Its Sunday
Well today was kinda interesting. I was supposed to be in nursery at church all morning. But I asked Katie to sit in there so I could go to Sunday School. Tom has started a new class and I really wanted to be in there. He is doing a class on worship and I feel like I really need to learn how to do it the correct way.
Well the class was really big this morning and kinda interesting. We did get off the subject a couple of times. But a few people said some things that kinda hit home. Bruce said that Tammy and him havent been there for a while cause they didnt feel at home. I can understand to a degree. But they have an advantage over me. They are a couple and more of the people of our church are all couples and that leaves me out. I feel left out in a lot of things because I am a single mom. There are times I feel all alone at church and that brings up something that Pam said. (or was it Jen?) that they come to church for other things like socializing and is that really worship? I am not asking to have everyone like me that just isnt feasible. But I feel that a lot of the people dont like me at all. I love my church and my church family, but there are times that I wonder if I am even noticed at church. And here again, am I going to church for the wrong reason. Am I going for myself or am I there to worship God? Am I going to have friends or am I going to learn about God? I am hoping this class will help me figure this out. But what happens if its because I want to belong to one of the clicks at church? Do I leave the church and find another one? And what about Katie and all her friends there? Do I stay so that she is happy? I just dont know anymore. I just dont know what to do. I want to worship God but can I worship him properly if I feel like this? If my mind is filled with other things other than him? Maybe I should ask these questions in the class but I dont want anyone to think bad of me for being blunt like Bruce was. Not that I think bad about him I wish that I could have been as blunt and said something to the same effect.
I think Im going to end this ranting for now. cuz I dont think there is anyone who can help me but God and he isnt going to help me in here :^) So good night.
Well the class was really big this morning and kinda interesting. We did get off the subject a couple of times. But a few people said some things that kinda hit home. Bruce said that Tammy and him havent been there for a while cause they didnt feel at home. I can understand to a degree. But they have an advantage over me. They are a couple and more of the people of our church are all couples and that leaves me out. I feel left out in a lot of things because I am a single mom. There are times I feel all alone at church and that brings up something that Pam said. (or was it Jen?) that they come to church for other things like socializing and is that really worship? I am not asking to have everyone like me that just isnt feasible. But I feel that a lot of the people dont like me at all. I love my church and my church family, but there are times that I wonder if I am even noticed at church. And here again, am I going to church for the wrong reason. Am I going for myself or am I there to worship God? Am I going to have friends or am I going to learn about God? I am hoping this class will help me figure this out. But what happens if its because I want to belong to one of the clicks at church? Do I leave the church and find another one? And what about Katie and all her friends there? Do I stay so that she is happy? I just dont know anymore. I just dont know what to do. I want to worship God but can I worship him properly if I feel like this? If my mind is filled with other things other than him? Maybe I should ask these questions in the class but I dont want anyone to think bad of me for being blunt like Bruce was. Not that I think bad about him I wish that I could have been as blunt and said something to the same effect.
I think Im going to end this ranting for now. cuz I dont think there is anyone who can help me but God and he isnt going to help me in here :^) So good night.