Personal Revolution
Dear DIE-ary,
I want to share my secret. Do you ever feel sorry or remorseful for no reason whatsoever? Well, I have and still do until this continuing day. In fact, I feel that way every single day. Do not pity me. Do not look down on me. I may have fallen down but I can get back up. They record your downfall. They watch you. They write down each little fucking detail. It is an overthrow. Do not bother to analyze me. I have been daunted with. I have been thrown into a state of agitated confusion. I have been perturbed. I feel as if I am a fundamental feeling that people try to avoid. Am I pain? Get me out of this madness. Get me out of the insanity. I hate watching you grinning in satisfaction while you see my suffer. Does this make you happy? Are you drowning in euphoria? While I am choking on psychedelic distortion. As I percept my despair. I am stuck in the feeling that everything is wrong and nothing will turn out well. I watch you smirk. Your smile expressing smugness or scorn instead of pleasure... it makes me clench my fists and close my eyes. Do you like watching my blood drip off my body? Do you enjoy watching my tears descend from my body as my emotions change magnitude? Have your dirty little fun but I will not bare the pain no more. My pain is passed the pain you can bare. I curl up into a ball and sob wondering why I deserve this so. Witness my fake smiles... my artificial laughter. My life is abstract. You shove apathy and anguish down my throat. You are my hostile nuisance. You afflict me as if I was suffocating in agony. Stop tormenting me. You torture me like a never-ending ache. Distress is piling up. I am designed to be disposed of after use but it's far past my expirement. Stop straining me as if I was an experiment. Indulge yourself in my screams. Devour my silence. I am a disasterpiece. I am for your viewing pleasure. Watch me do a little act. You enslave me. Do not control me. I must destroy you, but you are inside me. Hang me by my neck and hear the snap. The snap of satisfaction. Do you hear the sound of numerous amounts of pills falling on the ground after me consuming more then half of them? Shred me to pieces. Burn me like paper. Put my remainings in a container and label it "Nothing". My veins are hollow. Can't you just wait until tomorrow? More fun. Taste my candy of bitterness. My soul has abandoned me. I have vanished. What a morbid day. You're made to destroy your dreams. Watch yourself slowly deterioate. It is definitely not any fun. Focus on your desires... as you focus on them they disappear. Do not pity me. I see the truth. Even with blind eyes. You crush me. I am the misguided child... my youth is unexistent. You are my ultimate escape. Hey, there is another bullet in my head. Didn't do any better. I am still alive. I put on a disguise to trick people to thinking I am just fine... but deep inside that mask is someone bleeding to death. What a slow and painful death. You are severely hostile. You have done so much permanent damage to me... I am smothered with pain. I cannot breath. I am traumatized. I have an emotional wound or shock often having long-lasting effects. I am more dead than alive. I am covered by thorns. I am at the edge but I won't jump. Vandalize me. Shatter my dreams like you have already done. Nothing can stop you. You are all in my head. I am stained by you. Cannot wash you off. You sick son of a bitch. What will happen in the end? You have ruined everything already. What else can you do? I have lost all hope. You are demented. You are the knife that broke my skin and tore apart my heart. You twisted the blade inside me and laughed at my pain. I bled all over you. I didn't think it was neccesary to apologize. In fact, that did not even cross my mind. Maybe I don't have manners... but at least I do not suffocate others. Over and out.