ownership

[myonlyhope]

i feel like my thoughts aren't mine anymore.

they belong to anyone but me.
friends. neighbors. coworkers. social networking sites.

i can't have a thought and just think it.

i can't write it down. someone will see it.
i like to think that i've always written for me and only for me.
i started journaling when i was 10 and always found it the most therapeutic way to live.

then came along makeoutclub. then friendster. then myspace. then facebook. then twitter.

everything is a presentation.
i don't want to present anymore.

i can't write it in a book. it's a physical, tangible space with words that can be found.

ultimately, i can delete this when i want.
this is more of a phantom journal that was once followed and is likely followed no more.
but still i come back here.

i find myself in the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

but somewhere here i have always been honest with myself. because i never expected anyone to read or respond or acknowledge what is here.

not that i'm against the possibility.

but i want to live my life off the web.
so...
where do i start?