Comments | mymisguided: [LJ Idol] Season 8, Week 12, "Boreas"

mymisguided

[LJ Idol] Season 8, Week 12, "Boreas"

Jan 30, 2012 20:59

Challenge Name and Number: #12, Some Assembly Required
Author’s Notes: Fiction. Hints of magical realism and fantasy. I hope you enjoy.
( Where the clouds were thinnest he could see the ground below, patchwork fields and bumpy hills and the intermittent village, but mostly it was nothing but grayish, discolored white. )

lj idol, fiction, new content

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lapis_lazuli615 January 31 2012, 06:03:46 UTC

I don't know if this is in a specific world, or just genre-oriented, but I really liked the way you told this story. Nicely done.

Just as a note, I'm personally kind of off-put by the format you use at the beginning, I'd rather just jump into the story. And I'm sure it's something you use often in other communities [normally seen in fanfic, yes?], it's just something that bugs me personally.

theafaye January 31 2012, 20:37:22 UTC

Oh I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels this way! I guessed it was a fanfic thing too, but I much prefer an Idol entry to go straight to the story, especially since if I don't like the description, I won't bother reading the story.

whipchick February 1 2012, 02:04:12 UTC

Agree on the format thing - your work is good, and the ticker at the top puts me off every single time.

Love how the end ties into the beginning, this is structured really well, and Jim's longing is clear. I got the TI reference, too :)

If you're taking another pass, maybe look at the opening paragraph again - the mother/sister tie-ins are a great idea, because it describes the mountain in a fresh way, as well as anchoring Jim in the world of his family, but it doesn't quite work right now because they flash by so fast - it's probably only one or two more words per metaphor, but they're worth unpacking a little bit more.

This feels like it would be a great piece for a collection of children's stories, or for Cricket magazine.

mymisguided February 2 2012, 00:44:58 UTC

Thanks for bringing that to my attention; I've since pared the header down to just the topic and the notes. I'd never want to have something like the formatting take away from the actual story!

Thanks again for reading and commenting!

mymisguided February 2 2012, 00:40:20 UTC

That's a totally valid point, and I'd never want something like the formatting to take away from the actual story, so I've pared it down to just the notes and the topic; is that fine? Since I use my LJ for archiving rather than blogging, every entry has a uniform header to identify the contents (as I always use LJ-Cuts as a courtesy to my friend's lists) and it had never occurred to me that having a header would be off-putting. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and thanks again for taking the time to read and comment, it's much appreciated.

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