End of the semester
There are 4 more class days, 10 more days in my college town, and 6 more days until I officially blow-up. It's the end of the semester, which means that final exams are coming up. I have never been a good test taker. In high school I would get panic attacks before every test and forget about sleeping right that entire week. Now in college these exams are much more important not to mention more difficult. For the last four semesters I swore by the end of exam week that I wouldn't ever be able to handle it again. Now coming into it once again I feel like I can't go on. I can't study, I can't focus, and I can't even force myself to think about so much as what I need to do tomorrow. This entire semester I've gotten pretty shaky grades so the finals coming up are very important and I keep telling myself that, but that seems to be as far as I can go. All I want is to go home and be happy. I want to stop learning about math that makes no sense and physics that bores the hell out of me. I want to stop doing homework that I basically forget about after I finish it. I want to stop failing. I want to be happy. My mother used to say to me when I was a kid having a little tantrum "you can't always get what you want" (rolling stones quote, my mother is a hippie). In this situation though that song can go to hell. I can't remember the last time I got something I wanted. I'm living on nothing, I have nothing, and I don't complain about it. I'm content with what little I have, it makes me stronger. But if there is one thing I have always wanted it is to be genuinely happy. Last year for new years eve every one wrote on a slip of paper what their new years resolution was and we put it in a hat and at midnight burned them all. I wrote, to be happy. Why is it that the thing you want most is the hardest to achieve?
Ayn Rand is my favorite author and her writing usually does a decent job of inspiring me or pushing me to do better so here is a quote that I really like from my favorite of her novels, Atlas Shrugged,
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not so quite, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."
Ayn Rand is my favorite author and her writing usually does a decent job of inspiring me or pushing me to do better so here is a quote that I really like from my favorite of her novels, Atlas Shrugged,
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not so quite, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."