I reek of Weed......Happy St. Patty's Day
strange to find myself here in such a sad mood....normally I'm crazy mad, or goofy, I rarely come to livejournal sad anymore...
i've come to accept certain inevitabilities....
but listening to some fucked up U2 song, and thinking about being a rejected crayon....I realize that I really am sad.
Sad mostly because I want people to be in my life, even if it just means they say hey to me when they see me in public, like their genuinely happy to see me, happy that I'm doing well enough to get out of the house and what not....I try not to let rejection get to me....but I've been rejected a lot lately, in many ways....I've been lying to myself thinking it wasn't a big deal, but it's really starting to fuck me up....emotionally, mentally, physically....I don't know how much more of it I can take.
I never feel like people WANT to be around me anymore....some tolerate it, some may even enjoy my company when I show up wherever they are, but, I get the feeling most of the people that still hang out with me just feel obligated....
And those are friendships.....as far as relationships with memebers of the opposite sex go...I could only do better if I were a monk. It's sad. I'm not going into the details, it's pointless.....but I've always been "good enough for the moment"......girlfriend's settled for me....and others just figured I could do what they needed....and I wasn't even capable of doing that.
and what bothers me most is how much this affects me.....no matter what anyone tells me, how ever much they try to build me up.....I tear myself down because I'm always being rejected......and hey, these are stupid girls, they're smart.....they're going places and accomplishing things....they know what's worthwhile in life....and I'm not.
Don't bother looking for me at the 10 Year Reunion.....I won't make it.
i've come to accept certain inevitabilities....
but listening to some fucked up U2 song, and thinking about being a rejected crayon....I realize that I really am sad.
Sad mostly because I want people to be in my life, even if it just means they say hey to me when they see me in public, like their genuinely happy to see me, happy that I'm doing well enough to get out of the house and what not....I try not to let rejection get to me....but I've been rejected a lot lately, in many ways....I've been lying to myself thinking it wasn't a big deal, but it's really starting to fuck me up....emotionally, mentally, physically....I don't know how much more of it I can take.
I never feel like people WANT to be around me anymore....some tolerate it, some may even enjoy my company when I show up wherever they are, but, I get the feeling most of the people that still hang out with me just feel obligated....
And those are friendships.....as far as relationships with memebers of the opposite sex go...I could only do better if I were a monk. It's sad. I'm not going into the details, it's pointless.....but I've always been "good enough for the moment"......girlfriend's settled for me....and others just figured I could do what they needed....and I wasn't even capable of doing that.
and what bothers me most is how much this affects me.....no matter what anyone tells me, how ever much they try to build me up.....I tear myself down because I'm always being rejected......and hey, these are stupid girls, they're smart.....they're going places and accomplishing things....they know what's worthwhile in life....and I'm not.
Don't bother looking for me at the 10 Year Reunion.....I won't make it.