short of breath
so i just saw this movie, frailty, and what scared me was not the images that i found on my dusty screen.. it was how very possibile it all was at first, when they were killing. how impressionable children are.
are we anything but what we are made?
and i am tired of retreating to no thought, to silencing myself.
andand..
iamshortofbreath. with the wind knocked out of me earlier, it never really returned, hitting 110mph didn't do a whole lot to me, for me, but i can't really explain why. i got all worked up because taylor got all worked up, and my heart rate didn't really go up that much. i remember being pretty calm throughout the entire endeavor, i remember thinking "this is it?" when i got a meager dose of adrenaline, but trying to go with it.
maybe it was the apathy.
maybe it's much, much to dangerous a habit to have.
i still cannot bring myself to put on my bells, to walk around and jingle, but i'm not sure i'm sad. i just am, really. i really do react too quickly, think ill to easily, turn into whatever far too easily..
she really does deserve better, and.. sigh.
i have the worst timing in the world.
simply wishing to get past this, to learn whatever lesson there is to be found or made up and move on. i do not need those things, i do not need that love. i can exist without it, i will.
i must.
i shall.
and.. something.
i told her i'd never think ill of her, told her i couldn't, obiviously, i am a liar.
liarpants
are we anything but what we are made?
and i am tired of retreating to no thought, to silencing myself.
andand..
iamshortofbreath. with the wind knocked out of me earlier, it never really returned, hitting 110mph didn't do a whole lot to me, for me, but i can't really explain why. i got all worked up because taylor got all worked up, and my heart rate didn't really go up that much. i remember being pretty calm throughout the entire endeavor, i remember thinking "this is it?" when i got a meager dose of adrenaline, but trying to go with it.
maybe it was the apathy.
maybe it's much, much to dangerous a habit to have.
i still cannot bring myself to put on my bells, to walk around and jingle, but i'm not sure i'm sad. i just am, really. i really do react too quickly, think ill to easily, turn into whatever far too easily..
she really does deserve better, and.. sigh.
i have the worst timing in the world.
simply wishing to get past this, to learn whatever lesson there is to be found or made up and move on. i do not need those things, i do not need that love. i can exist without it, i will.
i must.
i shall.
and.. something.
i told her i'd never think ill of her, told her i couldn't, obiviously, i am a liar.
liarpants