So.
I know no one uses this anymore, and i used to use lj as a social tool for freinds and comments and whatnot. But now i guess its my journal for the exception of like 3 people that even check anymore.
But.
Its 3 in the morning and i havent even closed my eyes. Ive been turning in my sheets all night trying to sleep, and its the second night in a row. i guess im having wayyy too much stuff on my mind. and ive been reading my old posts and it makes me see how my life really is such chapters, and i miss the old chapters alot but the truth is that they are over for ever except in my memories. i feel like im growing up too fast. i keep thinking, where am i going? to be honest i hate pierce. i hate academics, im smart and i know it, but i dont know what it is i cant put it to good use with our conventional education system. i hate regular college, having to get grades and study. like alot of times i wish i were just a celebrity. i dodnt want the normal idea of going to school, getting a "good" job, and living to the exact standards society and my family is trying to mold me into. i have a way of seeing things. when i think of "employee of the month" i dont think of it as, hmm maybey one day that can be me, i think of it as, thats good incentive for the workers that your paying to work well for you. when i think of income, i dont think "i want to get fat paychecks" i think, i want to make myself fucking rich. is the conventional Highschool-College-Degree-Career route the only way? theres no way im dropping out unless i have a set plan, but i honestly have something very far from a clear vision of that route ahead of me. what am i going to be doing, not only in the future but the near future? and its like, i dont want to make that good ole 50 Gs a year living in a good ole home with a nice toyota. like, i HAVE to and WILL be above that. tripple digits with a standout home and cars. i HAVE to. and im sure this can either be worked out with therapy, or im just going to have to do it. growing up sucks kinda, i didnt realize how carefree high school actually was. an unknowing future can be either a comforting thing in that u can just say 'well im only in highschool i have years to think of that" or a discomforting thing, like where i am, where i say, "were am i going?"
ugh, i wouldnt mind if i never set foot in a highschool party again.
i dunno, maybey this LAPARTIES thing will be a stepping stone into something really worth something in that business. maybey my somewhat understanding of music will be what im into. maybey business and real estate. maybey all. i dont know but i wish i did and i wish i could officially start the new chapter of my career, id even rather have that and skip the college experience if i could. as of now though, if i dont find anything serious about my life then i WILL have the college experience and ill move to san diego. but hey if i can find a job in a studio wehre i can learn the ropes of the entertainment industry and get a fucking amazing career whether or not i get that fucking diploma my family is breathing down my neck to get then dammit thats what ill do. anyways hopefully this happens soon.
the days of partying every weekend and bitches bitches bitches was ripest the last 2-3 years of my life but its played out in my book and i would be the happiest i could be right now by finding a mature girlfriend and getting goals for the future worked out career wise. within the next year hopefully?
But.
Its 3 in the morning and i havent even closed my eyes. Ive been turning in my sheets all night trying to sleep, and its the second night in a row. i guess im having wayyy too much stuff on my mind. and ive been reading my old posts and it makes me see how my life really is such chapters, and i miss the old chapters alot but the truth is that they are over for ever except in my memories. i feel like im growing up too fast. i keep thinking, where am i going? to be honest i hate pierce. i hate academics, im smart and i know it, but i dont know what it is i cant put it to good use with our conventional education system. i hate regular college, having to get grades and study. like alot of times i wish i were just a celebrity. i dodnt want the normal idea of going to school, getting a "good" job, and living to the exact standards society and my family is trying to mold me into. i have a way of seeing things. when i think of "employee of the month" i dont think of it as, hmm maybey one day that can be me, i think of it as, thats good incentive for the workers that your paying to work well for you. when i think of income, i dont think "i want to get fat paychecks" i think, i want to make myself fucking rich. is the conventional Highschool-College-Degree-Career route the only way? theres no way im dropping out unless i have a set plan, but i honestly have something very far from a clear vision of that route ahead of me. what am i going to be doing, not only in the future but the near future? and its like, i dont want to make that good ole 50 Gs a year living in a good ole home with a nice toyota. like, i HAVE to and WILL be above that. tripple digits with a standout home and cars. i HAVE to. and im sure this can either be worked out with therapy, or im just going to have to do it. growing up sucks kinda, i didnt realize how carefree high school actually was. an unknowing future can be either a comforting thing in that u can just say 'well im only in highschool i have years to think of that" or a discomforting thing, like where i am, where i say, "were am i going?"
ugh, i wouldnt mind if i never set foot in a highschool party again.
i dunno, maybey this LAPARTIES thing will be a stepping stone into something really worth something in that business. maybey my somewhat understanding of music will be what im into. maybey business and real estate. maybey all. i dont know but i wish i did and i wish i could officially start the new chapter of my career, id even rather have that and skip the college experience if i could. as of now though, if i dont find anything serious about my life then i WILL have the college experience and ill move to san diego. but hey if i can find a job in a studio wehre i can learn the ropes of the entertainment industry and get a fucking amazing career whether or not i get that fucking diploma my family is breathing down my neck to get then dammit thats what ill do. anyways hopefully this happens soon.
the days of partying every weekend and bitches bitches bitches was ripest the last 2-3 years of my life but its played out in my book and i would be the happiest i could be right now by finding a mature girlfriend and getting goals for the future worked out career wise. within the next year hopefully?