When everybody loves you, you can never be lonely.
I just can't stop myself no matter how hard I resist. I think of that line in Closer when Natalie Portman says, "There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it." When was my moment? And if there was one I def didn't resist. Oh well. Life is like this. I had come into this semester with the mindset that I wasn't going to become attached to anyone. That I was going to be completely independent...do my work...go about my business...have fun....make out with random dudes....but that was it. I was going to be completely shut off from romantic interests. I guess it didn't work out. I love feeling this way and hate it at the same time. Its floating and knawing at the same time. I think I just get more stressed out than the average person about relationships bc I'm so afraid of allowing myself to get crushed again. Honestly, last year I made myself sick over everything surrounding someone. I was completely involved...completely vulnerable...and I was slowly crushed over the span of a year. Like, the worst feeling of my entire life. I'm so afraid of the place that I was. HORRIBLE PLACE that I never wish to return to. I've come so far from there and I'm trying everything to not backstep. So far its been working out. The person in question is wonderful. So nice, so funny, so cute. He has yet to piss me off. Haha. Always a plus. I dunno I'm just acting completely nonchalant in person about it but my head is a fucking bowl or turmoil...I'm battling against myself. I'm battling against any sort of feelings I'd have. Battling somewhat unsuccessfully. Oooooh well. I think I'm alright with it. WAIT NO I AM NOT! Uggghhhhhhh. I'm guarding myself like you can't imagine but its not working! He pulls it out of me. nooooooooooooooooooo. Such is life I suppose.