im back ya'll
wow long time no see hey there people of the human race, its been months, well back on to catching up, so went to jail, detox, rehab. then many sober houses, i kept getting kicked out untill i got into the one i am in curently, it took forever but thank god! anyway im officially over six months sober, i have my car i will be visitng some friends in the seminole and largo area once i have some money saved, i need to get some cash before anything else. but i have been doing alot of reflecting, just about life in general. more or less how i have been such a bad person, i messed up lots of things, but one of the most unnatural thing is mary, i just dont understand her, i was looking at a message she wrote me along time ago during our little "break" thats how i put it when in truth she was begging me to stop getting fucked up, and i wanted to get the nagging out of my head so i called time out. but this is what she said, and if i called this nagging way back when i need some serious fucking therapy because this is love "Message: hey jonah..i love you more than anything in this world and i dont give a shit how you feel about **** or how she thinks she feels about you and i dont care what she has to say, no one will love you more than me because your my jonah and you always will be. thats a fact. theres nothin that can describe how much i love you, and you know this.." that is the whole thing except the name mentioned was taken out for disclosed reasons. but i wanted to get away from that, she was in love with me, and i didn't care, that is my bad reaction to generalized human emotion, i get scared and try to run, i swear every time i read that i cant help but to regret my mistakes and now she wont even talk to me. its not like i want her back im spesific but more or less, it is that i want that worryless to go away, but i never had that feeling truly untill six months ago, since i truely got sober i can actually say i have been the happyest i have been in a long time, and it feels good, but i want to expiernce love in the rawest form, i never truely had and expierence with it because, i was always getting trashed, and i never really felt anything except when i did something wrong, but it was only temporary, thats irrelevant, i really want it now, and i cant get this special girl out of my head, i want to wait untill i have my year though, she knows how i feel, thats probally why i want her, because she understands my position, and doesnt put me down because of it. it may sound kind of odd but that is what i want. now off the sad story of my life and to exciting new and happy things, currently i began working with my mother at her office its great it gives me lots of time with myself, time to relax get work done, and not get stressed. things are really starting to go my way and i could not have as much gratitude as i do now.~Baby J.