(no subject)
The other month I decided I'd start writing in this again. I've got round to it just now, thats pretty efficient really isn't it? I'm not too sure why, since my entries are no longer motivated by a desire for other people to read them, whereas before when it seemed like the whole point of writing an entry would be to manipulate people into asking how I was, or to just make myself feel better with the thought that someone I know might have been reading something I wrote about myself and how shit things were. Thats quite a sad reason to write an entry really.
Its funny how I think about how things have changed since I last wrote something here that December 21st ago. Wow, just over a year. Thats commentable. But yeh, compared to this time last year several things have happened in my life, to my life, and around my life. Oh and over my life, I guess that can be included too.
Facebook became popular and the internet became cool. Also myspace has sort of died as a result. I'm now more occupied with checking how many people on my course are actually still single rather than feeling smug that random attractive American girls were adding me to boost their friends. But at least I now talk to a handful of people on my course. And with only 5 months left thats quite important.
I got a job in a place that cares for people who have had their minds ripped away from them and are now dependent on my incompetence to get through their now-forcefully-sheltered lives. I also got a job in a shop that sells, amongst other things, pirate toys. They're both important.
I saw my favourite band in the world ever live, and spent the whole gig trying to assure myself that I wasn't one of the oldest there, rather than enjoying four guys on a stage play music that has shaped my life.
I developed a new sense of hatred for certain people that I had never experienced before. It was kind of odd and disturbing, but its occasionally good fun to discover new emotions.
I've experienced doubt about many things frequently. Thankfully, most were assuaged, and I'm happy to say my faith was one of those. Its always good to keep that challenged and in check. But other things haven't been.
I kissed and finally told the girl I had been hung up for about three years how I felt about her in person, and she told me she felt the same. But as it is with everything with me, things are never simple and physical distance is a bitch of a thing to overcome. But at least its something. It nearly quelled my fear that I'd be single forever, and although that's still there at least I can pretend for a moment that I had a backbone.
I became closer with people I never really thought I'd be friends with, and also drifted apart from people I thought I'd be friends with forever. Maybe even grow old with, who knows (or cares).
I think I've also become more thoughtful, but at the same time selectively thoughtless. I suppose they cancel eachother out but I'd like to pretend that they're separate entities and that they both make me sound like a better person. Yes, they do.
Selectively thoughtless means I no longer occupy my daily living with dwelling on how other people see me. But I've just realised that that one is a lie. Or, its a sort of truth, but just that I'm more concerned with people seeing me in a different way. I'm too sleepy to think of a word for that. I'll just call it stupidity and be happy with it.
Anyway, this has been a sort of recap post for all my adoring fans in livejournal land. Which reminds me, I probably should get some. Or maybe I won't, this might end up being the last entry until this time next year. That one will be more fun I promise. I'll have letters after my name, be in a long term relationship, have a car, and be able to speak in public without going bright red.
Or perhaps I won't, and it'll be a bitch reading that last paragraph.