Dont know....
I really do love my life, I mean at times I get depressed like we all do. I dont think people can say they are happy 24/7 or would want too. Think with happiness comes sadness, with joy comes depression, These are all good emotions that make up parts of who we are. My life is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but in ways its perfect to me. I have great friends, awesome family, pretty good over all life.
I have been having these feelings of guilt and it kind of scares me. Like most the chicks I have met in the kink community of course they are alright with having multiple partners as I am. I feel being poly allows me to explore pieces of myself while sharing my life with multiple people. But lately I have been feeling some sort of guilt come over me when having sex with multiple people. maybe its I am developing feelings for certain people and that scares me. Maybe I am not truly poly. These are all things I cant answer at this point in time. I view sex a lot different than I did before. I use not really care about emotion as I thought it weakened me. The more I explore my inner self I find out I thrive off emotion, Its like a drug almost as I need this. Sex is an incredible feeling and I feel everybody should have as much sex as they can get. But also feel like you might be doing a disservice to yourself by not being with people you have an emotional bond with. R is one of my closest friends in the world and love him to death but I feel like sex is just a thing to do. Granted I have had meaningless sex in the past and now I am having sex with people I honestly care about its such a different feeling.
I have grown sexually over these past few months/years and I really enjoy the person I am. I have this new outlook on life and didnt take a God for me to figure out. I did that on my own, I live my life now in a way that benefits me rather than others. I have a responsibility to myself to make sure I live up to my highest potential. Weather its sexually, intellectually, emotionally, etc.
I have been having these feelings of guilt and it kind of scares me. Like most the chicks I have met in the kink community of course they are alright with having multiple partners as I am. I feel being poly allows me to explore pieces of myself while sharing my life with multiple people. But lately I have been feeling some sort of guilt come over me when having sex with multiple people. maybe its I am developing feelings for certain people and that scares me. Maybe I am not truly poly. These are all things I cant answer at this point in time. I view sex a lot different than I did before. I use not really care about emotion as I thought it weakened me. The more I explore my inner self I find out I thrive off emotion, Its like a drug almost as I need this. Sex is an incredible feeling and I feel everybody should have as much sex as they can get. But also feel like you might be doing a disservice to yourself by not being with people you have an emotional bond with. R is one of my closest friends in the world and love him to death but I feel like sex is just a thing to do. Granted I have had meaningless sex in the past and now I am having sex with people I honestly care about its such a different feeling.
I have grown sexually over these past few months/years and I really enjoy the person I am. I have this new outlook on life and didnt take a God for me to figure out. I did that on my own, I live my life now in a way that benefits me rather than others. I have a responsibility to myself to make sure I live up to my highest potential. Weather its sexually, intellectually, emotionally, etc.