Happiness
Ok, that guy trouble I was having, it's starting to get complicated again. And this time, it's Casey making it hard. I was having a conversation with Andy and he said that he felt like a dolt for having such feelings about me and confessing them because I have a chance for happiness with Casey. I'm not so sure about this anymore. It feels like I'm putting more into this relationship than Casey is. I honestly don't think he appreciates me. I feel like when he says I love you, it's hollow. Last weekend, I was supposed to go down to Danville to spend the weekned with him. He'd known about it for almost three weeks, so he had plenty of time to request off from work. But he ended up working. He works for his cousin, so he could've easily said no, but he didn't. Instead, he let me sit up here with nothing to do because my plans were tossed in the gutter.
Now this weekend, I asked him to be here this weekend about four weeks ago since this weekend is my family's Christmas party. My brother is coming up here! He NEVER comes up here. So, I really want Casey to meet my older brother. But now, out of the blue, Casey says he might have to work. He knows how important this weekend is to me, so why the hell is he blowing me off again!? I'm at the point where I don't even care if he comes up here the whole weekend, just as long as he's here on Sunday. But he says, "Baby, I need money and I won't turn money down if they offer me hours." I don't give a flying fuck if Donald Trump offered him a million dollars to work for him this weekend, he knows that this weekend is important to me. Shouldn't it be important to him because it's important to me? Isn't that the way love is supposed to work!?
I'm honestly considering saving up money and going to England and saying TO HELL WITH THIS! I don't know how much more I can take. Andy loves me. Andy would take care of me. Andy would say no to working if a weekend meant this much to me. And Andy is thousands of miles away in a different country across an ocean! Casey is a two hour drive away AND he's my boyfriend who SAYS he loves me. I ask if he wants to be with me and he says yes, but his actions aren't saying what his mouth is. So, what the fuck is the problem!?
**And if you're wondering why this weekend is so important, it's because it's the family Christmas party. My brother who I never see is coming up, my favorite cousin I never get to see is coming, and they both really want to meet Casey. And, not to mention, this could very well be the last Christmas I get to spend with my uncle. I pray it's not, but it's a very real possibility. He's not doing so well. So, if Casey wants to marry me (like he says he does) and be a part of my family, he's got to MEET them first.**
I'm just so damned confused. I honestly think it would be easier if Andy and I were able to be together. Like I said before, he loves me and would do anything for me within his power. I thought Casey felt that way about me, but now I'm not so sure. He reminded me that when he got into this relationship, he wasn't looking for one. When I asked why he got into this one, he said he didn't know. Real nice. Exactly what I wanted to hear. Just like the tattoo remark that weekend at the Beach. I'm starting to think I'm destined to be alone. The one guy I have a major connection with is too far away and the other guy I do love (to a point at the moment) is becoming a royal asshole. My brain hurts!
Now this weekend, I asked him to be here this weekend about four weeks ago since this weekend is my family's Christmas party. My brother is coming up here! He NEVER comes up here. So, I really want Casey to meet my older brother. But now, out of the blue, Casey says he might have to work. He knows how important this weekend is to me, so why the hell is he blowing me off again!? I'm at the point where I don't even care if he comes up here the whole weekend, just as long as he's here on Sunday. But he says, "Baby, I need money and I won't turn money down if they offer me hours." I don't give a flying fuck if Donald Trump offered him a million dollars to work for him this weekend, he knows that this weekend is important to me. Shouldn't it be important to him because it's important to me? Isn't that the way love is supposed to work!?
I'm honestly considering saving up money and going to England and saying TO HELL WITH THIS! I don't know how much more I can take. Andy loves me. Andy would take care of me. Andy would say no to working if a weekend meant this much to me. And Andy is thousands of miles away in a different country across an ocean! Casey is a two hour drive away AND he's my boyfriend who SAYS he loves me. I ask if he wants to be with me and he says yes, but his actions aren't saying what his mouth is. So, what the fuck is the problem!?
**And if you're wondering why this weekend is so important, it's because it's the family Christmas party. My brother who I never see is coming up, my favorite cousin I never get to see is coming, and they both really want to meet Casey. And, not to mention, this could very well be the last Christmas I get to spend with my uncle. I pray it's not, but it's a very real possibility. He's not doing so well. So, if Casey wants to marry me (like he says he does) and be a part of my family, he's got to MEET them first.**
I'm just so damned confused. I honestly think it would be easier if Andy and I were able to be together. Like I said before, he loves me and would do anything for me within his power. I thought Casey felt that way about me, but now I'm not so sure. He reminded me that when he got into this relationship, he wasn't looking for one. When I asked why he got into this one, he said he didn't know. Real nice. Exactly what I wanted to hear. Just like the tattoo remark that weekend at the Beach. I'm starting to think I'm destined to be alone. The one guy I have a major connection with is too far away and the other guy I do love (to a point at the moment) is becoming a royal asshole. My brain hurts!