Why is this prevalent among all of the servants? Ah, well, except Tanaka. Tanaka is fine as he is.
To The Most Auspicious England:
Please forgive my lack of communication with you. As you may not understand1, I was very busy. I am not one to make excuses for myself nor my failings -- however, I would like to provide you a reason for my sudden uncalled for silence during a time which I feel we could have resolved many of our misunderstandings.
One of my servants here in Desai, whom you may not2 know by the name of Wolfwood, expressed a desire to learn proper speech. As a servant of the Earl Phantomhive here and in Our England, I could not allow this to go unaddressed.
Unfortunately, my efforts were in vain. He appears to have very large problems in many areas. In order to be sure you understand3 how difficult this has been, I will name some of them: tact; thinking before he speaks; the inability to understand homophones; inability to understand what a synonym is4; and I suspect he would not have been able to pronounce "onomatopœia" even with a direct threat to his life5.
It seems his ability to speak properly does not exist6. I am deeply sorry about this waste of time.
Now, if you have any questions for me, I will answer them all honestly.
Anticipating your response as always,
Sebastian Michaelis
Loyal Servant of Phantomhive
1 I do not expect you to understand the problems of someone such as myself, as it has been quite some time since you have acknowledged that you also possess a painfully common touch.
2 Your memory for things you do not wish to regard is very short.
3 I use this word very loosely.
4 Really! Even I cannot understand how he messed this up every single time! In one case, I had just said it -- and he was still unable to recall what the word was!
5 After all, an indirect one did not work...
6 In any reality, alternate or parallel, it does not exist. Even if you choose to think into it too deeply and explore the theory of quantum immortality -- where myriad parallel realities exist and the moment you are killed in your present your consciousness drifts to an alternate outcome; you exist there as if you had never died -- there are no choices anywhere he could have made along his convoluted life path that would have given him a proper understanding of how to use language. I am sure of it. I will give my eternal respect to Lady Desai if She is able to provide me with a Wolfwood who properly comprehends words yet retains the rest of his personality traits. A full brain transplant will not do.
I expect all the cats have a better understanding of vocabulary than he does.
Please forgive my lack of communication with you. As you may not understand1, I was very busy. I am not one to make excuses for myself nor my failings -- however, I would like to provide you a reason for my sudden uncalled for silence during a time which I feel we could have resolved many of our misunderstandings.
One of my servants here in Desai, whom you may not2 know by the name of Wolfwood, expressed a desire to learn proper speech. As a servant of the Earl Phantomhive here and in Our England, I could not allow this to go unaddressed.
Unfortunately, my efforts were in vain. He appears to have very large problems in many areas. In order to be sure you understand3 how difficult this has been, I will name some of them: tact; thinking before he speaks; the inability to understand homophones; inability to understand what a synonym is4; and I suspect he would not have been able to pronounce "onomatopœia" even with a direct threat to his life5.
It seems his ability to speak properly does not exist6. I am deeply sorry about this waste of time.
Now, if you have any questions for me, I will answer them all honestly.
Anticipating your response as always,
Sebastian Michaelis
Loyal Servant of Phantomhive
1 I do not expect you to understand the problems of someone such as myself, as it has been quite some time since you have acknowledged that you also possess a painfully common touch.
2 Your memory for things you do not wish to regard is very short.
3 I use this word very loosely.
4 Really! Even I cannot understand how he messed this up every single time! In one case, I had just said it -- and he was still unable to recall what the word was!
5 After all, an indirect one did not work...
6 In any reality, alternate or parallel, it does not exist. Even if you choose to think into it too deeply and explore the theory of quantum immortality -- where myriad parallel realities exist and the moment you are killed in your present your consciousness drifts to an alternate outcome; you exist there as if you had never died -- there are no choices anywhere he could have made along his convoluted life path that would have given him a proper understanding of how to use language. I am sure of it. I will give my eternal respect to Lady Desai if She is able to provide me with a Wolfwood who properly comprehends words yet retains the rest of his personality traits. A full brain transplant will not do.
I expect all the cats have a better understanding of vocabulary than he does.