Respect

[myra911]

Respect is a strong word. I always thought I got it, recently. I'm thinking otherwise. We talked again tonight. I know where we stand now. Its over, he said so. Then he decided to "go for a drive" that was 4 and a half hours ago. He promised he'd be home soon, and he'd call if he'd be long, Or I could call him. Guess what? He's not answering, he's not calling. Its snowing like crazy, I went to look for him. I cant find him anywhere. Surprisingly enough, I drove past "her" house. She's not anywhere either. Why do I deserve this? If your not coming back fucking say so. I have to work in the morning, and yet here I sit at 12:30 am, worried sick about what ditch he might be in. Or who he might be with. Why wont he answer the phone? I figure he's in some bar somewhere. Not in this town obviously, I took the drive, I looked. I really dont deserve this, i deserve much more! I wish I could sleep, I wish I could just say "ah well, deal with it tomorrow" but I cant. I am scared to death. Scared to death of what could happen to him, scared to death of what is going to happen to me. I think I've been lied to one too many times. Though what can I do about it now? Not like I can leave him, he already did that to me.

God give me strength.

Man, give me respect.