(no subject)
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyy goddddddddddddd.
So I just read one of my livejournal posts from last year, the really really long one about seth and music and...
Holy shit people, why are you still my friends?! I was a crazy person!!!
I really do love you all though.. I do.. *hugs*
I am just so completely BAFFLED at how sucked into him I was. He was like this... monster sucking away all of my individuality and happiness. And then I read the comments to that post by Kat and Sarah, and I get really upset at how I just wasn't listening to any of them because I was so stubborn... I feel really terrible about that. I'm just glad that I have that post now to read and help me to not feel badly about the breakup. That was probably the best decision I've ever made, and it's all thanks to my friends who guided me in the decision, and are still helping me get through it. It's been a little over 2 weeks so far, and it's been really really hard, but I'm getting there thanks to all the support from my friends and family.
Seriously though, if that post isn't the resemblance of someone who's completely brainwashed by her boyfriend and going through a hell of a life in every aspect... I don't know what is. o_o And I'm not saying it's all his fault either. Because to be honest with you I don't think he knew what he was doing... his issues run really deep. But it's better now that we're apart; for me and for him.
The scary part is that I was so completely numb to it during my whole senior year. It was Katie who eventually did the dirty work and dragged me out of the hole. It's not like I WANTED to stay in the hole at that point, it's just that I had been stuck in it for so long that it was hard for me to leave. And now I have all of my friends there to help me and be proud of me and make stupid faces at me (kat :D) and distract me and just remind me that I made the decision that I myself CHOSE to make. the decision that I had known was the right decision since day 1.
Thank you everyone, I love you all!
But also.. one of the hardest parts about pulling it together is breaking old habits. Habits of running to him when I was feeling alone and scared. And also it's hard to keep from hoping that we can be together in the end, since he's getting help now... I'll have good days and bad days.. and the bad days have been frequent lately since all of my friends are gone on spring break.. but I'll get there. College will be perfect for me.
BTW, I'm going to Baldwin-Wallace College and majoring in violin performance. (it's in cleveland, yay liberals) I really wanted to go to university of michigan but I didn't get in :( So oh well. BW will be fun.
<3
So I just read one of my livejournal posts from last year, the really really long one about seth and music and...
Holy shit people, why are you still my friends?! I was a crazy person!!!
I really do love you all though.. I do.. *hugs*
I am just so completely BAFFLED at how sucked into him I was. He was like this... monster sucking away all of my individuality and happiness. And then I read the comments to that post by Kat and Sarah, and I get really upset at how I just wasn't listening to any of them because I was so stubborn... I feel really terrible about that. I'm just glad that I have that post now to read and help me to not feel badly about the breakup. That was probably the best decision I've ever made, and it's all thanks to my friends who guided me in the decision, and are still helping me get through it. It's been a little over 2 weeks so far, and it's been really really hard, but I'm getting there thanks to all the support from my friends and family.
Seriously though, if that post isn't the resemblance of someone who's completely brainwashed by her boyfriend and going through a hell of a life in every aspect... I don't know what is. o_o And I'm not saying it's all his fault either. Because to be honest with you I don't think he knew what he was doing... his issues run really deep. But it's better now that we're apart; for me and for him.
The scary part is that I was so completely numb to it during my whole senior year. It was Katie who eventually did the dirty work and dragged me out of the hole. It's not like I WANTED to stay in the hole at that point, it's just that I had been stuck in it for so long that it was hard for me to leave. And now I have all of my friends there to help me and be proud of me and make stupid faces at me (kat :D) and distract me and just remind me that I made the decision that I myself CHOSE to make. the decision that I had known was the right decision since day 1.
Thank you everyone, I love you all!
But also.. one of the hardest parts about pulling it together is breaking old habits. Habits of running to him when I was feeling alone and scared. And also it's hard to keep from hoping that we can be together in the end, since he's getting help now... I'll have good days and bad days.. and the bad days have been frequent lately since all of my friends are gone on spring break.. but I'll get there. College will be perfect for me.
BTW, I'm going to Baldwin-Wallace College and majoring in violin performance. (it's in cleveland, yay liberals) I really wanted to go to university of michigan but I didn't get in :( So oh well. BW will be fun.
<3