I hate this blog
Well, I'm back from California. I'm not really happy about it. I had such an amazing time. I've always had sort of mixed feelings about LA. Mostly a mixture of loathing and disgust. It's sort of like the love affair I've had with NYC for so long. I love it, I go there, I hate it, I leave there, I miss it. I only started REALLY loving NYC when I started going there for things that weren't work. So this is how I fell in love with LA again. I went to relax. Dude, I took a goddamn VACATION. I was anxious about it because I am really bad at relaxing. All I know how to do is work, and when I'm not working I'm generally feeling guilty about the work I think I SHOULD be doing. So here I was having anxiety about a vacation. Well,m the truth is, it didn't start. I went hoping to book some sessions at the Catsuite Lounge in san fernando valley. Though when I got there here's a few things I realized:
I don't actually hate los angeles, I just hate the valley.
It was far away from where I was staying, and all the porno peeps are there and I am just so over the fake friendships and the cut throat and the lies and the backstabbing. It took me going to LA to realize how over porn I am. I won't make some great big statement about how I'll nevr shoot hardcore again. Who knows, maybe the right company will offer Me the right gig at the right price with the right performer. But I'm not holding My breathe. I also haven't shot hardcore with a dude in like....4-5 years and none of yall seemed to notice. Except for the few bitches who run their mouth about how I'm trying to get booked and can't. The truth is I've just been over it. If someone never says that My real orgasm didn't look real enough again it'll be too soon.
I don't mean to hate on the valley so hard, I still have lots of people I adore there (unfortunately none of them could be bothered to make any effort to hang out with Me while I was in town)
HOWEVER: that won't stop Me from shooting little awesome projects that I adore and support. It feels pretty good knowing that I will never again be asked to wear a ridiculous outfit or spit out lines that are meant to MAKE ME look like a dumb idiot.
That all being said: I fucking loved Los Angeles. It's beautiful, the people are beautiful, the food is incredible..................
anyway: I wrote that like a week after I came home
man, what a bitter bitch I am
I was SO angry to be back on the east coast man. I had so much fun in cali, it was so amazingly relaxing and beautiful and fun filled and action packed that when I got home I just into this stupid little funk I could NOT shake.
It didn't help that I came home, got off the plane slept for a few hours, drove from Boston to springfield, did a session, slept for a few hours, drove home, slept for a few unpacked and then went right to work at a catering gig for the rest of the month of Mya
but, we'll talk about that in another blog
I actually waited SO long to write a blog that now I have to write three
one about cali, one about what happened when I got back, and one about upcoming events
so let's call this the cali blog
So in My last blog I talked about My amazing shoot with Caroline Pierce for www.vampyrotic.com
It was My first time shooting with Jimi King, I sincerely hope it's not the last!
I'm going to tease you all with some of the images here, all the rest will be live on the site too!
Let's talk some more about cali.
I spent a lot of time with Misti Dawn.
https://twitter.com/meowmistidawn and https://www.youtube.com/user/mistidawn Misti is one of My favorite humans ever. She also has this adorable cat Bonnie, who you know, I've been reading about and seeing photos of on the internet for YEARS now, but she is really even cuter in person, just like Misti. Misti also has this rad boyfriend. Generally speaking, I hate when My girls get boyfriends. They become lame, they won't hang out, and the boyfriend is usually some dumb idiot who wants to brag to his friends that he hung out with pornstars. SO, it was a really pleasant surprise to also think that Mistis boyfriend was a great human. And they were both wonderful hosts. I want to go and live in their back bedroom gaming room forever and just cook for them and clean floors or something. I loved it. I did a lot of cooking for them, well, probably not a lot, not as much as I wanted to do actually
but that's because there was SO MUCH good food available in california and so many things and places I wanted to eat that cooking didn't even seem like viable option some days.
I mean, I had the best tamale I have veer had in My life
I still think about it
it was so good that I moaned out loud I think I loudly swore and embarrassed Misti and her adorable friend (as an added bonus, Misti seems to ONLY talk to attractive people)
There is also a plethora of great Thai food, incredible sushi and fresh shrimp tacos that I ate wherver I went.
I did some very california things. I went to the beach with Misti Dawn. I laid in the sun. I smiled really big. I checked out cute surfers.
Here's Misti and I at the beach.....
We went to a korean spa, I didn't take pictures because I'm stupid. But, I loved it there. They had a fucking NAP ROOM with heated tiled floors, and a salt/mineral room and lots of hot tubs.
I had one day where I took Myself out to lunch
I went to the famous Kate Mantilini restaurant
http://katemantilinirestaurant.com/ (which has sadly since closed) and had PERFECT shrimp cocktail and the best lemon meringue pie I have ever eaten.
I met the architect who was super sweet, which was cool because when I walked in I think they wondered what this tattooed up girl was doing all gothed out in LA by herself.
But what a talented man! The building was gorgeous, and everything I ate (and I ate a lot) was excellent, Looking forward to checking out the new space when I visit LA next (which will be august 19 fyi)
I took a selfie in the big gorgeous mirror
Misti and her man took Me to Santa Barbara for the first time. I fell in love with it. I never wanted to leave. What a perfect magical place. We drank wine, we ate the best nachos ever, we went to a funny club where every crazy dude trying to get laid tried to hit on Me because I was sitting alone, we walked by the ocean. We ate so much good food! Perfection. I cannot wait to go back!
Here's some photos from that adventure. Misti has a vacation outfit. She has an outfit for everything. She looks good all the time.
One day Misti and I had dinner with Amelia G and Forrest black of www.blueblood.com, but I didn't take any photos because I was busy being stupid and forgetting about My blog. We ate at doomies, which is this sorta famous vegan joint and the food was great! Don't worry, I'll be shooting with Amelia and Forest again on My next trip!
this is Misti eating at Doomies, shes cute even when she's making dumb faces!
Like I said, I was on vacation, I didn't shoot a lot!
I DID get to shoot with one of My favorite people ever tho, Chopper Dave
We shot some ultra cute pinupy stuff and Misti did My hair and makeup.
Some teasers from THAT!
We also got to have dinner with Ruby Violence! Www.rubyviolence.com we hadn't seen each other in YEARS so that was special. Also: more excellent thai food. Here's some photos of us lovin up on each other
I got to spend some quality time with My webmaster, who you all know as Rev Mitcz www.revmitcz.com got to go and see him do a proper standup show (not like that one drunken night we had in NY, like, a real proper show) and it was hilarious! I laughed My ass off.
Alot of the comics before him told stripper jokes. Badly. And I learned this about Myself: hearing sex worker jokes makes Me super uncomfortable. Mitcz told a stripper joke I think but it was funny. Mostly because maybe, he actually KNOWS strippers and loves sex workers. But if the basis of your joke is, strippers are funny because they have no self respect because they take their clothes off in public and I would never do that, or the what kind of guy pays for a lapdance schtick. Stop. We've heard it before
it's not funny.
And I was on a double date (I know, queer right?) and I had this moment of, shit what if they laugh at these bad stripper jokes, and Misti and I kept looking at each other wondering if this was really happening. I recently got interviewed on the radio and someone called in and asked if I laughed at stripper jokes. I guess now we know the answer. I laugh at well told stripper jokes. Hell, Misti was making stripper jokes that made Me laugh. Mostly tho, they made Me want to crawl in a hole somewhere.......like ata dark corner of a stripclub.
I've been awfully aware of My sex worker status lately. You know, I've been in this industry for so long, and surrounded Myself with so many OTHER sex workers, that I sometimes forget how fucked up the rest of the world thinks we are. Everyone treats you different. I mean, just everyone.
I was maybe hyper aware of it because I saw My grandmother for the first time in like...8...years. And also because I've been writing this piece for a book about how to come out about yur work in porn to family and friends. It's a really hard topic, and so interesting to Me to see how others deal with this.
I am very OUT in every way. People know who the fuck I am and what the fuck I do
I mean, they think they do. Everyone in My life knows I'm involved in the adult industry. They probably think that means I have tons of sex with tons of people all the time and make tons of money doing it, but My point is, I'm not secretive about it.
Some people have a cover story they tell
I don't, I never have. This is Me, take it or leave it.
Maybe I like the energy of other sex workers so much because they are the only ones who treat Me like an actual human, and don't act differently.
Ok guys, real talk here: I've been trying to write this blog for over a month. It sucks. I hate it, I’ve deleted it rewritten it deleted it added pieces I deleted. I hate this blog
I'm distrcated, I'm over it and it doesn't make any sense.
I just want it to be done so I can write more blogs that I actually wanna write.
Ok?
SO just....look at the pictures and enjoy them! Ok
california was awesome, I love Misti Dawn, I love good food and I cannot wait to go back and spend more time with her
there, it's done, onto the next
here's My feet in california, I feel like you can tell how happy I was even by My feet...
