Inversion: Author's Notes
in·ver·sion
inˈvərZHən
noun
-the action of inverting something or the state of being inverted
-a reversal of position, order, form, or relationship
I'll start by saying this piece went through all sorts of inversions before it came to be in its final form. Parts were deleted, others were moved to new documents to become new stories, and some were edited to oblivion as I tried to get Hisoka and Tsuzuki's voices right.
I imagine they still sound out of character, because there are at least a handful of stories that lead up to this moment, but this story would not leave me alone. It was demanding that it be addressed first, even if it references events no one else knows took place. And for this reason, I really thought hard before publishing this. I debated for weeks whether it was better to wait until those other stories wrote themselves, even as this was still being written. When the story finished itself, I decided I didn't want to wait, or I might be waiting forever.
[Author's Notes]
The publishing order leaves us with a lot of details to address.
*First, yes, it's vague what Tsuzuki is angsting over. Tsuzuki angsts over just about every mission, so it shouldn't be a surprise. Plus, at the very least, Tsuzuki's history of suicidal tendencies and depression should earn him a diagnosis of clinically depressed. Someone with depression doesn't need a reason to feel miserable. :|
*You may feel Hisoka is uncharacteristically okay with all the touching and kissing and sexing going on. He has been working to be okay with all of this in his free time, as he alluded to in the story when he snarkily replies:
“Baka. I know what to do. You’re not the only one who touches himself you know.”
Hisoka is also well aware of the fact Tsuzuki wants/loves him.
*You may or may not have noticed I placed a lot of emphasis on Hisoka's strength. I feel like he's often characterized as the weak, effeminate uke who could break at any moment because of his age at death and his tragic backstory. He's proven in the series that he is strong, mentally and physically, even though he can't always utilize his powers and he doesn't think it's enough to be Tsuzuki's equal. I don't think Tsuzuki sees him as weak or fragile. Maybe at first, but he knows better now. How many times has the other man saved his life? He would see the strength within his partner.
*I love Hisoka as the seme. As I just explained, I think Hisoka is strong and would challenge Tsuzuki's dominance, should he not be given a chance to top. I think they would switch roles regularly and have a lot of fun "fighting" to see who will play what role. In this story, Tsuzuki needed Hisoka to be in control and comforting him; Tsuzuki as seme was never up for discussion.
*Tsuzuki finds comfort in sex because of the emotional connection he feels with his partner. It reminds him that he is loved and makes him feel more human. Before this incident, he had only one partner who provided this kind of support. That will be explored in its own story shortly.
There are a lot of stylistic choices I won't get into right now, but if you have questions or observations on any of them specifically, please comment! I'd be happy to discuss them! I'd love to hear your opinions on all that other stuff as well. :)
-X
inˈvərZHən
noun
-the action of inverting something or the state of being inverted
-a reversal of position, order, form, or relationship
I'll start by saying this piece went through all sorts of inversions before it came to be in its final form. Parts were deleted, others were moved to new documents to become new stories, and some were edited to oblivion as I tried to get Hisoka and Tsuzuki's voices right.
I imagine they still sound out of character, because there are at least a handful of stories that lead up to this moment, but this story would not leave me alone. It was demanding that it be addressed first, even if it references events no one else knows took place. And for this reason, I really thought hard before publishing this. I debated for weeks whether it was better to wait until those other stories wrote themselves, even as this was still being written. When the story finished itself, I decided I didn't want to wait, or I might be waiting forever.
[Author's Notes]
The publishing order leaves us with a lot of details to address.
*First, yes, it's vague what Tsuzuki is angsting over. Tsuzuki angsts over just about every mission, so it shouldn't be a surprise. Plus, at the very least, Tsuzuki's history of suicidal tendencies and depression should earn him a diagnosis of clinically depressed. Someone with depression doesn't need a reason to feel miserable. :|
*You may feel Hisoka is uncharacteristically okay with all the touching and kissing and sexing going on. He has been working to be okay with all of this in his free time, as he alluded to in the story when he snarkily replies:
“Baka. I know what to do. You’re not the only one who touches himself you know.”
Hisoka is also well aware of the fact Tsuzuki wants/loves him.
*You may or may not have noticed I placed a lot of emphasis on Hisoka's strength. I feel like he's often characterized as the weak, effeminate uke who could break at any moment because of his age at death and his tragic backstory. He's proven in the series that he is strong, mentally and physically, even though he can't always utilize his powers and he doesn't think it's enough to be Tsuzuki's equal. I don't think Tsuzuki sees him as weak or fragile. Maybe at first, but he knows better now. How many times has the other man saved his life? He would see the strength within his partner.
*I love Hisoka as the seme. As I just explained, I think Hisoka is strong and would challenge Tsuzuki's dominance, should he not be given a chance to top. I think they would switch roles regularly and have a lot of fun "fighting" to see who will play what role. In this story, Tsuzuki needed Hisoka to be in control and comforting him; Tsuzuki as seme was never up for discussion.
*Tsuzuki finds comfort in sex because of the emotional connection he feels with his partner. It reminds him that he is loved and makes him feel more human. Before this incident, he had only one partner who provided this kind of support. That will be explored in its own story shortly.
There are a lot of stylistic choices I won't get into right now, but if you have questions or observations on any of them specifically, please comment! I'd be happy to discuss them! I'd love to hear your opinions on all that other stuff as well. :)
-X