I'm far from lonely and it's all that I've got
So here it is 2:30 in the morning and I'm wondering what I'm doing with my life. I don't know why but for some reason I've had a really weird feeling lately. I have everything right now, everything I've ever wanted but it doesn't feel like it. As corny as this is going to be there's something missing and I have no clue what it is. It's odd because I feel it worst here then I did at UK but I have so much more here then i did at Uk. Like I really like my classes I love the girls in my sorority and I have Brittanee, Josh, and Becca here. I also really like my roomie she's so awesome but I just can't shake this feeling. I know part of it is that since high school I haven't been sure of anything. I don't know what I want to do, I never knew what I wanted when I was with Adam, I'm just confuesed. Maybe it's growing up that's making me feel like this. I know that I'm going to have to figure out what I want to do fairly soon and then I'm going to have to do it for the rest of my life. That's such a big decision for someone who isn't sure of anything. Also I feel like I'm growing apart from the two people that I wasn't closest to coming into this. I never see Brittanee for some reason, and when I do she's hating life and wants to go to sleep. Josh, I see him but we never talk just me and him. Everytime I pass a point in my life I tend to long for the way it used to be even if I wasn't content with the way it used to be.
I think part of what's bothering me is that I am having fun and I do like being down here and I have a feeling that this is going to last and it's hard for me to let go of the life I have in Louisville. When I was at UK my heart was always in Louisville and most of the time I was there also. Now I'm having fun going out and meeting new people and I'm scared that I see myself making Bowling Green home. I'm not sure if I'm really ready for that. I need my mommy, and I love the kingdom and all of the people there they're like a second family. I'm not ready to let that go but at the same time I don't feel like I can have everything no matter how hard I try. Like looking at my schedule of events for my sorority only leaves a few weekends for me to work for the rest of the season and then it's over, and I'm not ready for it to be over. I know there's a lot of people not coming back next year so our time together is limited. I know I'm whining and I know some people won't understand but it's just hard to accept that everytime I'm in one place loving what I'm doing and where I'm at I'm missing the people in the other place.
I realize this was long and drawn out and I wish I could say it helped but to be honest it probably made it worse because now I'm just thinking about it more. Something else that may be the cause for my emoness is that last year I had Adam so I knew I was missed and no matter what our relationship was like it felt good to know that when I was feeling lonely that there was someone back home that missed me and wanted me there as much as I wanted to be there. I guess I just need to move on and grow up but I've never been good with letting go of something. I just hate not knowing what I want to do and I hate feeling torn. I don't regret anything though and that has to count for something.
I would like to say on a happier note that I actually had a great day/night... I tailgated, went to the game, went out to dinner with some friends, then we went to a few parties and I met a lot of people. I didn't get trashed tonight which is odd considering I started drinking at 3 but I quit for a long time then I didn't drink much tonight. Which is good because I threw up out my window last night and made a full of myself the night before. I've actually had a fun weekend but I still feel all sad. Oh and for those of you that got drunk dialed or heard a message that I left I would like to say that I'm sorry if I woke anyone up and I'm glad I was a source of amusement for some. But I think I'm going to go to bed and think about stuff. Sorry for the ramblings and I'm sure there's a bazillion gramatical errors but it's 3:28am so you'll get over it...
<3 Amy
I think part of what's bothering me is that I am having fun and I do like being down here and I have a feeling that this is going to last and it's hard for me to let go of the life I have in Louisville. When I was at UK my heart was always in Louisville and most of the time I was there also. Now I'm having fun going out and meeting new people and I'm scared that I see myself making Bowling Green home. I'm not sure if I'm really ready for that. I need my mommy, and I love the kingdom and all of the people there they're like a second family. I'm not ready to let that go but at the same time I don't feel like I can have everything no matter how hard I try. Like looking at my schedule of events for my sorority only leaves a few weekends for me to work for the rest of the season and then it's over, and I'm not ready for it to be over. I know there's a lot of people not coming back next year so our time together is limited. I know I'm whining and I know some people won't understand but it's just hard to accept that everytime I'm in one place loving what I'm doing and where I'm at I'm missing the people in the other place.
I realize this was long and drawn out and I wish I could say it helped but to be honest it probably made it worse because now I'm just thinking about it more. Something else that may be the cause for my emoness is that last year I had Adam so I knew I was missed and no matter what our relationship was like it felt good to know that when I was feeling lonely that there was someone back home that missed me and wanted me there as much as I wanted to be there. I guess I just need to move on and grow up but I've never been good with letting go of something. I just hate not knowing what I want to do and I hate feeling torn. I don't regret anything though and that has to count for something.
I would like to say on a happier note that I actually had a great day/night... I tailgated, went to the game, went out to dinner with some friends, then we went to a few parties and I met a lot of people. I didn't get trashed tonight which is odd considering I started drinking at 3 but I quit for a long time then I didn't drink much tonight. Which is good because I threw up out my window last night and made a full of myself the night before. I've actually had a fun weekend but I still feel all sad. Oh and for those of you that got drunk dialed or heard a message that I left I would like to say that I'm sorry if I woke anyone up and I'm glad I was a source of amusement for some. But I think I'm going to go to bed and think about stuff. Sorry for the ramblings and I'm sure there's a bazillion gramatical errors but it's 3:28am so you'll get over it...
<3 Amy