An Open Letter To All Students:
I will keep this as brief as I am able, as I understand many students attending this school are as talented in art and anatomy as they are at reading and comprehending the written word.
I would like to extend my thanks to those of you who heeded the notice posted on the second-floor regarding the recent problem with smoking in the second-floor bathroom. I would also like to congratulate a very small minority of the school population -- so minor I suppose you could consider it a minority of the minority. I was very impressed: I did not expect anyone to pay attention to the notice on the second-floor at all. Given my low expectations, I am sure you can imagine my pleasant surprise at learning this activity had been moved to the first-floor bathroom.
While the rest of the faculty is choosing to consider this an act of purposeful rebellion, I feel I cannot accept an explanation so simply stupid from humans who are supposed to have developed beyond the period of mental disability known as "being younger than thirteen." I have chosen to credit it as an act of extraordinary creativity and innovative thinking. Instead of disregarding the notice as if none of you have eyes, you were able to cleverly come to the conclusion that this act would be tolerated in the first-floor bathroom because the notice was not present in that spot.
Thank you very much. I am grateful for all of you and all that you teach me, but I would like to personally remind everyone that smoking in the first-floor bathroom is also not acceptable. You are all very young and must enjoy experimenting with many different things, but I want to stress that concerns about smoking are very valid and real.
The following is an extra-credit assignment so you can put your very, very terribly creative thinking skills to good use. I hope the consequences of this assignment do not shock or upset any of you.
Please write one-hundred or more words about one or two of the following scenarios:1.) Imagine you are your fellow student Nicholas Wolfwood, who has a penchant for being a good target despite never attending class. How could cigarettes be the gateway to making your life worse if you were him? Would you be spending money endlessly on cigarettes only to have them be stolen from you or would you degenerate into living in a back alley, so starved for the taste of nicotine that you begin picking cigarettes from the ground no matter what the length and no matter whose lips they touch?
2.) Imagine you have been bitten by a dog that was infected by rabies and your name is Tetora Nishizono. What would happen if you became part of the drug culture and the sort of person that no one aside from your mother could possibly love outside of their own insane LSD-induced hallucinations where you were most likely not a human at all, but a technicolour potted plant?
3.) Imagine you are Tseng and no one cares for you enough to give you a last name or even remember it should you have one. Please pick any life-ruining device of your choice and incorporate it in a believable way.
I suppose that is enough said.Extra Extra Credit: Imagine you are inside the mind of the Cheshire Cat.
I understand that your grades have already been decided. However, I will consider amending grades for students who complete this assignment.
I will amend grades for students who can make me feel as if they truly understand what must go on inside the mind of the Cheshire Cat.
Please do your best. Good luck.
For-ever And Always Dedicated To Your Education,
Sebastian Michaelis,CPA®, JD, MBA, Ph.D.
Notary Public
I would like to extend my thanks to those of you who heeded the notice posted on the second-floor regarding the recent problem with smoking in the second-floor bathroom. I would also like to congratulate a very small minority of the school population -- so minor I suppose you could consider it a minority of the minority. I was very impressed: I did not expect anyone to pay attention to the notice on the second-floor at all. Given my low expectations, I am sure you can imagine my pleasant surprise at learning this activity had been moved to the first-floor bathroom.
While the rest of the faculty is choosing to consider this an act of purposeful rebellion, I feel I cannot accept an explanation so simply stupid from humans who are supposed to have developed beyond the period of mental disability known as "being younger than thirteen." I have chosen to credit it as an act of extraordinary creativity and innovative thinking. Instead of disregarding the notice as if none of you have eyes, you were able to cleverly come to the conclusion that this act would be tolerated in the first-floor bathroom because the notice was not present in that spot.
Thank you very much. I am grateful for all of you and all that you teach me, but I would like to personally remind everyone that smoking in the first-floor bathroom is also not acceptable. You are all very young and must enjoy experimenting with many different things, but I want to stress that concerns about smoking are very valid and real.
The following is an extra-credit assignment so you can put your very, very terribly creative thinking skills to good use. I hope the consequences of this assignment do not shock or upset any of you.
Please write one-hundred or more words about one or two of the following scenarios:1.) Imagine you are your fellow student Nicholas Wolfwood, who has a penchant for being a good target despite never attending class. How could cigarettes be the gateway to making your life worse if you were him? Would you be spending money endlessly on cigarettes only to have them be stolen from you or would you degenerate into living in a back alley, so starved for the taste of nicotine that you begin picking cigarettes from the ground no matter what the length and no matter whose lips they touch?
2.) Imagine you have been bitten by a dog that was infected by rabies and your name is Tetora Nishizono. What would happen if you became part of the drug culture and the sort of person that no one aside from your mother could possibly love outside of their own insane LSD-induced hallucinations where you were most likely not a human at all, but a technicolour potted plant?
3.) Imagine you are Tseng and no one cares for you enough to give you a last name or even remember it should you have one. Please pick any life-ruining device of your choice and incorporate it in a believable way.
I suppose that is enough said.Extra Extra Credit: Imagine you are inside the mind of the Cheshire Cat.
I understand that your grades have already been decided. However, I will consider amending grades for students who complete this assignment.
I will amend grades for students who can make me feel as if they truly understand what must go on inside the mind of the Cheshire Cat.
Please do your best. Good luck.
For-ever And Always Dedicated To Your Education,
Sebastian Michaelis,CPA®, JD, MBA, Ph.D.
Notary Public