Should I just give up?
I just dont know what to do anymore.
I feel Im trying my best and it just slaps me in the face everytime.
Right now I am technically working three jobs and its killing me. But I owe people money and its up to me to pay them off. I obviously cant make it on one paycheck so that brings me to can I afford the girls?
Obviously, if I had the girls I wouldnt be working three jobs. I am right now so that I can pay off some bills and be able to provide properly for them. In case you cant tell, Im having a really really REALLY bad day. Have been getting migraines, Im sure its from working three jobs and now worrying that I have a lawyer for this thing I have going with the girls. Then I have people telling me that I shouldnt have gotten a lawyer that its going to hurt me in the long run, that I would have been better off with the court appointed lawyer even though he wasnt doing as much as I feel he might have. then I have the foster care worker telling me that yes we want you to get your girls back and then someone else telling me that the foster care worker is lying to me. That she doesnt like me and that she doesnt want me to get my girls back. that Im not good enough to have them, and then people wonder why I think Im a bad mom?!?!?!?!?!?!
Then to top EVERYTHING off I missed my visit with Katie today and that has just devestated me. I cant stop crying today because of it. I dont want her to think that I dont love her and had forgotten about her
I DIDNT I dont know what happened other than I was sleeping. And thats not a good enough excuse. There isnt a good excuse for letting your daughter down. I feel like Im Charlie right now.
I dont have a spouse that can help me out. I dont have someone I can turn to and hold me and help me work through this. I actually dont really have anyone I can even talk to about this. To many people to close to the situation and cant see things from I dont know. I would like someone to se what I am going through but then its all about me. and its not. I want my girls back more than anything in the world. But why? So Im not alone? NO. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND I MISS THEM THEY ARE MY LIFE but I guess thats not a good thing either.
My migraine is getting worse so I am going to end this for now until my mind can clear a littel bit.
I feel Im trying my best and it just slaps me in the face everytime.
Right now I am technically working three jobs and its killing me. But I owe people money and its up to me to pay them off. I obviously cant make it on one paycheck so that brings me to can I afford the girls?
Obviously, if I had the girls I wouldnt be working three jobs. I am right now so that I can pay off some bills and be able to provide properly for them. In case you cant tell, Im having a really really REALLY bad day. Have been getting migraines, Im sure its from working three jobs and now worrying that I have a lawyer for this thing I have going with the girls. Then I have people telling me that I shouldnt have gotten a lawyer that its going to hurt me in the long run, that I would have been better off with the court appointed lawyer even though he wasnt doing as much as I feel he might have. then I have the foster care worker telling me that yes we want you to get your girls back and then someone else telling me that the foster care worker is lying to me. That she doesnt like me and that she doesnt want me to get my girls back. that Im not good enough to have them, and then people wonder why I think Im a bad mom?!?!?!?!?!?!
Then to top EVERYTHING off I missed my visit with Katie today and that has just devestated me. I cant stop crying today because of it. I dont want her to think that I dont love her and had forgotten about her
I DIDNT I dont know what happened other than I was sleeping. And thats not a good enough excuse. There isnt a good excuse for letting your daughter down. I feel like Im Charlie right now.
I dont have a spouse that can help me out. I dont have someone I can turn to and hold me and help me work through this. I actually dont really have anyone I can even talk to about this. To many people to close to the situation and cant see things from I dont know. I would like someone to se what I am going through but then its all about me. and its not. I want my girls back more than anything in the world. But why? So Im not alone? NO. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND I MISS THEM THEY ARE MY LIFE but I guess thats not a good thing either.
My migraine is getting worse so I am going to end this for now until my mind can clear a littel bit.