(no subject)
so i cant seem to break free. cant seem to just be new. i wonder why we are even given chances when its like...you get to the tope then just fall off of the other side. its weird, why we even strive for something when nothing is really worth it. and the one thing that actually IS worth it, i barely understand. i like laughing at my certain things and i like have junk food in the refrigerator but besides that not too many things are interesting because it just involves risks and heartache. im tired of the small small talk and the eyes that see nothing more than frills and spills.
today im concerned over my druggie sisters and how they have no remorse or guilt and they just keep on sucking the life out of my mother and father. if i lived down there, this shit would never have happened. I made a mistake and did something entirely too foolish and made myself feel like it would be ok, when in the morning, now my account is way too negative and i have nothing to show for it but some bowls from williams-sonoma and a sister in prison.
encrypted. hidden. lies and spies and words that are heavier than most and lighter than some.
where is the middle ground. the stable life?
where is the peace, or does it ever come in life?
where can i go. i dont want to go down, but up is unreachable. and i cant stay here much longer.
i would pray but...it would just be selfish praying. im not broken enough to humbly come before anyone. i dont know how to get back to a place where i walk meager and small. i feel blown up. huge and sticky and whiny and old.
today im concerned over my druggie sisters and how they have no remorse or guilt and they just keep on sucking the life out of my mother and father. if i lived down there, this shit would never have happened. I made a mistake and did something entirely too foolish and made myself feel like it would be ok, when in the morning, now my account is way too negative and i have nothing to show for it but some bowls from williams-sonoma and a sister in prison.
encrypted. hidden. lies and spies and words that are heavier than most and lighter than some.
where is the middle ground. the stable life?
where is the peace, or does it ever come in life?
where can i go. i dont want to go down, but up is unreachable. and i cant stay here much longer.
i would pray but...it would just be selfish praying. im not broken enough to humbly come before anyone. i dont know how to get back to a place where i walk meager and small. i feel blown up. huge and sticky and whiny and old.