Confess & Forsake
Pipes got me an iPod, just a few days before our wedding. A nice, 80 gig Classic, with video and the whole shebang. It's inscribed on the back with the message, "I'm the Luckiest". (A reference to our song) She almost got me the iPod Touch, but those piddly little 16-gig devices just wouldn't have anything close to the capacity needed for my music. In fact, I have so much music that I had to enable "disk functionality" on my iPod, just to use some of its space for additional storage. (After filling up an external hard drive or two, and leaving some space for OS X to breathe)
Of course, what happens when a guy like me gets a new toy? No wait, I'll approach this another way. This is worse than just a new toy.
Who, here, is familiar with the story of that rat, where they electronically wired its feeder-bar to the pleasure-center of its brain? At first, it only pressed once or twice, and -- WOW! -- what a great result occurred! It wondered what would happen if it pressed the bar again. And again. And again and again. And then, before it knew it, the rat had foregone any sense of normal ratness to just KEEP/P/P PRES/S/S/ING/G/G THAT BAR/R/R!!! (After all, it's just one little press, right?)
That feeder bar is the [BUY] button on iTunes.
At least, for me it was. All of those well-remembered (and memory-associated) 80s songs. Even older classics. Material to feed my Halloween and Christmas playlists. New and interesting stuff keeps coming out every day, too. It's only a dollar a download, or ten dollars for a whole album, and that's how they get you. Millions of little bombs, filled with deadly, instant musical gratification, flown in right below the financial radar.
I finally regained my sanity in one sudden, reality-restoring, cold-sweat inducing, soul-jarring jolt, while reviewing my bank statement.
I normally don't let my inner beast get away like that, but music is obviously a weak-point for me. And it's not just music, it's audiobooks, podcasts (the one, usually-free item) and even movies. Stuff we can listen to during the many hours we spend in the car, shuttling Sunshine and Shade to school, dance classes and other destinations across the valley. Stuff I can use to feed my brain during the dead hours between midnight and four, while I'm at work on the night shift. (Instead of just pouring on more caffeine, at 170 calories per can of Mountain Dew)
Pipes has been very understanding. In fact, she's pleased that I like my new toy... but gave me a swat and told me not to ever let it happen again. And, in a way, that's the worst punishment of all in this situation: loving forgiveness. I almost wish she would get more outwardly angry at me. But she's being so understanding that she already knows I'm beating myself up pretty bad over it. I didn't quite put us in the poor-house, but we've had shuffle a few things around to make it work this month. I feel like a complete a**.
So I've sworn off iTunes for a month or more. And then, I'm going to have an allowance in the budget we're working up for combining our finances. In fact, I'm excited at the prospect that we may be able to put some money away, and maybe save up for a couple of new purchases. Like a new computer, and an HDTV.
Of course, I was so filled with guilt and a sense of my own financial dishonor, that I begged Pipes to not mention it to anyone else... but here I am, confessing my utter stupidity to the rest of you. There's a scripture somewhere that says, if one is truly penitent, one will confess and forsake one's sins. Maybe that's
why I found this story flowing from my fingers onto the screen this morning. I don't know. It's a story that wants to be told.
I do know I'll be much more careful from now on.
At least, until we get that new computer.
Of course, what happens when a guy like me gets a new toy? No wait, I'll approach this another way. This is worse than just a new toy.
Who, here, is familiar with the story of that rat, where they electronically wired its feeder-bar to the pleasure-center of its brain? At first, it only pressed once or twice, and -- WOW! -- what a great result occurred! It wondered what would happen if it pressed the bar again. And again. And again and again. And then, before it knew it, the rat had foregone any sense of normal ratness to just KEEP/P/P PRES/S/S/ING/G/G THAT BAR/R/R!!! (After all, it's just one little press, right?)
That feeder bar is the [BUY] button on iTunes.
At least, for me it was. All of those well-remembered (and memory-associated) 80s songs. Even older classics. Material to feed my Halloween and Christmas playlists. New and interesting stuff keeps coming out every day, too. It's only a dollar a download, or ten dollars for a whole album, and that's how they get you. Millions of little bombs, filled with deadly, instant musical gratification, flown in right below the financial radar.
I finally regained my sanity in one sudden, reality-restoring, cold-sweat inducing, soul-jarring jolt, while reviewing my bank statement.
I normally don't let my inner beast get away like that, but music is obviously a weak-point for me. And it's not just music, it's audiobooks, podcasts (the one, usually-free item) and even movies. Stuff we can listen to during the many hours we spend in the car, shuttling Sunshine and Shade to school, dance classes and other destinations across the valley. Stuff I can use to feed my brain during the dead hours between midnight and four, while I'm at work on the night shift. (Instead of just pouring on more caffeine, at 170 calories per can of Mountain Dew)
Pipes has been very understanding. In fact, she's pleased that I like my new toy... but gave me a swat and told me not to ever let it happen again. And, in a way, that's the worst punishment of all in this situation: loving forgiveness. I almost wish she would get more outwardly angry at me. But she's being so understanding that she already knows I'm beating myself up pretty bad over it. I didn't quite put us in the poor-house, but we've had shuffle a few things around to make it work this month. I feel like a complete a**.
So I've sworn off iTunes for a month or more. And then, I'm going to have an allowance in the budget we're working up for combining our finances. In fact, I'm excited at the prospect that we may be able to put some money away, and maybe save up for a couple of new purchases. Like a new computer, and an HDTV.
Of course, I was so filled with guilt and a sense of my own financial dishonor, that I begged Pipes to not mention it to anyone else... but here I am, confessing my utter stupidity to the rest of you. There's a scripture somewhere that says, if one is truly penitent, one will confess and forsake one's sins. Maybe that's
why I found this story flowing from my fingers onto the screen this morning. I don't know. It's a story that wants to be told.
I do know I'll be much more careful from now on.
At least, until we get that new computer.