Talk like a pirate
Every year I (dis)grace TLAPD with a bit of nonsense and this year is no exception. Usual suspects (whom I don't own - shame that), usual drivel.
"If I were a privateer I'd run my ship to His Majesty's Navy rules."
"What's brought on these notions?" Horatio rolled his eyes. "And they'd never be so daft as to trust you with a letter of marque."
"Thank you, as ever, for your confidence." Archie stood up and produced a sweeping bow. “And to answer your question, rather than your insult, I was thinking about that corvette we ran across yesterday. Bedlam would have been better organised than she was.”
“I’ll not argue with that.” Horatio sniffed. “I can’t help feeling uneasy about them, despite the official sanction. Nothing more than pirates, by another name.”
“Mine wouldn’t be. I’d have you as first officer, for a start, so we’d outstrip a first rater for our standards of gunnery and cleanliness.” Archie was warming to his subject, illustrating all his points by gesticulating with a, by now, sorry looking piece of hard tack. “We’d have to introduce a degree of sloppiness, though, or nobody would believe we were privateering.”
“I know I never learn where you’re concerned, but I have to ask the question.” Horatio rolled his eyes again, in a remarkably pirate fashion. “What would this sloppiness consist of?”
“How we talked. None of your ‘Mainsail haul, there’s a good chap’ and ‘Run her out if you’d be so kind’. It would all be ‘Aul that there mainsail, ye swab’ and ‘sponge and load em right quick or ye’ll feel the end of my lash’.” Archie grinned.
“I can hardly wait.” Horatio contemplated his own piece of hard tack, but he’d lost both his appetite and half his will to live.
“You’ll love it.” Archie lowered his voice. “Especially in my cabin.”
“Yes?” Horatio rediscovered part of his interest in life with the magic words “my” and “cabin”.
“I’ve been practicing. ‘Do be letting me have my wicked way with ‘ee’.” Archie produced a particularly lascivious accent, then sat back, sighing. “Shame it’ll never happen.”
Horatio grinned. “Don’t be so sure of that. We’ve got leave coming up, remember.”
Archie sat bolt upright again. “Oh yes. A couple of days in Dover. Get a lot of trouble with pirates, in Dover.”
“So I’ve heard.” Horatio leaned forwards, whispering. “Especially in their double beds.”
“Will I be needing a letter of marquee?” Archie grinned.
“You’ll not be a-needing anything, ye swab. Not even yer clothes.”
"If I were a privateer I'd run my ship to His Majesty's Navy rules."
"What's brought on these notions?" Horatio rolled his eyes. "And they'd never be so daft as to trust you with a letter of marque."
"Thank you, as ever, for your confidence." Archie stood up and produced a sweeping bow. “And to answer your question, rather than your insult, I was thinking about that corvette we ran across yesterday. Bedlam would have been better organised than she was.”
“I’ll not argue with that.” Horatio sniffed. “I can’t help feeling uneasy about them, despite the official sanction. Nothing more than pirates, by another name.”
“Mine wouldn’t be. I’d have you as first officer, for a start, so we’d outstrip a first rater for our standards of gunnery and cleanliness.” Archie was warming to his subject, illustrating all his points by gesticulating with a, by now, sorry looking piece of hard tack. “We’d have to introduce a degree of sloppiness, though, or nobody would believe we were privateering.”
“I know I never learn where you’re concerned, but I have to ask the question.” Horatio rolled his eyes again, in a remarkably pirate fashion. “What would this sloppiness consist of?”
“How we talked. None of your ‘Mainsail haul, there’s a good chap’ and ‘Run her out if you’d be so kind’. It would all be ‘Aul that there mainsail, ye swab’ and ‘sponge and load em right quick or ye’ll feel the end of my lash’.” Archie grinned.
“I can hardly wait.” Horatio contemplated his own piece of hard tack, but he’d lost both his appetite and half his will to live.
“You’ll love it.” Archie lowered his voice. “Especially in my cabin.”
“Yes?” Horatio rediscovered part of his interest in life with the magic words “my” and “cabin”.
“I’ve been practicing. ‘Do be letting me have my wicked way with ‘ee’.” Archie produced a particularly lascivious accent, then sat back, sighing. “Shame it’ll never happen.”
Horatio grinned. “Don’t be so sure of that. We’ve got leave coming up, remember.”
Archie sat bolt upright again. “Oh yes. A couple of days in Dover. Get a lot of trouble with pirates, in Dover.”
“So I’ve heard.” Horatio leaned forwards, whispering. “Especially in their double beds.”
“Will I be needing a letter of marquee?” Archie grinned.
“You’ll not be a-needing anything, ye swab. Not even yer clothes.”