Why now?
It's when yer sitting with a whole bunch of people you realize how truly alone you are...
Anywho no not really cos I'm gunna keep going on about this heh...I try to do so much fer so many people and it wears me thin, I often forget about myself and what I need. I hide from what I feel often and yet it always shows through. I can't hide from other people the people who care about me but I can't let myself b eknown either. Why you may ask? Because they don't have th eright credentials to know what I have to say to or to hear what I have to speak (yes I i know those mean the same) Life doesn't get any easier when I believe something and everyone and I mean everyone around me tells me im wrong and i cant truly feel that way, but see I can and I DO I do becasue well I do, its in my heart and my head adn my soul I believe the feeling and I trust it. Not to mention thinking about i tis pretty much all that makes me happy (ya know the giddy happy thats rare) I miss life...I miss it all...I try so hard to get it back or to change what I have now to incorporate things of old cos I need them but nooooo! Not allowed I cant have what would make life right, and that is unfair. When despair and terror take up a lot of your time you realize how futile fighting back is...I used to fight day and night endlessly, all because of the light, I saw the light in the distance and i wanted so bad to reach it. Right now I can't even stand myself sometimesI push too hard and try more than a normal person, I shove mroe than my fair share and take more than im granted. Im a desease a plague upon or green and blue cool mother earth, disguised as a helpful friendly cureI really cause death and destruction and all thigns negative in my path. :P Ahhhh Im such a happy camper arent I? Been thinking wayyyy tooo much Sorry bout that!
LOVES
*~IAN~*
Anywho no not really cos I'm gunna keep going on about this heh...I try to do so much fer so many people and it wears me thin, I often forget about myself and what I need. I hide from what I feel often and yet it always shows through. I can't hide from other people the people who care about me but I can't let myself b eknown either. Why you may ask? Because they don't have th eright credentials to know what I have to say to or to hear what I have to speak (yes I i know those mean the same) Life doesn't get any easier when I believe something and everyone and I mean everyone around me tells me im wrong and i cant truly feel that way, but see I can and I DO I do becasue well I do, its in my heart and my head adn my soul I believe the feeling and I trust it. Not to mention thinking about i tis pretty much all that makes me happy (ya know the giddy happy thats rare) I miss life...I miss it all...I try so hard to get it back or to change what I have now to incorporate things of old cos I need them but nooooo! Not allowed I cant have what would make life right, and that is unfair. When despair and terror take up a lot of your time you realize how futile fighting back is...I used to fight day and night endlessly, all because of the light, I saw the light in the distance and i wanted so bad to reach it. Right now I can't even stand myself sometimesI push too hard and try more than a normal person, I shove mroe than my fair share and take more than im granted. Im a desease a plague upon or green and blue cool mother earth, disguised as a helpful friendly cureI really cause death and destruction and all thigns negative in my path. :P Ahhhh Im such a happy camper arent I? Been thinking wayyyy tooo much Sorry bout that!
LOVES
*~IAN~*