doorknobs and boomsticks
So the thing about my bedroom door is that it only has a knob on one side.
And if you are admiring this single shiny knob from the inside of my room, and the door is shut, then you have a problem:
You see, when this particular door is shut, it does not open.
A couple of nights ago I imbibed a whole bottle of wine in a too-small amount of time and decided to go to bed early.
kiwaussiegirl (6:58:19 PM): I want to.
kiwaussiegirl (6:58:21 PM): Dedicate.
kiwaussiegirl (6:58:26 PM): This imaginary grain of rice./
kiwaussiegirl (6:58:28 PM): To you.
kiwaussiegirl (6:58:36 PM): wtf r ice?
kiwaussiegirl (6:59:54 PM): RICE.
kiwaussiegirl (7:00:05 PM): We iddn't have rice we had NODDLES and they were baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad and sticky ick.
kiwaussiegirl (7:00:11 PM): Noddle.
kiwaussiegirl (7:00:26 PM): Is that what you get when you put Noddy in a. Paster maker thing.
kiwaussiegirl (7:00:28 PM): ...
kiwaussiegirl (7:00:30 PM): pASDTER
kiwaussiegirl (7:00:33 PM): ......................
kiwaussiegirl (7:00:34 PM): PASTER
kiwaussiegirl (7:00:38 PM): Patsaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
kiwaussiegirl (7:00:41 PM): PSTA
kiwaussiegirl (7:00:47 PM): Pffffffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
kiwaussiegirl (7:01:28 PM): oop.
kiwaussiegirl (7:01:30 PM): wine on keyboard ;lol
kiwaussiegirl (7:01:34 PM): mnwdexxxxxxxx mnbvr5
kiwaussiegirl (7:01:37 PM): I clean it
Being indisposed and forgetful I shut the door.
This didn't seem like such a disaster at the time because I figured that I would be sleeping soon anyway, and someone would let me out in the morning.
BUT WHERE DO LIQUIDS EVENTUALLY GO WHEN YOU HAVE IMBIBED THEM?
Yes, at around one in the morning I really quite needed to pee. But I wasn't sure what time it was and where people were. I could hear Dad snoring next door, so I pushed on the door to make it bang in the frame, hoping that he would wake up and come to my rescue. I didn't want to yell because then I would most likely wake up everyone.
If anything, Dad snored louder.
So I cast about my room looking for anything that might facilitate my escape. I found a price ticket from some anonymous item of clothing, and jammed it into the jamb. Hollywood is full of lies: the ticket came out spectacularly bent and I still needed to pee.
I found a tube of handcream and pushed the back end of that into the crevice. It did shit all.
I found scissors and closed them around the blocky thing that the knob manipulates, trying to push it back into the door. It moved, but. Not far enough.
Anyway, while I was fiddling with the scissors, the voice of liberty speaks from the other side of the door:
"Jane, are you stuck?"
"Yes, and I need to pee!"
I pushed the scissors under the door, and was free.
Mum was crying with laughter while I related my harrowing tale of incarceration most foul through my own fit of giggles.
And because the rooms are next-door to each other, and Mum and Dad leave their door open and I have to leave my door open, we could hear one another snickering in the dark and kept going off into fresh pillow-stifled paroxysms of hilarity.
Obviously, a fun time was had by all.