(no subject)
Peroxyde d'Hydrogene is what I've been applying to my burned hands for the past week because I was too anxious to make a stir fry and I got burned.
I can't remember the last time I listened to music and enjoyed it. Its sorta like I just do it because I've always done it, but now I just don't get that same vicarious feeling out of it. The days of rocking out in Glenns Caprice are long over, and for whatever reasons I just can't seem to regain the true 'joy' that music used to bring me.
Life is stagnant at the moment, horizons are so faded and jaded I feel like they're nowhere in the forseeable future. I don't wake up with any goals, I just wake and do whatever it is I'm supposed to do that particular day. Friends are sparse here, and what used to be second nature to me (meeting new people) has become as repulsive as that goatsex picture that floated around the internet for what seemed like a millenia. Day by day new realizations seem to sink in. First and foremost seems to be a lack of any apparent future in terms of a 'career'. My state of athleticism is quite questionable and remedies have failed thus far - although I'm still "working at it", meh. I also as of late feel like I'm just waiting around for Lauren and I to split. As a result I get mad at things that are really just nonconsequential and in the past I probably would have just laughed at - most of the time I get mad in my head and then I have to remember that I'm being a retard. I think that at the end of this year she'll fly off to some tropical island or travel to wherever the fuck and will leave me behind. Maybe I feel that way because its happened to me before or maybe because its an accurate depiction of what's going to happen, either way it's bumming me out.
today is 1 month since I quit smoking dope, fairly insignificant to most but a not such a bad progression for me. Its not like it was hard or that I even really think about it but its something positive to think about amidst what seems to be a sea of troubles. Along the same lines is my quasi quitting of drinking in excess. Last week I drank almost a 26er without really realizing it (damn you brown lcbo bag) and I puked my guts out for who knows how long as that night is not a blank spot. Anyways I think its stupid how people give me shit for not wanting to be a fall down drunk every friday or every tuesday friday saturday. Things should be reversed for one, and for two I wish things in life were like "Oh you're driving to the store down the street, you fucking cunt why don't you walk?" or something. Basically I think there are way worse things to bitch about than someone who doesn't want to get drunk. I've seen enough of alcohol in one way or another to dislike it, but then who wants to break out their sob story of an alcoholic dad in the middle of the day to someone.
This is depressing, and I've got to go learn about something I'll forget in 6 months. bye
I can't remember the last time I listened to music and enjoyed it. Its sorta like I just do it because I've always done it, but now I just don't get that same vicarious feeling out of it. The days of rocking out in Glenns Caprice are long over, and for whatever reasons I just can't seem to regain the true 'joy' that music used to bring me.
Life is stagnant at the moment, horizons are so faded and jaded I feel like they're nowhere in the forseeable future. I don't wake up with any goals, I just wake and do whatever it is I'm supposed to do that particular day. Friends are sparse here, and what used to be second nature to me (meeting new people) has become as repulsive as that goatsex picture that floated around the internet for what seemed like a millenia. Day by day new realizations seem to sink in. First and foremost seems to be a lack of any apparent future in terms of a 'career'. My state of athleticism is quite questionable and remedies have failed thus far - although I'm still "working at it", meh. I also as of late feel like I'm just waiting around for Lauren and I to split. As a result I get mad at things that are really just nonconsequential and in the past I probably would have just laughed at - most of the time I get mad in my head and then I have to remember that I'm being a retard. I think that at the end of this year she'll fly off to some tropical island or travel to wherever the fuck and will leave me behind. Maybe I feel that way because its happened to me before or maybe because its an accurate depiction of what's going to happen, either way it's bumming me out.
today is 1 month since I quit smoking dope, fairly insignificant to most but a not such a bad progression for me. Its not like it was hard or that I even really think about it but its something positive to think about amidst what seems to be a sea of troubles. Along the same lines is my quasi quitting of drinking in excess. Last week I drank almost a 26er without really realizing it (damn you brown lcbo bag) and I puked my guts out for who knows how long as that night is not a blank spot. Anyways I think its stupid how people give me shit for not wanting to be a fall down drunk every friday or every tuesday friday saturday. Things should be reversed for one, and for two I wish things in life were like "Oh you're driving to the store down the street, you fucking cunt why don't you walk?" or something. Basically I think there are way worse things to bitch about than someone who doesn't want to get drunk. I've seen enough of alcohol in one way or another to dislike it, but then who wants to break out their sob story of an alcoholic dad in the middle of the day to someone.
This is depressing, and I've got to go learn about something I'll forget in 6 months. bye