Freakout
Over the past week I've moved back to my hometown, visited friends, ran errands, tried to clean my room to make it liveable, and tried to organize a garage sale. I feel like a total fuck up. I keep doing things, and sucking down my feelings, but I miss my school! I miss feeling like I actually have a purpose in this life. I feel like such a fuck up that I can never be okay, never be better. I can't hold it together anymore. I don't want to die, I just want everything to be okay but I don't know how to make that happen. I don't want the following to happen:
I don't want to die without being a mother, without having a child, without being in love again, without being a full time teacher, without losing weight, without having travelled some more, without being the person I want to be.
Why is it all so impossible and how do other people do it?
I don't want to die without being a mother, without having a child, without being in love again, without being a full time teacher, without losing weight, without having travelled some more, without being the person I want to be.
Why is it all so impossible and how do other people do it?