Be Mine, Beautiful You [Prologue]
TITLE: Be Mine, Beautiful You
AUTHOR: mynichi
PART: Prologue
PAIRINGS: Myungsoo/Sungyeol, Yunho/Jaejoong, Woohyun/Sunggyu, Hoya/Sungjong
RATING: PG
LENGTH: Chaptered
SUMMARY: It's not just friendship when you want that beautiful guy all for yourself.
“You made me gay and now you just decided to have a girlfriend?” Jae cried out, feeling like heaven and hell had decided to sandwich him in between them. All his hopes, all his dreams felt like sand getting washed away by the waves… away from the shore, away from him. He couldn’t let everything just fade away.
“I didn’t tell you to like me,” Yunho pointed out matter-of-factly, his calm exterior the opposite of Jaejoong’s seething frustration.
“But you knew how much I like you! No, I love you! I’m in love with you! I have always been in love with you, and you’ve known that all along!” Jae knew that Yunho was aware of this already, but he just had to emphasize his feelings. He had to make Yunho realize his true feelings. “I’ve never really kept it a secret, haven’t I?”
“Then, what do you want me to do?” Yunho rubbed his temple; this conversation was wearing him out; he didn’t know when and how it happened, but Jae had become someone very close to him, someone he couldn’t afford to have even a single argument without feeling restless and edgy until they make up. But this row seemed to have to happen, one way or another.
“Admit that you like me, too!”
“I am not gay, Jaejoongie. I do like you, but not in the way that you expect me to like you.”
“’Not gay’ my ass! I’m not stupid!”
“Will you relax,” Yunho said worriedly, touching Jaejoong’s arm. “You’re shaking. Let’s get you home. We’ll just talk again when you’re calm.”
Jae shook Yunho’s hand off his arm. “No! How can I relax?! How can I calm down?! Yunho, I have loved you since the first time I saw you. The first time! You have always been a handsome bastard, even in the middle of that damn street fight and I couldn’t get you off my mind. Do you know how crazy I felt? I kept on thinking… dreaming about a stranger! And a guy, for crying out loud! I didn’t know you, but I felt like in that moment when I saw you, you’d become a part of me.
“And right then, I admitted to myself that I love you. Imagine that. I’m in love with a fucking guy, Yunho! You have no idea how… how... how I hated myself for liking you, a guy. I hated myself but I learned to accept everything, because in the end I realized that you’re going to be worth it, so I just had to find you. And I tried. I kept on coming back to that street for days, weeks, months… I wanted to see you so bad. And even when I told myself that I wouldn’t find you there, I still kept on coming back there unconsciously. And I started seeing you everywhere. I knew I had to live my life without you, and I tried. I really did!
“But then you just had to come back and show up. You came back, Yunho. You were right in front of me. I waited for you, and you came back. I can’t lose you again. I can’t lose you again, please… You know I can’t. I’ll go crazy if I lose you.”
“Jae… you are not losing me; I am not leaving, and I’m still your friend.”
“You know that’s not what I mean!”
Yunho closed his eyes; seeing Jaejoong like this tore him apart, and he knew that the other would keep on hurting… because of him. “I can’t like you.”
“You can’t but you want to!”
“It’s not like that-”
Jae grabbed his hair. “God, Yunho! If it’s not like that then why didn’t you stay away from me since day one? Isn’t my flirting obvious? Or were you just too stupid to notice?!”
Yunho sighed; he didn’t know how he would be able to explain his point to the other. “Jae, you’re very important to me and I don’t want you out of my life… I admit that I noticed what you were doing before, but Jae, you’re very different from everyone that I met and I just kept on gravitating towards you. I knew even if I tried to avoid you… I’d still come back. But it’s not what you think.”
Yunho was stunned with what he just said. Yes, Jae was important to him. He thought he couldn’t stand being away from him, and a day was not complete without Jaejoong. And this confused him. Why? It pissed him off. He couldn’t understand what he’s feeling, not one bit. Shit.
“I don’t get you. Are you confused or what?”
Yunho shook his head but he knew that Jae, like always, was right. He was fucking confused but he couldn’t let Jae notice that. He didn’t want to hurt Jae more by giving him even a little hint of hope.
“I am not confused. This is what I really feel. And I don’t think it’s the same thing you have for me,” he lied as best as he could.
“Do you love her?” Jaejoong asked all of a sudden.
“What?”
“Do you love her?” Jaejoong dared to ask, emphasizing every word this time. If he said yes, then it’s all over. He lost and wouldn’t do anything about it anymore.
“Jae…” Yunho reached out a hand, trying to do what he always did when Jaejoong threw a fit.
“Don’t touch me!” Jaejoong took a step backward and seethed, “See?! You can’t even answer my question! How hard is it to answer a Yes-or-No question?! I just asked you if you love your girlfriend! How difficult is that? And you even tried to touch me! You treat me like a woman and you expect me to be a man?!”
Deep down thought, Jae was relieved that Yunho didn’t answer his question. But it pissed him off at the same time that Yunho acted in total contrast to his words.
“Just stop, Jaejoong.” Yunho’s feelings were starting to betray him. He didn’t know what to do and feel anymore. His thoughts seemed to be shooting everywhere. And Jaejoong’s torrent of words was totally not helping.
“Why? You know what, you’re a coward. You just can’t accept the fact that-”
“For Christ’s sake, Jaejoong! I won’t admit anything because there’s nothing to admit! I didn’t do anything! I didn’t ask you to do all of that! You’re just being an assuming little fag who’s following me around like-” Yunho stopped himself when his words registered to his own ears.
“Wow. Assuming little fag. Didn’t know you labeled me as one.” Jae wasn’t able to hold back his tears anymore. “You’re right. You didn’t do anything. I just assumed. I just believed this little illusion of mine that you like me, too. I guess everything you did was nothing, everything was just a misunderstanding. I was wrong all along. Who would like an assuming little fag like me, right?”
“Jae, that’s not what I meant.” Yunho said, and it really wasn’t. He did not mean it; he was just … at a loss.
“It’s exactly what you meant and thought all this time!”
“No! It’s out of anger. I really don’t mean that,” Yunho insisted, trying to convince Jaejoong and explain himself, but Jaejoong kept on crying, and it’s breaking him apart; he tried to reach out again, but Jae took a step backward. “Please… stop… don’t cry. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
“No. I’m sorry. Sorry for acting like a spoiled bitch who could never have what he likes.”
All the people around them continued with whatever they were doing, spending this normal night happily, but Jung Yunho felt so terrible. The only person he had closest to a best friend was breaking apart in front of him, all because of his awful insensitivity and selfishness and stupid, stupid mouth. Yunho took a step forward to close the distance that Jae put between them when the other stopped him.
“Stop. Don’t you come near me.” Jaejoong looked at the floor of the park that used to be so appealing to him. And from now on he was sure it would be a haunted place where he would never ever want to come back. The darkness of the daunting night added to the feeling he never knew he would ever feel. “All these time, I thought you were mine.”
He slowly took steps backward and finally walked away with tears falling, falling endlessly, and ignoring everyone he bumped into. His mind was flying somewhere he couldn’t reach. It couldn’t even tell him where he was headed; it was too busy torturing him with the pain of his breaking heart.
It seemed like all the tears washed away all the great memories he had with Yunho. All the feelings he thought they shared. He wanted to stop crying, he wanted to stop running, and he wanted to stop time. But reality wouldn’t stop banging his head, the reality he didn’t expect and he never wanted. It sucked, more than anything, but he had to live with it. He needed to live through it.
A bright light suddenly blinded him, stopping him from his tracks. He tried to figure out what it was and failed. This is weird, he thought, weird that he could not hear a thing, even a single noise; the silence frightened him, until he heard someone calling out his name.
“JAEJOONG!”
He looked across the street and saw Yunho, his precious Yunho, the guy he loved, the guy he’s forever in love. His name sounded perfect, pristine when Yunho said it. It was music in his ears, the best melody he would ever hear.
∞
“You’ve been ignoring me for days!” Sungyeol shrieked.
“I am not ignoring you,” Myungsoo calmly denied.
“So, what is it? Just simply forgetting to notice this tall guy? Any more shit you want to say, Kim Myungsoo?” Sungyeol said, his best friend’s serene face totally unnerving him. He really couldn’t fathom why his best friend suddenly ignored him like they were never friends.
“When will you ever stop, Sungyeol?” groaned Myungsoo. He’d been listening to Sungyeol’s whimpering for about half an hour and he just kept on insisting the same thing.
“When you tell me what the hell is wrong with you! You’ve been as cold as ice for days now! You don’t do that to your best friend because he hates it!”
“It shows.”
“Then, why are you still acting like an asshole? Is it because of my Yunho hyung?” Sungyeol asked and knew he hit the bull’s eye when Myungsoo, who suddenly found his shoes interesting, did not reply. “I knew it! Is it my fault? Did I tell him to date that girl? Did I?”
“But-”
“But what?! Why are you dragging our friendship to this?”
“I don’t know! I can’t help it,” Myungsoo almost yelled. Seeing his Jaejoong hyung sad was the first thing he never wanted and even if he’s younger, he promised that he would protect his hyung from whatever that would hurt him. But he broke that promise because of Jung Yunho; he failed to look after his hero because of Yunho. And Sungyeol, being Yunho’s cousin, just constantly reminded him of what’s been happening to those two. His annoyance for his best friend was irrational, but then, what was not?
“You just earned fifty bullshit points for that.”
“But- it’s not only the reason!” Yes, there was another reason for all of these. A reason he didn’t even want to acknowledge the existence of, but it was too much to contain anymore.
“Oh. So there are more shit?”
“Stop saying that or I’ll hit you.”
“I just dare you,” Sungyeol, whose eyes got rounder by the second, said confidently, knowing that his best friend could never hurt him.
Myungsoo sighed fully aware what Sungyeol’s thinking. “Let’s just stop this. We can’t solve this if we’re both fucked up.”
“I’ve been trying to fix this for days but you’re too busy ignoring me and being lovey-dovey with your girl!”
“It’s not like that-”
“It’s totally like that! Since you started taking that girl seriously and finally spend time with her, you’ve forgotten that you have an awesome best friend right here!”
“What are you trying to say?”
“That you already replaced me with her!” Sungyeol was so infuriated with just the thought, and now he actually voiced it out. He never thought that one day a girl could replace him in Myungsoo’s life.
“What? You two are different! She’s my girlfriend and you’re my best friend.”
“Whatever! I hate what you’re doing.”
What? That threw Myungsoo off the loop. His mood changed from exasperation to… to something completely different.
“Why?” he asked with narrowed eyes. He looked straight at the taller one’s eyes and slowly walked towards him. “Why do you hate it?”
“Why are you moving closer?” Sungyeol asked nervously, countering Myungsoo’s steps towards him with steps of his own, only backwards.
“Tell me,” the other whispered, still continuing what he was doing until Sungyeol’s back hit the wall. “Why?”
“No-nothing” Sungyeol stammered and looked away from the other. He tried to push Myungsoo away, but it was either his arms turned to jelly or Myungsoo became steel overnight. “You’re too close.”
Myungsoo, ever so slowly, moved his face closer to Sungyeol’s and scanned the other’s adorable, perfect lips. “Sungyeol… tell me.”
“YA! Stop it!”
Myungsoo blinked once and finally got his mind back; he stepped away from Sungyeol and closed his eyes. “Shit.”
“What was that?”
“This!” Myungsoo grabbed his hair in frustration. “This is the other problem!”
“How many issues do you really have? C’mon, if you need to see a therapist just suck it up and see one.”
Myungsoo did not appear to have heard him as he paced back and forth. “Let me get things straight. I like girls. I really like girls. I only like girls!”
“Oh, really? Didn’t know that,” Sungyeol said sarcastically.
“I’m serious! I like girls! I’m not gay!”
“Who told you you’re one?”
“Jaejoong hyung!”
“Really? But what is it had to do with me? Am I Jaejoong hyung?” asked Sungyeol, pointing a finger to his own chest. “I just want you to know that I am Lee Sungyeol, not Kim Jaejoong or Jung Yunho. Stop dragging me into everything!”
“Because he said… he said… that...”
“What?”
“He said that…”
“Dammit, Myungsoo! When you’re ready to tell me what your hyung said, just tell my imaginary secretary to-”
“He said that I like you!”
Sungyeol’s eyes widened upon hearing that. He cleared his throat.
“Really?” he asked, not in a disgusted way but in a curious way.
“But I like girls!” Myungsoo insisted for the nth time.
“So, you don’t like me?”
“No, I like you!” Myungsoo stopped, realizing what he just said. “No- that’s not what I mean to- Dammit! Tell me, why do you have to accept everything that I do?”
“What?”
“Those touches, those hugs… everything! Why didn’t you stop me from doing that?”
“Because you’re my friend!”
“Who’s spitting bullshit now?”
“Why’s the blame suddenly on me?!”
“Because-” Myungsoo’s phone suddenly rang, demanding attention. He pulled it from his pocket and cancelled the call, not even bothering to check who the caller was. “Because you’re the reason why Hyung is suspecting that I’m gay!”
“What did I do? I just-” Sungyeol was cut off because of the other’s ringing phone. “It’s irritating me. Just answer it already! The next time we fight, fucking turn it off.”
Myungsoo ignored Sungyeol’s whining and answered the call. “Yunho hyung?”
“Yunho hyung? What does he want from you?”
“Myungsoo,” Yunho said from the other line; his voice cracked and was shaking.
“Why?”
“Jae…”
**
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
So how was it, dearest readers? ♥
Chichi and I would like to update every week, but we're not sure if we could really do that. But we'll still try our best, okay? Exams are not yet over but we decided to post this already. :> No silent readers, please? We really want to know your feedbacks. :D Thank you~ /throws heart
[CHAPTER ONE]