INFantile
Ever get that ever so slight feeling that someone -- especially a woman -- is angry? You can ask, and she'll say, No. So, you think things are fine. But no, something is still wrong. So you try again. Finally, it comes out. I not angry, I'm upset. Oh! Okay, now we're getting someplace! Let's talk.
You think you've got it figured out, after that. But next time it's, I'm not upset, I'm frustrated. ... I'm not frustrated, I'm just really disappointed. ... And so on, and so forth, accompanied by the sound of you ripping your hair out. I mean, it's important to know how someone truly feels, but you could suffocate under the growing mountain of semantics, before you ever dig your way to the problem, itself! This has become a great source of frustration annoyance irritation for myself.
So, a few years ago I created a generic, but highly versatile expression: INF, or Insert Negative Feeling. Are you feeling INF today? What's wrong? I did so, in the hopes that you could cut to the chase. Find out what's really going on, fix it, and move on with life. Everybody's happy! ...Right?
But I've discovered, in "double-blind studies" (heh) with various persons, that this doesn't help as much as the white paper says it should. The all too human response is to obscure things further. More often than not, they throw another couple of logs onto the fire of their ire. And maybe, a tank of gas, if you catch them at a really bad moment. Okay, maybe they're sort-of justified if they feel like their feelings are being dismissed, but is it really necessary?
I just have to ask: how often does the uneasy questioning phase of difficult conversations become part and pattern to the relationship? A sort of emotional and verbal genuflection, which you must observe carefully before you are allowed entry into the Holy of Holies. Is it fair that anyone should make you jump through hoops, testing your tolerance for ritualistic flagellation, before simply saying what they feel? Especially if you are both "adults", and supposedly capable of a rational discussion. Okay, now I get it, you're a martyr and I must be the cause! You're better off rending your clothing, donning sackcloth, shaving your head, sprinkling ashes and slashing your wrists, while chanting, Mea culpa, mea culpa!
Silly, irrational people. =/
Wisdom learned: sometimes giving them the silent treatment, but with meaningful eye contact, is the best strategy... they'll say it, eventually. If you have any other suggestions, I'm all ears and lash-marks.
Small hint to the Passive-Aggressives: torturing someone, before you even air your grievances, ironically weakens the feel-sorry value for their half of the equation. You're shooting yourself in the foot!
You think you've got it figured out, after that. But next time it's, I'm not upset, I'm frustrated. ... I'm not frustrated, I'm just really disappointed. ... And so on, and so forth, accompanied by the sound of you ripping your hair out. I mean, it's important to know how someone truly feels, but you could suffocate under the growing mountain of semantics, before you ever dig your way to the problem, itself! This has become a great source of frustration annoyance irritation for myself.
So, a few years ago I created a generic, but highly versatile expression: INF, or Insert Negative Feeling. Are you feeling INF today? What's wrong? I did so, in the hopes that you could cut to the chase. Find out what's really going on, fix it, and move on with life. Everybody's happy! ...Right?
But I've discovered, in "double-blind studies" (heh) with various persons, that this doesn't help as much as the white paper says it should. The all too human response is to obscure things further. More often than not, they throw another couple of logs onto the fire of their ire. And maybe, a tank of gas, if you catch them at a really bad moment. Okay, maybe they're sort-of justified if they feel like their feelings are being dismissed, but is it really necessary?
I just have to ask: how often does the uneasy questioning phase of difficult conversations become part and pattern to the relationship? A sort of emotional and verbal genuflection, which you must observe carefully before you are allowed entry into the Holy of Holies. Is it fair that anyone should make you jump through hoops, testing your tolerance for ritualistic flagellation, before simply saying what they feel? Especially if you are both "adults", and supposedly capable of a rational discussion. Okay, now I get it, you're a martyr and I must be the cause! You're better off rending your clothing, donning sackcloth, shaving your head, sprinkling ashes and slashing your wrists, while chanting, Mea culpa, mea culpa!
Silly, irrational people. =/
Wisdom learned: sometimes giving them the silent treatment, but with meaningful eye contact, is the best strategy... they'll say it, eventually. If you have any other suggestions, I'm all ears and lash-marks.
Small hint to the Passive-Aggressives: torturing someone, before you even air your grievances, ironically weakens the feel-sorry value for their half of the equation. You're shooting yourself in the foot!