forgotten passion
sometimes, a lot of the times, i feel like i'm suffocating. i hate being stuck in this place, in this town, this country. i'd love to wake up one day, away from everyone. not forever, just long enough. people telling me that i'm wrong, or right. people telling me that tomorrow will be better. i can't wait to break free. i sware to you, that once i can leave, i will. if you wish to find me, i'll always be there, right between the time you close your eyes, and fall asleep. i'll wait for you there. im going to feel the sand under my back, and let my mind sink into the isolation. i love the way the beach feels under my skin. the part where the sand meets the water, beautiful. nothing feels better, more comforting, then walking on grass barefoot. just in the morning, when the sun is just peeking over the trees. like its debating whether its time to come out. that's what my heaven will be like. i love camping, sleeping outside, where anything can happen. risk, adventure, love. i want to feel love, what everyone wishes for. every night i want to walk across the streets late at night, barefoot. i want to feel the way the rocks prick my feet when i walk over them. i want to look up into the streetlights, and see the moths swarming. fighting for the light. people are like that, swarming desperate for the light. drowning. choking. in my heaven, dogs will bark every so often through the night. wolves will howl, and i'll look out my window to watch them run in the moonlight. i want to hear the sounds of my parents talking everyday when i first wake up in the morning. only shadows now. only to be shadows always, forever. i want to watch the world below from a dark field where i can see lightning bugs chasing each other and floating about like stray ashes being spit out of a fire. i want to feel the way, it feels to be alone. just for a moment. just long enough. just for a little while, i'd like to forget all of it. the way it is here. im broken. i dont know when this dagger got stuck in my heart. you know one of your lungs are smaller then the other to make room for your heart. its because its more important. you dont need to breath, just feel. its as if everyone has to have a lawyer, have a logical explanation. if im the only one who feels this way, then im happy to be different. in my heaven, i know time will erase the existence of me, which it has already started now. i can feel the way they change. i want to hear the sound of a piano playing softly in the wind, calling to me. if this is being left behind, then go faster. maybe someday you'll come visit me, here, or in my heaven. in my heaven, splinters don't stay in people's hearts forever.