(no subject)
how disturbing.
I don't think i can deal.
we have this friend, see. who we've had sex with. the first time. he and i kept our pants on and did her up right (so she claims)
he has never been satisfied with this and always suggests that it would have been more fun without his pants.
the second time...the instant her mouth went to his cock i was crushed. he let out a little moan and was pulling me up to sit on his face. and i couldn't. my sex drive evaporated and i was in full panic attack. i couldn't get my clothes on fast enough. this was...almost 2 summers ago.
she was angry. she was up-state visiting and almost left that night.
i was so ashamed and pained.
he was really really horny.
back in the day when we first met, and he left for school mere hours after our first fuck. i was fresh out of longlonglong monogamous thang and i was like, dude. we see other people. i want to mess around a little and you are 18 and are going to run off and fall in love with the next nifty person you see anyway.
so we did our fooling around. she was one of his. once. then when we got to discussing threesomes and i mentioned that id much rather be the other girl than the girl with the guy.
but she came up, was propositioned, accepted. you see the rest of the story.
so we've three been hanging out. building up tension. cuddling, biting, even sleeping.
what is going to happen? i have thought no sex unless theres actually some kind of dating arrangement between the three of us. i have thought no sex until i am sure i won't flip. whenever that is. now he is out of town and she and i are hanging out and getting buzzed and petting.
and he says: i'd be okay if you guys had sex.
which is different. it has alway been: if you get to, i get to. nevermind that it tortures you and i don't care. so i am confused. i would like to kiss her. her fingers give me chills and i want to bite her breasts.
i want the three of us to do erotic things. but i don't want him to fuck her. face or cunt. i don't want him to tie her up. his fantasy is to tie us both up and switch back and forth. interesting fantasy but i am not ready to get cold and come down while he pays attention to her.
maybe if she and i had sex alone once, we could even the playing field and open the way to less inhibited three ways.
maybe we will all fall in love.
maybe we can have erotic encounters that are ok and slowly work his cock into her. maybe if i helped like assisted breeding it would be ok. (no) maybe if she and i licked him like a lolipop to share it'd be ok. (maybe) no kinky stuff. i don't want anyone to see me choking on his cock but him. i don't want to see him gag her with it.
i can put this to rest. if there were no he, i would not be ready to fuck her on my own. we need to get to know each other more. find out what kind of fantasies she has for us. maybe argue once or twice.
i can't do it.
what he and i do is so wonderful. so fierce. so transporting. i can't bear to think that he could do that to any girl. that i could find myself watching him do it. what she and i could do would be of an entirely different character. what the three of us could do will have to find its own flavor.
this is the heart of it. he will act the same in bed with her as he does with me. and that makes me angry. i'm feeling kind of pushed here.
i would act differently for her than for him. different, but equally fun? no? my ego, my poor ego. I do not want to be equally fun. i do not want to date someone who loves many people greatly. i want to be with someone who loves me more.
this is so difficlut for me. how can i make sure we don't go to far? how can i not feel...discarded. particularly since our play revolves around Use. oh. it hurts. and i cannot see it any other way.
christchristchrist.
he says: he says: my fantasies with her always involve you, you know. and i disbelieve it.
he says: nobody can compare to you, but if you want to do this the three of us, we can take as long as it takes. and i think, this is like anal sex, right? he wants to be able to make me do things that i may not want to. he says: if you and rachel fell in love, that would make me so happy. i believe that there is no shortage of love in the world and the more the better.
he has never been abandoned.
what do i do? i want to fuck him forever and have little babies with him. i want the three of us to be together for a time. but i don't want him to lust after her to the exclusion of me? say i am grumpy or sick. and do not want to fuck. does he pester me for a bit and then go fuck her? i would not like that. I do not trust him. trust him not to..be responsible. trust him not to hurt me. trust him not to disgust me by humping at her.
this sounds like the perfect situation with the perfect people. except for me. i am the one that has the hangups. what would you do if you were not afraid? i would have this conversation with her.
*weeps*
I don't think i can deal.
we have this friend, see. who we've had sex with. the first time. he and i kept our pants on and did her up right (so she claims)
he has never been satisfied with this and always suggests that it would have been more fun without his pants.
the second time...the instant her mouth went to his cock i was crushed. he let out a little moan and was pulling me up to sit on his face. and i couldn't. my sex drive evaporated and i was in full panic attack. i couldn't get my clothes on fast enough. this was...almost 2 summers ago.
she was angry. she was up-state visiting and almost left that night.
i was so ashamed and pained.
he was really really horny.
back in the day when we first met, and he left for school mere hours after our first fuck. i was fresh out of longlonglong monogamous thang and i was like, dude. we see other people. i want to mess around a little and you are 18 and are going to run off and fall in love with the next nifty person you see anyway.
so we did our fooling around. she was one of his. once. then when we got to discussing threesomes and i mentioned that id much rather be the other girl than the girl with the guy.
but she came up, was propositioned, accepted. you see the rest of the story.
so we've three been hanging out. building up tension. cuddling, biting, even sleeping.
what is going to happen? i have thought no sex unless theres actually some kind of dating arrangement between the three of us. i have thought no sex until i am sure i won't flip. whenever that is. now he is out of town and she and i are hanging out and getting buzzed and petting.
and he says: i'd be okay if you guys had sex.
which is different. it has alway been: if you get to, i get to. nevermind that it tortures you and i don't care. so i am confused. i would like to kiss her. her fingers give me chills and i want to bite her breasts.
i want the three of us to do erotic things. but i don't want him to fuck her. face or cunt. i don't want him to tie her up. his fantasy is to tie us both up and switch back and forth. interesting fantasy but i am not ready to get cold and come down while he pays attention to her.
maybe if she and i had sex alone once, we could even the playing field and open the way to less inhibited three ways.
maybe we will all fall in love.
maybe we can have erotic encounters that are ok and slowly work his cock into her. maybe if i helped like assisted breeding it would be ok. (no) maybe if she and i licked him like a lolipop to share it'd be ok. (maybe) no kinky stuff. i don't want anyone to see me choking on his cock but him. i don't want to see him gag her with it.
i can put this to rest. if there were no he, i would not be ready to fuck her on my own. we need to get to know each other more. find out what kind of fantasies she has for us. maybe argue once or twice.
i can't do it.
what he and i do is so wonderful. so fierce. so transporting. i can't bear to think that he could do that to any girl. that i could find myself watching him do it. what she and i could do would be of an entirely different character. what the three of us could do will have to find its own flavor.
this is the heart of it. he will act the same in bed with her as he does with me. and that makes me angry. i'm feeling kind of pushed here.
i would act differently for her than for him. different, but equally fun? no? my ego, my poor ego. I do not want to be equally fun. i do not want to date someone who loves many people greatly. i want to be with someone who loves me more.
this is so difficlut for me. how can i make sure we don't go to far? how can i not feel...discarded. particularly since our play revolves around Use. oh. it hurts. and i cannot see it any other way.
christchristchrist.
he says: he says: my fantasies with her always involve you, you know. and i disbelieve it.
he says: nobody can compare to you, but if you want to do this the three of us, we can take as long as it takes. and i think, this is like anal sex, right? he wants to be able to make me do things that i may not want to. he says: if you and rachel fell in love, that would make me so happy. i believe that there is no shortage of love in the world and the more the better.
he has never been abandoned.
what do i do? i want to fuck him forever and have little babies with him. i want the three of us to be together for a time. but i don't want him to lust after her to the exclusion of me? say i am grumpy or sick. and do not want to fuck. does he pester me for a bit and then go fuck her? i would not like that. I do not trust him. trust him not to..be responsible. trust him not to hurt me. trust him not to disgust me by humping at her.
this sounds like the perfect situation with the perfect people. except for me. i am the one that has the hangups. what would you do if you were not afraid? i would have this conversation with her.
*weeps*