Poetic Advent - Weapon of Choice 5/7
Title: Weapon of Choice
Author:Poetic Advent
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Leon/Morgana
Disclaimer: Not mine unfortunately.
Spoilers/Warning: None
Summary: Written for the KMM prompt, Uther wants to marry Morgana off for political gain. Leon is merely a knight, a dogsbody. Prompt Here
MAGICdef: the act of creating a desired effect through the harnessing of mystical and/or natural forces
Capable of being used for a wide variety of tasks, it works with unseen energies, often generated from within the user.
On the balcony, the winds whipped her cloak around her legs, stinging where it slapped in spite of her heavy gown. A sea of red swirled in the courtyard below, men at the ready before marching off through the gates. A blond head lead the pack, proud and solemn. His aquiline profile revealed the grim set of his jaw, but his eyes were locked forward, not in her direction at all, hidden from view and any hope she might have at knowing what was going through his head.
When she took a step forward, a strong hand clamped around her arm and held her back. "Let me go," she protested, but Uther's grip was unbreakable.
"Haven't you done enough?"
Morgana blinked. "I've done nothing wrong."
"Oh?" Without letting go, he dragged her the few feet to the end of the balcony and forced her focus elsewhere. "Look. That's all you. Because you allowed your pride to get in the way of Camelot's best interests."
Bodies littered the countryside, most of them buried in scarlet that was more than the Pendragon crest. Too many to count, too many to bury, too many to name, but all hers to own. Corpses forsaken from battles lost. Good men driven back to the earth from whence they came, with a smoldering Camelot left behind to try and protect their remaining families.
"No," she whispered. "I didn't do this."
"Of course, you did." Uther stood at her back, pinning her to the stone wall, his harsh breath at her ear. "Love will always destroy what you hold dearest, Morgana. If I teach you nothing else, know that."
She turned her head away, trying to block out the images, but Uther grasped her chin and yanked it back, tilting her gaze down at the same time. Time to shut her eyes failed her. She saw what it was Uther wanted her to.
Leon swinging his sword at a charging enemy. His armor was dinged and bloody, no longer the pristine shine when he'd set off from the courtyard with the other knights. Someone had sliced his cheek open, matting his beard in dark splotches where it dripped down his face. A war cry twisted his normally kind features into a cruel mask she didn't even recognize.
But it was the man rising from the death behind him, the one with his blade drawn, swinging already to drive through Leon's back, that tore the scream from Morgana's throat...
* * *
"Morgana! Sssshhhhh, don't, it was only a dream."
The arms that held her in place were still strong, but the heavy brocade and sharp accoutrements of Uther's garb were gone, replaced by a slightly scratchy wool and smooth, unblemished skin. When she struggled to get free, they tightened around her, and the voice that had pulled her from her nightmare returned, soothing into her ear where Uther had ravaged just moments earlier.
"It's all right," Leon murmured. "I'm here, I'm here. It was just a dream. Everything's fine."
As she stared blindly around her, her scattered nerves tried to make sense of it all. Leon was here? But Leon was never here, not for the night, not for the dreams. She suffered through those alone, except for the odd occasion when they started before Gwen was done for the day, with only Gaius's potions to help suffocate them. The potions didn't work when the visions were especially virulent. Like tonight. Like seeing Leon get cut down on the battlefield.
This wasn't real. She'd conjured him out of desperation. Her loneliness had finally manifested into something powerful enough to wield, so here he was, a shadow of the man she really loved.
"No, I'm real. And I'm here, Morgana. I'll always be here for you."
Her arm stopped its flailing, falling to rest on a solid thigh. "You can't be," she whispered. He'd answered her thoughts, hadn't he? That proved this was just more torment to ruin her sleep.
"How could I stay away when I know how poorly you've been resting?" His broad hand smoothed the hair from her face, warm lips caressing her temple. "I know you don't want to see me-"
She bolted upright. Now, she saw him. A single candle flickering on a nearby table illuminated the worry in his eyes, while casting the rest of him in darkness, but it was Leon, most assuredly, dressed in a worn shirt, the sleeves rolled back as if he meant to labor. Her lips moved, soundlessly at first, unsure of what query to pose. She had too many, each fighting to be heard. He didn't move when she lifted her trembling hand and touched his scruffy chin, the short hairs offering comfort in their familiarity.
"You're actually here," she said with wonder. "How?"
The corner of his mouth lifted in a sad smile. "You shouted, so I came."
"Why you and not the guards?"
"I was closer. I don't think they heard you."
"Closer?"
Gently catching her wrist, he tipped his head the scant inches it took to kiss her fingertips. "Gwen told me you haven't been sleeping well since Brennus's arrival. I've been keeping vigil after she leaves for the night. I'm sorry. I couldn't just turn my back, no matter how you might feel about me."
Nearly two weeks had transpired since Uther had charged into her room, commanding her to marry Lionel. Two weeks since Leon had left her to face the future she didn't want alone. Two weeks of plotting and planning how she might get out of the impending marriage. Two weeks of barrenness.
Except she hadn't been as alone as she'd thought. For all of Leon's claims that this union was best, he hadn't stayed away. He'd been here to pull her away from the terrors of events she wished fervently would never come true. He'd watched over her when she'd treated him abominably, refusing to even look in his direction any time they were in the same room, sending back his notes unread, his tokens unopened, when Gwen brought them to her.
"Don't apologize." Her hand drifted lower, a journey he allowed, to follow the firm contour of his chest, tickle at the hair visible at the open neck. "But please, don't go now that I'm awake. I need...I can't..."
"Ssshhhh..."
He granted her mercy by bundling her back in his arms, stretching out onto the bed to spoon behind her. Captured like this, she should have panicked, especially in the flush of her dream's memories, but his scent already pervaded her sheets, his breath so warm and known along her cheek she could do nothing but relax against him. Her eyes fluttered shut, but the moment they did, she saw him being run through again, bloody and broken-breaking.
He was going to die because of her choice to fight Uther's arrangements. The dreams said so.
"Did Gaius forget your tonic?" Leon asked quietly.
She shook her head. The sleeve beneath her cheek was damp. It took a moment to realize so was her face. "It doesn't always work."
When he kissed the back of her neck, she shuddered from the sudden influx of emotion it elicited.
"You never said."
"I didn't think it was important."
"Everything about you matters, Morgana."
How could he still be so kind after everything they'd fought over? "I wish I could take back the last few weeks," she murmured.
"Except we can't. We can only look forward." His hand rubbed hypnotic circles along her stomach, lessening the tension muscle by muscle. "Don't dwell. Especially not on a few dreams when they're not even real."
"But they are."
"What did you dream about?"
She'd never told him. Nobody knew, though she'd hinted at the extent of her nightmares to Gaius. When something happened in her nightmares, she did her best to fix it before it broke, but most of the time, she failed miserably, just like so many of her ventures. Few efforts paid off in the way that she hoped, but those, too, eventually ended up in disappointment. Leon was a prime example.
"I dreamed you were killed on the battlefield." The details were true, as much as she dared to utter. He'd think her mad for believing in prophecy, or worse, fear her. At least she didn't have to worry about him turning her over to Uther. Even if she thought he had it in him-which she didn't-Leon would have to confess how he knew such details. If he couldn't dare to have their relationship made public all those years, there was no way he would do so now.
His embrace tightened. "Except I'm alive. And I'm here."
"You won't always."
"These are dangerous times. I have to do what is right to protect Camelot."
"No." Twisting to look at him over her shoulder, she met his somber gaze, shocked a little at how sad he seemed that moment. "I meant, here with me. Like this."
For long seconds, they just stayed like that, unspeaking, unmoving. She'd always loved his thoughtfulness, how he didn't barrel heedlessly into words like so many of the other knights-unless it was about anything in the armory, in which case he babbled adorably-but right now, she needed a response, something, anything to gauge his reaction more effectively because clearly her ability to do so with any skill at all had disappeared the night of their fight. It helped that he didn't let her go. That was a positive sign, she told herself. He wouldn't run away again, though she wasn't so blind not to know she'd been the one to push him out the door.
"Just because I'm not here, doesn't mean I don't think of you," he said. "And even if you marry Lionel, you won't truly be rid of me. I'll be in your heart, just as you'll always be in mine, and that's really the best we can hope for in these times, isn't it?"
In comparison to her dreams? Yes, most definitely yes. She'd settle for him living on inside of her, in the memories of all the hours they'd shared, if it meant he stayed alive to fight another day. He would never give up being a knight. It was too ingrained into his being to forsake his duty like that. But if she married Lionel, her dreams would not come to pass, and Leon would never have to face Odin's armies, and she could smile at the side of a man she didn't love, secure in the knowledge she'd saved the one she did.
This was a vision she had the power to change.
"I would hope for more for you," she said softly. "That you find the glory you deserve, with a woman at your side who knows what a treasure you really are."
"As long as I can fight for Camelot, I can live without the rest."
He could, too. He'd had the strength to walk away from everything they shared for the future of the kingdom. The question was, could she?
"You should rest," Leon said when she didn't reply. "Close your eyes. I'll stay as long as necessary."
Necessary for what? For her to sleep peacefully? For her to live happily? But she settled back into the circle of his embrace, pillowing her cheek against his arm again, and stared at the outline of the window on the far side of the room.
"I wish it wasn't this hard."
His breath ruffled her hair the moment before he nuzzled into her neck. "So do I."
"Do you think about turning back the clock? Going back to the way things were before?"
"Occasionally. But then I realize we'd just come to this time again, and I'm not sure I'd wish to relive it all a second time."
Because neither of them would be likely to change the outcome. Without foreknowledge, they'd just act out the same parts, true to what they believed.
"But the future isn't ours, either. Was it worth it?"
"Yes," he answered without pause. "It was all worth it, Morgana. Every moment we had together. All the way to now."
"You mean, all the way to tomorrow," she whispered.
"Why do you say that?"
"You promised to stay. Tonight, I want to pretend I didn't dream about losing you. I want to forget where we are and what we have to do."
"I'm not sure I can." Before the pain from his confession could strike too deep, though, he added, "But you haven't lost me, and I'm not going anywhere tonight. There's nowhere else I'd rather be than right here."
If only he meant that beyond the sanctuary of these four walls. What she wouldn't give for him to fight for her as hard as he fought for Camelot.
But this would have to do. And in the morning, she would go to Uther, kneel before him, and bow to his wishes regarding the marriage ceremony. The alliance with Brennus would stop them from going to war, and if that was what it took to give Leon a rich, long life-even if it was without her in it-then that was what she'd do.
They laid like that until she felt his breathing deepen, his arm settle more heavily against her side as he slipped into sleep. Only then did she cover his hand with hers, absorbing his heat, claiming him one last time.
"I love you," she whispered, safe in her new solitude. He'd carry her confession away in the morning, a secret between her and his slumbering heart. "For always."
Part 6
Author:Poetic Advent
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Leon/Morgana
Disclaimer: Not mine unfortunately.
Spoilers/Warning: None
Summary: Written for the KMM prompt, Uther wants to marry Morgana off for political gain. Leon is merely a knight, a dogsbody. Prompt Here
MAGICdef: the act of creating a desired effect through the harnessing of mystical and/or natural forces
Capable of being used for a wide variety of tasks, it works with unseen energies, often generated from within the user.
On the balcony, the winds whipped her cloak around her legs, stinging where it slapped in spite of her heavy gown. A sea of red swirled in the courtyard below, men at the ready before marching off through the gates. A blond head lead the pack, proud and solemn. His aquiline profile revealed the grim set of his jaw, but his eyes were locked forward, not in her direction at all, hidden from view and any hope she might have at knowing what was going through his head.
When she took a step forward, a strong hand clamped around her arm and held her back. "Let me go," she protested, but Uther's grip was unbreakable.
"Haven't you done enough?"
Morgana blinked. "I've done nothing wrong."
"Oh?" Without letting go, he dragged her the few feet to the end of the balcony and forced her focus elsewhere. "Look. That's all you. Because you allowed your pride to get in the way of Camelot's best interests."
Bodies littered the countryside, most of them buried in scarlet that was more than the Pendragon crest. Too many to count, too many to bury, too many to name, but all hers to own. Corpses forsaken from battles lost. Good men driven back to the earth from whence they came, with a smoldering Camelot left behind to try and protect their remaining families.
"No," she whispered. "I didn't do this."
"Of course, you did." Uther stood at her back, pinning her to the stone wall, his harsh breath at her ear. "Love will always destroy what you hold dearest, Morgana. If I teach you nothing else, know that."
She turned her head away, trying to block out the images, but Uther grasped her chin and yanked it back, tilting her gaze down at the same time. Time to shut her eyes failed her. She saw what it was Uther wanted her to.
Leon swinging his sword at a charging enemy. His armor was dinged and bloody, no longer the pristine shine when he'd set off from the courtyard with the other knights. Someone had sliced his cheek open, matting his beard in dark splotches where it dripped down his face. A war cry twisted his normally kind features into a cruel mask she didn't even recognize.
But it was the man rising from the death behind him, the one with his blade drawn, swinging already to drive through Leon's back, that tore the scream from Morgana's throat...
* * *
"Morgana! Sssshhhhh, don't, it was only a dream."
The arms that held her in place were still strong, but the heavy brocade and sharp accoutrements of Uther's garb were gone, replaced by a slightly scratchy wool and smooth, unblemished skin. When she struggled to get free, they tightened around her, and the voice that had pulled her from her nightmare returned, soothing into her ear where Uther had ravaged just moments earlier.
"It's all right," Leon murmured. "I'm here, I'm here. It was just a dream. Everything's fine."
As she stared blindly around her, her scattered nerves tried to make sense of it all. Leon was here? But Leon was never here, not for the night, not for the dreams. She suffered through those alone, except for the odd occasion when they started before Gwen was done for the day, with only Gaius's potions to help suffocate them. The potions didn't work when the visions were especially virulent. Like tonight. Like seeing Leon get cut down on the battlefield.
This wasn't real. She'd conjured him out of desperation. Her loneliness had finally manifested into something powerful enough to wield, so here he was, a shadow of the man she really loved.
"No, I'm real. And I'm here, Morgana. I'll always be here for you."
Her arm stopped its flailing, falling to rest on a solid thigh. "You can't be," she whispered. He'd answered her thoughts, hadn't he? That proved this was just more torment to ruin her sleep.
"How could I stay away when I know how poorly you've been resting?" His broad hand smoothed the hair from her face, warm lips caressing her temple. "I know you don't want to see me-"
She bolted upright. Now, she saw him. A single candle flickering on a nearby table illuminated the worry in his eyes, while casting the rest of him in darkness, but it was Leon, most assuredly, dressed in a worn shirt, the sleeves rolled back as if he meant to labor. Her lips moved, soundlessly at first, unsure of what query to pose. She had too many, each fighting to be heard. He didn't move when she lifted her trembling hand and touched his scruffy chin, the short hairs offering comfort in their familiarity.
"You're actually here," she said with wonder. "How?"
The corner of his mouth lifted in a sad smile. "You shouted, so I came."
"Why you and not the guards?"
"I was closer. I don't think they heard you."
"Closer?"
Gently catching her wrist, he tipped his head the scant inches it took to kiss her fingertips. "Gwen told me you haven't been sleeping well since Brennus's arrival. I've been keeping vigil after she leaves for the night. I'm sorry. I couldn't just turn my back, no matter how you might feel about me."
Nearly two weeks had transpired since Uther had charged into her room, commanding her to marry Lionel. Two weeks since Leon had left her to face the future she didn't want alone. Two weeks of plotting and planning how she might get out of the impending marriage. Two weeks of barrenness.
Except she hadn't been as alone as she'd thought. For all of Leon's claims that this union was best, he hadn't stayed away. He'd been here to pull her away from the terrors of events she wished fervently would never come true. He'd watched over her when she'd treated him abominably, refusing to even look in his direction any time they were in the same room, sending back his notes unread, his tokens unopened, when Gwen brought them to her.
"Don't apologize." Her hand drifted lower, a journey he allowed, to follow the firm contour of his chest, tickle at the hair visible at the open neck. "But please, don't go now that I'm awake. I need...I can't..."
"Ssshhhh..."
He granted her mercy by bundling her back in his arms, stretching out onto the bed to spoon behind her. Captured like this, she should have panicked, especially in the flush of her dream's memories, but his scent already pervaded her sheets, his breath so warm and known along her cheek she could do nothing but relax against him. Her eyes fluttered shut, but the moment they did, she saw him being run through again, bloody and broken-breaking.
He was going to die because of her choice to fight Uther's arrangements. The dreams said so.
"Did Gaius forget your tonic?" Leon asked quietly.
She shook her head. The sleeve beneath her cheek was damp. It took a moment to realize so was her face. "It doesn't always work."
When he kissed the back of her neck, she shuddered from the sudden influx of emotion it elicited.
"You never said."
"I didn't think it was important."
"Everything about you matters, Morgana."
How could he still be so kind after everything they'd fought over? "I wish I could take back the last few weeks," she murmured.
"Except we can't. We can only look forward." His hand rubbed hypnotic circles along her stomach, lessening the tension muscle by muscle. "Don't dwell. Especially not on a few dreams when they're not even real."
"But they are."
"What did you dream about?"
She'd never told him. Nobody knew, though she'd hinted at the extent of her nightmares to Gaius. When something happened in her nightmares, she did her best to fix it before it broke, but most of the time, she failed miserably, just like so many of her ventures. Few efforts paid off in the way that she hoped, but those, too, eventually ended up in disappointment. Leon was a prime example.
"I dreamed you were killed on the battlefield." The details were true, as much as she dared to utter. He'd think her mad for believing in prophecy, or worse, fear her. At least she didn't have to worry about him turning her over to Uther. Even if she thought he had it in him-which she didn't-Leon would have to confess how he knew such details. If he couldn't dare to have their relationship made public all those years, there was no way he would do so now.
His embrace tightened. "Except I'm alive. And I'm here."
"You won't always."
"These are dangerous times. I have to do what is right to protect Camelot."
"No." Twisting to look at him over her shoulder, she met his somber gaze, shocked a little at how sad he seemed that moment. "I meant, here with me. Like this."
For long seconds, they just stayed like that, unspeaking, unmoving. She'd always loved his thoughtfulness, how he didn't barrel heedlessly into words like so many of the other knights-unless it was about anything in the armory, in which case he babbled adorably-but right now, she needed a response, something, anything to gauge his reaction more effectively because clearly her ability to do so with any skill at all had disappeared the night of their fight. It helped that he didn't let her go. That was a positive sign, she told herself. He wouldn't run away again, though she wasn't so blind not to know she'd been the one to push him out the door.
"Just because I'm not here, doesn't mean I don't think of you," he said. "And even if you marry Lionel, you won't truly be rid of me. I'll be in your heart, just as you'll always be in mine, and that's really the best we can hope for in these times, isn't it?"
In comparison to her dreams? Yes, most definitely yes. She'd settle for him living on inside of her, in the memories of all the hours they'd shared, if it meant he stayed alive to fight another day. He would never give up being a knight. It was too ingrained into his being to forsake his duty like that. But if she married Lionel, her dreams would not come to pass, and Leon would never have to face Odin's armies, and she could smile at the side of a man she didn't love, secure in the knowledge she'd saved the one she did.
This was a vision she had the power to change.
"I would hope for more for you," she said softly. "That you find the glory you deserve, with a woman at your side who knows what a treasure you really are."
"As long as I can fight for Camelot, I can live without the rest."
He could, too. He'd had the strength to walk away from everything they shared for the future of the kingdom. The question was, could she?
"You should rest," Leon said when she didn't reply. "Close your eyes. I'll stay as long as necessary."
Necessary for what? For her to sleep peacefully? For her to live happily? But she settled back into the circle of his embrace, pillowing her cheek against his arm again, and stared at the outline of the window on the far side of the room.
"I wish it wasn't this hard."
His breath ruffled her hair the moment before he nuzzled into her neck. "So do I."
"Do you think about turning back the clock? Going back to the way things were before?"
"Occasionally. But then I realize we'd just come to this time again, and I'm not sure I'd wish to relive it all a second time."
Because neither of them would be likely to change the outcome. Without foreknowledge, they'd just act out the same parts, true to what they believed.
"But the future isn't ours, either. Was it worth it?"
"Yes," he answered without pause. "It was all worth it, Morgana. Every moment we had together. All the way to now."
"You mean, all the way to tomorrow," she whispered.
"Why do you say that?"
"You promised to stay. Tonight, I want to pretend I didn't dream about losing you. I want to forget where we are and what we have to do."
"I'm not sure I can." Before the pain from his confession could strike too deep, though, he added, "But you haven't lost me, and I'm not going anywhere tonight. There's nowhere else I'd rather be than right here."
If only he meant that beyond the sanctuary of these four walls. What she wouldn't give for him to fight for her as hard as he fought for Camelot.
But this would have to do. And in the morning, she would go to Uther, kneel before him, and bow to his wishes regarding the marriage ceremony. The alliance with Brennus would stop them from going to war, and if that was what it took to give Leon a rich, long life-even if it was without her in it-then that was what she'd do.
They laid like that until she felt his breathing deepen, his arm settle more heavily against her side as he slipped into sleep. Only then did she cover his hand with hers, absorbing his heat, claiming him one last time.
"I love you," she whispered, safe in her new solitude. He'd carry her confession away in the morning, a secret between her and his slumbering heart. "For always."
Part 6