Saturday, July 09, 2005
Well, I'm back from the Cape. It was a pretty interesting trip, and there's way too much to put in just one journal entry, so I'm just going to sum it up. It was great. But I really didn't enjoy it. Confusing? To put it frankly, seeing as I was alone for the trip except at night when everyone crammed in a room to sleep, I spent it all inside my head. And that's a dangerous place right there. I may have relived every painful memory, but as I result, I've found myself again along with the answers for a lot of the questions that were really plaguing me. I know what I see in my relationship, why I enjoy it, and why it fails, I understand why I continue to hurt people, and why I'm always so lonely.
Our hotel was across from the beach, so, having nothing better to do, I spent most of my time physically on the beach. Swimming, lying there or walking. It was a pretty long week. The road bordering the beach was on a large plateau that overlooked the shore. I would go along the sands until I reached a large quarry of rocks, which I'd climb upwards for a while, until I found a ledge that placed me near a ruined rock wall that descended many, many feet down directly into the ocean. I'd walk along that narrow wall, or just sit there and watch the waves. I think it was a private property, but it's hard to reach that area and the only time I had ever seen anyone else on it was some guy and his girlfriend making out from on top of the hill. So it was a good place for me to hide. Although I would occaisionally wander into the city, or to the docks and piers.
To be frank, I was lonely.
Our hotel was across from the beach, so, having nothing better to do, I spent most of my time physically on the beach. Swimming, lying there or walking. It was a pretty long week. The road bordering the beach was on a large plateau that overlooked the shore. I would go along the sands until I reached a large quarry of rocks, which I'd climb upwards for a while, until I found a ledge that placed me near a ruined rock wall that descended many, many feet down directly into the ocean. I'd walk along that narrow wall, or just sit there and watch the waves. I think it was a private property, but it's hard to reach that area and the only time I had ever seen anyone else on it was some guy and his girlfriend making out from on top of the hill. So it was a good place for me to hide. Although I would occaisionally wander into the city, or to the docks and piers.
To be frank, I was lonely.