A Heap of Broken Images
And the second Great Extinction has passed us by.
After deleting the entries I made since moving to Edmonton 4 years ago (all 20 of them?), and culling my friends list of people who no longer post (almost everyone), I'm left only with this outdated, somewhat silly username. Changing it costs 15 bucks though, so we'll all have to cope for now.
I almost wish I hadn't deleted everything from high school, the first time I did this. It would have made more sense to archive it all and start a new account. It would have been nice to see some of my old thoughts from back then, but perhaps my memories are better than the real thing anyway. I'm not sure my current self-esteem could withstand that much melodrama about girls.
At this point, I need to get away from facebook. Various words, ideas, habits, friends, conversations... all of these things, if repeated often enough, become frightening traps. The same ideas recycled over and over, without examination. Most people's whole lives long. Facebook reinforces and accelerates this cycle because every time I log on, everyone is doing the same shit they always do. This includes the way they treat me, which stems from their opinions of me, their ideas about themselves... assorted bullshit. This is how everyone I know starts to entrap and freeze and calcify me just by acting as they normally do. It's horrifying once one sees it happening.
Here on LJ, it's only a few old friends that I still talk to - who might read this stuff. I can think and write without seeing the fences in every direction. The fences built by friends, colleagues, acquaintances, fans of my band, partygoers and former casual hookups every single day. This is why I have progressively invested less and less of my 'personality' into my fbook account. I've been reduced from an individual to a collection of tags, in-jokes, comments and profile pictures. Why even bother saying anything at this point?
I stopped posting on LJ because I wasn't writing anything of substance, and neither was anyone else. Now I'm going to start using it and drag the substantial writing along, kicking and screaming - until in the end it thanks me.
It won't always be good (hell it might never be), it won't always make sense, and I hope it won't always appeal to everyone. But it's gotta be done.
After deleting the entries I made since moving to Edmonton 4 years ago (all 20 of them?), and culling my friends list of people who no longer post (almost everyone), I'm left only with this outdated, somewhat silly username. Changing it costs 15 bucks though, so we'll all have to cope for now.
I almost wish I hadn't deleted everything from high school, the first time I did this. It would have made more sense to archive it all and start a new account. It would have been nice to see some of my old thoughts from back then, but perhaps my memories are better than the real thing anyway. I'm not sure my current self-esteem could withstand that much melodrama about girls.
At this point, I need to get away from facebook. Various words, ideas, habits, friends, conversations... all of these things, if repeated often enough, become frightening traps. The same ideas recycled over and over, without examination. Most people's whole lives long. Facebook reinforces and accelerates this cycle because every time I log on, everyone is doing the same shit they always do. This includes the way they treat me, which stems from their opinions of me, their ideas about themselves... assorted bullshit. This is how everyone I know starts to entrap and freeze and calcify me just by acting as they normally do. It's horrifying once one sees it happening.
Here on LJ, it's only a few old friends that I still talk to - who might read this stuff. I can think and write without seeing the fences in every direction. The fences built by friends, colleagues, acquaintances, fans of my band, partygoers and former casual hookups every single day. This is why I have progressively invested less and less of my 'personality' into my fbook account. I've been reduced from an individual to a collection of tags, in-jokes, comments and profile pictures. Why even bother saying anything at this point?
I stopped posting on LJ because I wasn't writing anything of substance, and neither was anyone else. Now I'm going to start using it and drag the substantial writing along, kicking and screaming - until in the end it thanks me.
It won't always be good (hell it might never be), it won't always make sense, and I hope it won't always appeal to everyone. But it's gotta be done.