(no subject)
The Turn and The Span of Belief
Partially, I believe I have to be alone. This is one of many frightening realizations that came along within the past month or so, and it was strange to figure it out. I feel as though creating something I can love and appreciate for myself almost always comes from when I am by myself (usually in silence). Without another brain and body around, I am given the opportunity to turn all of you and everything you and I know and don't know into a space for personal recreation inside my head. That's sort of a weird way to put it, but I work best with the meta-fiction and segmented panoramas I can recollect in the privacy of an intimate mind. It becomes so trivial at times for me to try to write about what actually is around me, and feeling this just makes me want to take a social probation period and see what occurs. Perhaps being around familiar friends and family pulls me to the common actuality of humanism, when really I prefer to span the scape of half-real, half-fake, whole-hearted place of mind. I'm sorry I can only do this alone.
Partially, I believe I have to be around others. I know this sounds obvious, but it isn't. This statement is no more factual then the testification prior, but it feels really true. Looking at myself from a historical standpoint, It has been vital to have other brains and bodies to reach out and into, as well as letting them do the same to my brain and body. There is something absolutely irresistible about standing in a kitchen making mac & cheese in a small kitchen with a friend. I figured that out the other day. Somewhere between the refrigerator and the steam of boiling water, I feel safe. Even without vocalization, there is mental and physical participation occurring. I am aware of my friend and where she is standing, and our brains are activating the same chemicals inside our bodies from being around each other. Without speaking, we are chemically communicating (non-verbally) in the excitement to be around someone we both care about.
Partially, I believe I have to find a single person who can allow a single phenomenon to occur; the combination of the first and second. In fact, I have to take back some of what I decided earlier. Having an intimate relationship with a person is just like that first one. Our bodies and thoughts get so close that I feel that creative bravery between the two of us is enough. That space inside my mind becomes activated by the magic of being around someone so spectacular, and I become fully activated as a being. It is only at this time that I feel like each vein and cell in my body is doing exactly what it should be. This is when I work best. Connectivity and relativity between the bodies and brains of the two of us acts as an air-tight tank filled with concepts and ideas that lead me to operate at my best. I believe in this (what seems like) safeness and warmth to be a sole factor in the proper utilization of myself, and place that becomes of the two of us would be the greatest place, regardless of where we might be.
Partially, I believe I have to be alone. This is one of many frightening realizations that came along within the past month or so, and it was strange to figure it out. I feel as though creating something I can love and appreciate for myself almost always comes from when I am by myself (usually in silence). Without another brain and body around, I am given the opportunity to turn all of you and everything you and I know and don't know into a space for personal recreation inside my head. That's sort of a weird way to put it, but I work best with the meta-fiction and segmented panoramas I can recollect in the privacy of an intimate mind. It becomes so trivial at times for me to try to write about what actually is around me, and feeling this just makes me want to take a social probation period and see what occurs. Perhaps being around familiar friends and family pulls me to the common actuality of humanism, when really I prefer to span the scape of half-real, half-fake, whole-hearted place of mind. I'm sorry I can only do this alone.
Partially, I believe I have to be around others. I know this sounds obvious, but it isn't. This statement is no more factual then the testification prior, but it feels really true. Looking at myself from a historical standpoint, It has been vital to have other brains and bodies to reach out and into, as well as letting them do the same to my brain and body. There is something absolutely irresistible about standing in a kitchen making mac & cheese in a small kitchen with a friend. I figured that out the other day. Somewhere between the refrigerator and the steam of boiling water, I feel safe. Even without vocalization, there is mental and physical participation occurring. I am aware of my friend and where she is standing, and our brains are activating the same chemicals inside our bodies from being around each other. Without speaking, we are chemically communicating (non-verbally) in the excitement to be around someone we both care about.
Partially, I believe I have to find a single person who can allow a single phenomenon to occur; the combination of the first and second. In fact, I have to take back some of what I decided earlier. Having an intimate relationship with a person is just like that first one. Our bodies and thoughts get so close that I feel that creative bravery between the two of us is enough. That space inside my mind becomes activated by the magic of being around someone so spectacular, and I become fully activated as a being. It is only at this time that I feel like each vein and cell in my body is doing exactly what it should be. This is when I work best. Connectivity and relativity between the bodies and brains of the two of us acts as an air-tight tank filled with concepts and ideas that lead me to operate at my best. I believe in this (what seems like) safeness and warmth to be a sole factor in the proper utilization of myself, and place that becomes of the two of us would be the greatest place, regardless of where we might be.