03-29-08
March 29, 2008.
9:00am - I woke up feeling nervous and stressed. It was the second day that I felt I was going to my execution date. The day before, I really thought that I would go home finally knowing whether I made it or not. But the agony of waiting was extended for another day.
10:30am - I couldn't eat more than two pieces of pan de sal for breakfast and lunch as my stomach is churning.
11:30am - I left the house to wait for my date with destiny at a place where I would find calmness and peace. My friends and I all decided that we didn't want to wait together. We preferred to wait for the moment of truth with anyone but law-school-friends.
12:00nn - I heard Mass at the Greenbelt chapel. I felt that I've come full circle. This is the church where I prayed that I may pass the UP LAE and the panel interview.
1:00pm - I went to the Don Bosco Church and prayed at the Adoration Chapel. I put my phone in silent mode and told myself that I will only check it at 3pm, which, I thought, by that time, the results had already been released. My heart was thudding crazily while praying. I prayed for strength to accept His Will.
3:00pm - I checked my phone. 0 message and 0 phone call. I went to a nearby computer shop: no results yet.
3:15pm - I was browsing through the Don Bosco religious store (as I had already read the entire prayer book of pinkrabbit17). I picked up a Novena of Confidence to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
3:30pm - I went back to the chapel. I then realized that the novena I bought is the same prayer that I was praying 4 years ago so that I may pass the UP law school application. I also prayed it before and during the bar exams! I love this prayer as it really gave me the confidence to withstand such a stressful experience but I lost my copy after the bar as I only printed it from the Internet. I felt so hopeful for finding this novena at that crucial hour. I decided that I would only check my phone later at 5pm.
3:30-4:15pm - Contrary to the previous moments, I felt so calm and peaceful while reciting the novena.
4:30pm - My foot suddenly touched my bag and I could feel my phone vibrating. I opened it to see 10 missed calls and 10 messages. I opened my inbox. I can't even remember which message I had opened. All I saw was "congratulations!"
I immediately called Terry and she affirmed to me the good news. I was crying outside the chapel and I had to lean on the wall. I didn't even notice the bystanders looking at me strangely.
I went back to the chapel to say my thanks. I drove back home to my family feeling lightheaded.
Postscript
Thank you, God! It was faith that helped me get through the 1 year of bar torture, from the 5 months of review to the 1 month of exams and to the 6 months of waiting. Everyday, I kept on praying that I will pass and, most of all, praying that I will have the courage to accept whatever plans He has for me. Yes, I had doubts but I knew that whatever happens, He is with me.
I later learned that the results were released at the Supreme Court at 3:45pm and the online list was posted at about 4pm. It's so symbolic that I was praying that special novena when the results were released.
The previous bar passers often talk about "that moment", that moment when you feel so blessed. It was (and still is) overwhelming. The text messages and calls from family, from close friends, from acquaintances and even from long-lost classmates and teachers.
However, it was also a bittersweet feeling because not everyone passed. While a close friend managed to snag the number 2 spot, two close friends failed to make it. But I'm confident that they will get through this.
After the bar exams, I wrote that I have my life back. But, at that time, I spoke too soon because the waiting period is more excruciating than the exams. The uncertainty, the fact that I couldn't make long-term plans, the pressure. The week before the release is the worst. I couldn't concentrate at work but I had deadlines to finish so I forced myself to think of the task at hand and not to dwell too much on my worries.
The sacrifices and the blood, sweat and tears have all been worth it. I can now finally say that it's really over. I have my life back and the rest of my life is now beginning.
Thank you, everyone, for the wishes, the prayers and the warm greetings. Most of all, thank you to my family for being with me all throughout this experience, to my prayer warriors who sacrificed so much for me, and to my blockmates who never lost hope and continued fighting until the end.
I am truly a living testament that in Him and through Him, everything is possible.
我要一步一步往上爬
等待陽光靜靜看著它的臉
小小的天有大大的夢想
重重的殼掛著輕輕的仰望
我要一步一步往上爬
在最高點撐著夜往前飛
讓風吹乾流過的淚痕
總有一天我有屬於我的天
9:00am - I woke up feeling nervous and stressed. It was the second day that I felt I was going to my execution date. The day before, I really thought that I would go home finally knowing whether I made it or not. But the agony of waiting was extended for another day.
10:30am - I couldn't eat more than two pieces of pan de sal for breakfast and lunch as my stomach is churning.
11:30am - I left the house to wait for my date with destiny at a place where I would find calmness and peace. My friends and I all decided that we didn't want to wait together. We preferred to wait for the moment of truth with anyone but law-school-friends.
12:00nn - I heard Mass at the Greenbelt chapel. I felt that I've come full circle. This is the church where I prayed that I may pass the UP LAE and the panel interview.
1:00pm - I went to the Don Bosco Church and prayed at the Adoration Chapel. I put my phone in silent mode and told myself that I will only check it at 3pm, which, I thought, by that time, the results had already been released. My heart was thudding crazily while praying. I prayed for strength to accept His Will.
3:00pm - I checked my phone. 0 message and 0 phone call. I went to a nearby computer shop: no results yet.
3:15pm - I was browsing through the Don Bosco religious store (as I had already read the entire prayer book of pinkrabbit17). I picked up a Novena of Confidence to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
3:30pm - I went back to the chapel. I then realized that the novena I bought is the same prayer that I was praying 4 years ago so that I may pass the UP law school application. I also prayed it before and during the bar exams! I love this prayer as it really gave me the confidence to withstand such a stressful experience but I lost my copy after the bar as I only printed it from the Internet. I felt so hopeful for finding this novena at that crucial hour. I decided that I would only check my phone later at 5pm.
3:30-4:15pm - Contrary to the previous moments, I felt so calm and peaceful while reciting the novena.
4:30pm - My foot suddenly touched my bag and I could feel my phone vibrating. I opened it to see 10 missed calls and 10 messages. I opened my inbox. I can't even remember which message I had opened. All I saw was "congratulations!"
I immediately called Terry and she affirmed to me the good news. I was crying outside the chapel and I had to lean on the wall. I didn't even notice the bystanders looking at me strangely.
I went back to the chapel to say my thanks. I drove back home to my family feeling lightheaded.
Postscript
Thank you, God! It was faith that helped me get through the 1 year of bar torture, from the 5 months of review to the 1 month of exams and to the 6 months of waiting. Everyday, I kept on praying that I will pass and, most of all, praying that I will have the courage to accept whatever plans He has for me. Yes, I had doubts but I knew that whatever happens, He is with me.
I later learned that the results were released at the Supreme Court at 3:45pm and the online list was posted at about 4pm. It's so symbolic that I was praying that special novena when the results were released.
The previous bar passers often talk about "that moment", that moment when you feel so blessed. It was (and still is) overwhelming. The text messages and calls from family, from close friends, from acquaintances and even from long-lost classmates and teachers.
However, it was also a bittersweet feeling because not everyone passed. While a close friend managed to snag the number 2 spot, two close friends failed to make it. But I'm confident that they will get through this.
After the bar exams, I wrote that I have my life back. But, at that time, I spoke too soon because the waiting period is more excruciating than the exams. The uncertainty, the fact that I couldn't make long-term plans, the pressure. The week before the release is the worst. I couldn't concentrate at work but I had deadlines to finish so I forced myself to think of the task at hand and not to dwell too much on my worries.
The sacrifices and the blood, sweat and tears have all been worth it. I can now finally say that it's really over. I have my life back and the rest of my life is now beginning.
Thank you, everyone, for the wishes, the prayers and the warm greetings. Most of all, thank you to my family for being with me all throughout this experience, to my prayer warriors who sacrificed so much for me, and to my blockmates who never lost hope and continued fighting until the end.
I am truly a living testament that in Him and through Him, everything is possible.
我要一步一步往上爬
等待陽光靜靜看著它的臉
小小的天有大大的夢想
重重的殼掛著輕輕的仰望
我要一步一步往上爬
在最高點撐著夜往前飛
讓風吹乾流過的淚痕
總有一天我有屬於我的天