gleaming metal alien, as vivid a red as a florist’s best roses in between the coils of black and amber paint. In the wake of their entry, the worldgate collapsed unnoticed.
Even the cosplayers went quiet.
The three vistors, remembering their duties, paused their rubbernecking to bow to their hosts. The Empress rose and bowed back.
Carmela stepped up, bracing herself for the endless tide of diplomacy yet to come. The mechanoid leaned in close. In the voice of an actor dead for years, it intoned, “Bah-weep-graaaaagnah-weep-ni-ni-bong.”
Of the millions watching with bated breath, roughly one-quarter of them burst into helpless laughter.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
End notes: Shibuya Station has a statue of an Akita named Hachiko that serves as a popular landmark and meeting place. Seemed as good a place for a worldgate as any.The nonsense Quartz spit out was 'the universal greeting' in the older, animatedTransformers film.