trying to conceal, dying to reveal
It’s no surprise that the new student would fall head over heels for the most beautiful girl in the school. More specifically, fall head over heels for Jessica Jung.
Everything about her is perfect. (Although there are rumors flying around occasionally about whether or not she did plastic surgery for her chin, because people have compared it with her past photos, and there was a lot of speculation for a while, and sometimes it comes up now and then, but she doesn’t care.)
She and her little exclusive group of friends are called the Gossip Girls. The Korean-American hometown childhood friend Tiffany Hwang, the alluring and mysterious Kwon Yuri, and the quirky, fun-loving Im Yoona. Of course, being the head of the group, Jessica is the queen bee of the school.
Now she really isn’t like what everyone thinks she is. No, she doesn’t have bodyguards that make sure people don’t come too close. No, she doesn’t have a chauffer to take her home. No, she isn’t obsessed with makeup and fashion.
People who know her better will tell you that Jessica Jung is an Ice Princess, but only on the exterior. Inside, she’s the most down to earth person you’ll ever meet. She’s just your typical girl-next-door, with her own pimples to pop, homework to do. Well, that and the unbelievably goddess-like beauty that she possesses. (Everyone tells her that but she never likes to believe it.)
Lunchtime is busy as usual, and Jessica makes her way across the room with people making way for her and gasping at her beauty - as usual - while she just smiles at her friends, who wave wildly and gesture for her to quickly come over.
“What’s with the huge hand gestures?” asks Jessica, as she picks up her tuna sandwich and bites into it, looking at Tiffany from under her eyelashes.
“The new boy’s totally into you,” Yuri states matter-of-factly, rolling her eyes.
Jessica laughs. “That’s it, Tiff? Seriously? I thought it was some matter of life of death, like, I don’t know, Yoona fainted again or something.”
“Hey! What are you implying, Jessie? Again? I don’t faint that often, you know,” Yoona pipes up from the side, settling into her seat and digging into her salad while picking out pieces of carrot.
Yuri shakes her head, and helps Yoona while saying, “Maybe not, but you do swoon often. Especially over those hotshots. Let’s see… Ok Taecyeon, Choi Siwon, Kim Heechul-”
“Shut up!” Yoona whines, punching her best friend in the shoulder playfully.
Jessica laughs. “Heechul? Really? He’s a sissy. So is Key. God. Both of them fucking giggled when Taeyeon mentioned to Sooyoung a little too loudly that she was on her period. Giggled!”
“Language, Jess,” Tiffany scolds, sipping her juice while looking at the twin troopers (a nickname for Yoona and Yuri, who lots of people mix up easily because they look so alike) tease each other. “Mind your language. Stop using the f word so often.”
“Whatever, Tiff.”
Tiffany just waves a hand dismally, and proceeds to fix her skirt, but not before she spots Yesung gazing at Jessica again. She raises an eyebrow at the completely-oblivious Ice Princess. Tiffany recognizes that gaze. It’s the kind of gaze that you give to your soulmate, the kind that penetrates right through you.
“Jess, he’s staring. I think he likes you a lot,” Tiffany whispers, and Jessica looks up nonchalantly. She looks back at him, and surprisingly, he doesn’t look away.
Now, this isn’t normal because most guys would be intimidated by her. She gives off a very cold aura, and when she wants to scare you, her eyes can give you the chills. And yet, Yesung - the new guy, she thinks that’s his name, but she hasn’t checked the records yet, so she has no idea if that’s right - doesn’t look away.
“Hmm,” Jessica muses.
“Don’t fall for him. He’s the wrong person. He’s a singer. Useless, I tell you,” Tiffany advises gravely.
Jessica just nods, and throughout the rest of the day, Yesung is not mentioned again.
-
Jessica begins to realize that she has every single class with Yesung. Every single one. And because she sits alone in most of her classes, Yesung becomes her seat partner. Every single class. She also begins to realize something else, which hits her like a huge fat truck. (It hurts.)
She’s falling for Yesung. She hates to admit this. But because of the way Yesung is so kind and patient with her, and the way he just looks at her like she’s a statue on display in an art gallery in the middle of Paris - not like all those other boys who just ogle - Jessica cannot help but reciprocate those feelings.
Everything is a blur. Tiffany clearly told her that he’s the wrong one, but if she knows one thing, it’s that her mind and her heart are telling her two different things. The former says that Yesung is not worth it - her first heartbreak, that is, because Tiffany thinks all first relationships never work out, and Tiffany’s almost always right - and the latter says that Yesung is definitely worth it, because he’ll treasure her like she’s the only girl in the world.
And yet she can’t seem to clear this up. She finds herself helpless in the situation, deemed a weak maiden, shrinking into a dazed and confused girl she once was. Jessica is not herself, and Yoona notices.
“You like him, don’t you?” asks Yoona one day as she passes Jessica in the hallway.
The blonde gasps loudly and pulls the taller one to the side, her hands tightly grasping her wrists. “You can’t go around saying such things! Everyone will know!” The only reason why she doesn’t protest against it is because Yoona’s always the observer, and she never gets these kind of things wrong. She says she has ‘intuition’.
“I knew it. God, Jessica. All these years. Who would expect your first crush to be Kim Jongwoon? He isn’t even that hot, seriously. I don’t get what you see in him.”
Jessica sighs, shaking her head. “I don’t know either. I’m so confused. I mean, I don’t want to ruin our image and all by dating him… And you know how much Tiffany values our ‘status’.”
Yoona pats her friend’s back, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “Do what you think you heart tells you. Frankly, you don’t have to give a damn to others’ opinions. Just be careful though. You’re balancing a first love and a childhood friend here. Then again… Tiffany cares too much about social status.”
Jessica frowns, while Yoona just shrugs and says she has to go to class, leaving the former slumping against the lockers. The bell goes but she doesn’t move a muscle.
Fucking headache, she whines in her head, pressing her fingers to her temple and deciding that she’ll skip class for today. What the hell are you doing to me, Kim Jongwoon?
“Need to pop some pills?”
That voice. Jessica looks up, and right there before her, flesh and blood and all, is Yesung. Speak of the devil. She shakes her head and pushes past him, walking down the hallway aimlessly. I don’t need to deal with this right now.
“Hey, where are you going? We have a lecture-”
“Tell Mr. Park I’m sick.”
She surprises herself with her self-control. After all the distress that he’s caused, Jessica didn’t expect herself to be able to handle that so easily.
But of course, Yesung just has to follow behind her, his arms folded and a casual smirk on his face. “Ditching, I see. So Little Miss Perfect isn’t that perfect after all.”
Jessica stops short. It’s the first time he’s sounded like such a jerk. All the previous times, he’s been extremely nice. But now his ‘velvety, charming’ words just remind her of a whole load of bull. She pivots on her heel and glares at him.
“You don’t know anything about me. Don’t assume.”
“Oh contraire, milady. I know a lot about you. More than you think I do.” Yesung answers huskily, taking confident steps towards the petite blonde.
“Oh really,” she rolls her eyes, her words dripping with venom-filled sarcasm.
“Yes. I know that your best friends are Tiffany, Yoona and Yuri. I know that you’re part American and come from California. I know that your parents are divorced. I know that you have no idea who - or what - Yoda is. I know that you love photography. I know that you hate cucumbers-”
“So you stalk me. That isn’t supposed to prove anything.”
Yesung laughs darkly, and this scares her a little, sending a chill running up her spine. He looms over her, his hands on either side of her head, pressing her against the lockers. You bastard, she thinks, taking a sudden and instant disliking to Kim Jongwoon.
“I like to call it profiling. Stalking is a little too creepy.”
“You’re creepy. Now let me go, please, if you have nothing else to say.” Jessica creases her brows together, standing up straighter and fixing the hem of her shirt as righteously-looking as she can.
She’s about to duck under his arms until she hears him exhale a long, slow sigh. Then she looks up at him, peering at his expression. He looks disturbed, distressed and disconnected to the world, somehow.
“Now you’re confusing me. What’s wrong?”
Yesung drops his arms to his sides, and suddenly he doesn’t look so creepy (or tall) anymore. In fact, he may as well be a five-year-old whiny kid who wants ice-cream but his mom won’t let him have any. Jessica taps his shoulder lightly in a concerned manner.
“Huh? Oh. Sorry,” Yesung mutters quietly, looking at his feet.
Jessica hesitates a little, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, then whispers, “Hey, I might not know much… but since we’re both already ditching class, I guess you can tell me what’s wrong.”
“Look, Jessica… I’m sorry. I might have scared you and all. Came off a little creepy, huh? I guess I just got caught up in the moment… And… well it might sound crazy, after all… that… I like you. I like you, Jessica.”
She already knows this, at the bottom of her heart. Of course, Tiffany’s constant nagging has kind of gotten the fact that the new guy (not so new anymore, but they still call him that) likes her. Like, really, really likes her. And yet she is still surprised.
There are butterflies. Fluttering in her stomach. Her headache is gone, replaced with all those happy, giggly feelings. Before she knows it, Jessica breaks into a smile. A wide one, as much as she knows how dangerous this is, for him and her to be seen. Ten minutes before the bell and if a class is released early, they’ll be spotted. And news travels fast; especially juicy gossip.
“We only have another period to go before school ends. Wanna ditch that too?” asks Yesung cheekily, a grin crossing his face. She nods many times, unable to say anything. (Because with an offer like that, and a grin so wide and adorable, how can anyone say anything against it?)
-
“I swear you are the weirdest person alive. Only you would come to a restricted field like this.”
“But it’s pretty, isn’t it?”
“… Yeah.”
Yesung laughs. He’s happy. Relieved, even. Probably because the whole awkward confession thing’s over. It was silly, but Jessica liked it. He didn’t even have to ask if she liked him back. That affirmation to ditch the last period already served as an answer - a big fat yes.
“Your friends don’t seem to like me all that much, hmm?” asks Yesung, as he slips his hand into hers, intertwining their fingers.
Jessica blushes, her face turning hot. “I don’t know. We’re not supposed to be together. Social status and all. Tiffany wants to keep us up. And she pretty much forbids me to date people like… well, to put it like how she does, ‘people like that creepy Kim Jongwoon’.”
Yesung nods slowly, pulling her deeper into the forested ground, before they reach a huge willow tree. She looks up, almost falling backwards as she tries to make her eyes meet with the top of the tree. He slides his arm around her waist at the right moment, which only makes her blush more.
“Come on,” he whispers lowly into her ear, and tugs on her hand.
Jessica walks towards the willow tree with him, and they settle on the ground under the shade. The wind blows, caressing her cheek and messing with her hair. She groans, and attempts to fix her hair. He sees her irritation and immediately switches seats with her, his body sort of blocking the wind from blowing at her.
She pulls her knees to her chest, and rests her head on the kneecap. “Tiffany’s the only one though. I mean, none of the rest really disapprove or anything. She cares too much about popularity.” Jessica sighs, then adds, “She’s changed so much.”
“You haven’t, I’m guessing.”
“No, actually. I have. Everyone changes. Things change. All the time, every moment, every second. We all change somehow. I grew up with her. Tiffany, that is. She thinks I’ve become too open. All I did was open my heart and mind out so people don’t judge me so much.”
“Well, it’s not working. Everyone judges you. In a good way though.”
“Don’t lie, I know some are scared of me.”
Yesung shakes his head, tucking a strand of her blonde locks behind her ear, “That’s only because you’re so goddess-like. You have a beauty that cannot compare with anyone else. It’s enchanting.”
“I hardly call myself enchanting. You flatter me too much,” Jessica complains.
“I speak but the truth.”
Jessica laughs outright at his serious face, because his expressions can be very amusing sometimes. She’s only spent a few hours with him, but she feels like it’s been years. Does this count as a first date? For once she can actually be herself, because Yesung appreciates her imperfections. (“Nobody’s perfect. There’s no reason why I should like you any less if you aren’t. In fact, I like you because you’re not perfect,” he said.)
“Oh, stop laughing.” Yesung mumbles, but he ends up laughing a little inside anyway, which only makes her explode in a fit of giggles, leaving her gasping for air.
When she finally stops panting, she takes a deep breath and says, “You know, I feel like we’re reenacting Twilight. You’re Edward and I’m Bella. And hmm. Tiffany’s… Rosalie. If Rosalie was Bella’s best friend.”
Yesung rolls his eyes. “Is that the best you can come up with? Twilight? I hate that. I’d rather we write our own story. Twilight’s too tragic for my liking. Some parts anyway. I’d rather… we write our own little fairytale. What do you think?”
His eyes sparkle, glinting with excitement as he leans over. This time, it’s no longer creepy and unpleasant.
“I think,” she whispers as his lips brush against hers, “that’s absolutely fine.”
-
“Where the hell were you yesterday?” Tiffany asks, her hands on her hips as Jessica strolls into school. “You never ditch!”
“Chill, Tiff. I just had a headache and went home.”
Yuri nods. “But there are rumors flying around that you were with Yesung! Apparently he wasn’t in class too!”
Jessica almost laughs. People can be so naïve sometimes, she thinks, but refrains and replies as innocently as she can, “Oh really? What do you know, maybe he ditched school just because I wasn’t there.”
“Haha Jess. Haha.” Yuri shakes her head and laughs, nudging her shoulder slightly.
Tiffany narrows her eyes and looks at Jessica disapprovingly, then turning and storming off in a huff, as if to say, ‘You think this is funny? It’s not.’ Yuri glances at the back of the brunette, her stomach a bundle of nerves. She hates seeing Tiffany mad. Well, actually, she hates seeing anyone mad, but when it’s Tiffany, it’s the worst. Fights are never pretty when she’s around.
“Help me with her, will you? I can’t miss class today morning,” she whispers, pleading with her eyes.
Yuri nods, and hurries worriedly after the girl. “Be careful,” Jessica adds, loud enough for Yuri to hear and no one else. Yuri nods, and just keeps walking, attempting to catch up with Tiffany.
Jessica heaves a sigh and returns to her locker. First period is free period. Yesung will have that too. She smiles to herself, tightening her bag strap and heading into homeroom. Once there, she finds out that Yesung is already seated, and as she makes her way towards him, everyone hushes, as if waiting for something to happen with a bated breath.
But of course, because the skilled actor she is, Jessica doesn’t show any display of affection (even though every ounce in her body is trying to will her to touch him) towards Yesung. Everyone just rolls their eyes, and returns to their activities.
“Morning, love,” Yesung leans slightly and whispers.
“Morning,” she whispers back, her cheeks’ shade a pretty pink. She feels his eyes on her as she takes out her book to read. “Don’t disturb,” she adds, smiling cheekily as she starts to flip the pages for the right page.
The moment she launches into her little world of words, Yesung slips his hand under their tables and scoots over a little bit more. He rests his fingers on her knee, then ghosts them up her thigh. She giggles silently, slapping his hand away but his fingers are relentless.
He runs them across the waistband of her skirt, and a little way under her shirt, along the path of her toned, flat stomach. She struggles to hold back certain sounds, biting her lip as she forces herself not to get distracted. Everyone else is too busy to care.
“I missed you last night.”
Jessica’s breath hitches as he circles her abdomen, lazily tracing patterns just above her sensitive area. “Stop that, Yesung… People can see…”
Yesung pouts slightly, and pulls his hand away. Instead, he grabs hers and places their hands on his upper thigh, squeezing hers gently. “Later?” he asks, barely moving his lips.
“Later,” she confirms for him, then pulling her hand back, her eyes warily scanning the area, praying that no one noticed their little exchange at the back of the room.
Unfortunately, Yoona’s eyes are on her, then on Yesung, then on her again. Jessica catches her gaze for a while, her confused and curious eyes boring into hers. Yoona raises an eyebrow skeptically, and reaches into her bag for her phone.
What’s with you and Yesung?
Nothing.
Spill the beans, Jess. You’ve been caught red-handed by none other than the one who possesses unfailing intuition. Aka, me.
Fine. We went on a date.
Yesterday? Tiff’s gonna be sooooo mad.
Not if you shut up about it! I can’t have you going around telling everyone about me and Yesung. Just keep it down okay? Keep it to yourself. Tell no one. And I mean it, Yoong.
… Geez. Take a chill pill. I’m taking this to my grave. In fact, I’ll delete these messages now.
Thanks.
“Who’s that?” asks Yesung, leaning over slightly and peering at her phone.
“No one,” Jessica answers a little too quickly, stuffing her phone back into her pocket.
He tilts his head to the side, but decides not to pry any further. “Okay then, whatever you say.”
-
“He’s looking at you again!” Tiffany whispers.
Jessica looks across the cafeteria and meets Yesung’s watching eyes. He keeps his poker face on expertly, but she knows better than anyone else that he’ll love to smile. Pretending to roll her eyes nonchalantly, she looks back at her food, eating again.
“Don’t you think he’s creepy?” asks Tiffany, her face contorted into a very disturbed expression.
Jessica smiles wide. “Well, he may be staring at me a lot, but then again, who doesn’t?”
“You’re such an arrogant, cocky bitch sometimes, Jessie,” Yuri says, earning herself a deadly glare from the Ice Princess, to which she responds with, “You know it’s true. We all know it’s true.” And she smirks.
Jessica pouts, her lower lip jutting out cutely as she looks at Yesung for a tiny second. He cracks a smile and then returns to his poker face. Jessica’s lips curve into a smile. Yoona kicks her ankle from under the table and she tears her eyes away from him.
Jessica giggles silently, and Yoona observes the pair, glancing knowingly at Jessica. Yoona finds it cute that when Jessica has a crush, it’s so obvious, but nobody notices. Everyone’s attention is on her a lot, and yet nobody knows about their secret relationship. And being the only one who has an almost-idea of what’s going on, Yoona plans to keep them together, even at the risk of an ugly row with Tiffany.
“You’re getting obvious,” Yoona whispers, carefully avoiding Tiffany (who Yuri is currently distracting - unknowingly, of course - with the plans for the Winter Dance).
Jessica sighs. “I know, but it’s really hard to hide it!” She rubs her hands together, cringing inwardly as she thinks of the sweet things Yesung says to her on their secret dates every now and then. She wonders if this is just going to become another fling. I hope not.
“Why are you even making a big secret out of it?” asks Yoona, as she plays with her hair.
“We both have an image to loose!” Jessica mumbles, looking at Yoona. She doesn’t understand how Yoona can be so calm about all this. If Tiffany knew-
“Okay first of all, you two are weirdos. If you like each other, then go official. Tiffany’s opinion doesn’t matter. Hell, she can go be popular all she wants. If you’re happy dating Yesung, I’ll support you on it. Tiffany’s become a popularity-obsessed bitch and she doesn’t matter.”
Yoona’s tone is light and carefree, but her words carry so much meaning. Jessica doesn’t get to finish her trail of thought as she says this. She looks at her feet, fingering the button on her jeans. Then her gaze lands on Tiffany.
She doesn’t matter… does she?
-
Jessica curls up into Yesung’s frame, pressing her body close to his. It’s cold but neither of them want to get up to switch off the air-conditioner (or turn it up). The movie’s ended, and the credits are running. He places the bowl of now-empty popcorn on the table and wraps his arms around her tightly.
“You cold?” asks Yesung, his warm breath on her forehead.
She shakes her head slowly. “I’m okay,” she tells him, but really she’s freezing. It’s just she doesn’t want him to leave her. “Don’t go.”
“Want me to stay the night?” Yesung whispers, lying on the couch and pulling her close to him, her body now on top of his. He plays with a few strands of her hair with little interest as he waits for her answer.
Jessica nods, running her fingers across his chest and down his shirt. “Stay with me,” she whispers in return.
He waits for a few moments more as she continues what she’s doing, before sitting her up and draping his arms on her waist. “You know, you shouldn’t do that,” he says into her ear, his voice low and eyes huge dark orbs.
Jessica chuckles, playing along with a playful glint in her eye. “Why not?”
Yesung grins, gingerly lifting her chin and pressing his lips onto hers. Once, softly, twice, with more passion, and a third time, throwing caution into the wind. By the third kiss, Jessica hooks her knees around his waist, and tangles her fingers into his hair.
They only pull apart for air. He takes a brief moment to admire her beauty. And then he flips their position, his body hovering over hers. He smiles again, before kissing her earlobe, down a trail to her jawline, the fleshy area of her neck, her shoulder, her collarbone…
Jessica tilts her head, allowing him more access as he goes along. He looks up at her with his fingers lining the hem of her shirt, his eyes searching hers, asking for permission. She takes a deep breath, steadying herself for a few seconds.
“Just be careful,” her voice a breathless whisper.
Yesung smiles and inches his way up her body with his fingers. “I wouldn’t dare to hurt my gorgeous goddess. I promise you that I will not hurt you.”
She reaches behind to grab the remote and switch off the television, leaving them in pitch-black darkness. She grips onto him suddenly, afraid of the dark for some reason. Yesung just kisses her forehead and reassures her.
“Don’t be afraid,” he says.
Jessica sees his concerned yet sure eyes and nods. There are no more (coherent) words for the night, just mixed sounds of pleasure and occasional swear words here and there. It’s her first time, of course, but she gives herself completely to him because she knows that he truly loves her.
And that’s enough.
-
Yesung lays down next to Jessica on the bed, trying to catch his breath. Jessica rests her head on his chest, stroking his abs, losing herself in the small ministrations.
“Do you think they’ll ever know about us?” asks Jessica.
“I don’t know, baby. Maybe it’s time for us to get official.”
Yesung wraps his arms around her waist, but Jessica frees herself from his grip, settling herself on his lap and diving in to kiss him again, inhaling his musky scent. It’s the most intoxicating scent she’s ever smelt - and she loves it.
“Already ready for round two?” asks Yesung, smirking.
(He gives into her anyway, even though he’s already so tired, because who can resist a smile like Jessica’s?)
-
Time passes and a new year begins. Of course, Jessica and Yesung still go unnoticed, even though he’s becoming more and more on an edge about the fact that she’s too concerned with Tiffany to publicly announce their relationship. Yoona tries to balance everything. Oblivious Yuri just tries to keep up, even though she knows something’s up with Jessica and Yoona. They’re hiding something. Meanwhile, Tiffany remains suspicious and tends to get annoyed very easily.
“He’s like a stalker. He’s always staring at you. I wonder if he’s even following you around!” Tiffany shrieks.
Jessica rolls her eyes, sighing in an annoyed manner. They’re standing near the lockers and Yesung is quite far from them, but within ‘staring distance’ - as Tiffany puts it. He smirks, almost beckoning for her to come over.
“He’s gotten even creepier with that smirk on his face!” Tiffany practically yells.
Jessica is sure he can hear her. Enough, she thinks. Tiffany is about to say more, but Jessica ignores her and walks towards Yesung, mouthing the word now, and immediately Yesung brightens up, understanding what she means.
“Are you crazy!?” Tiffany shrieks once more, raising her hands as Jessica stands in front of him. “That’s it! I’m not friends with you anymore!”
Jessica just rolls her eyes. “Hey, beautiful,” he whispers into her ear, wrapping his arms around her waist. She smiles and leans forward, tuning out all the background noise - including Tiffany’s irritating fuming. She presses her lips onto his.
In that moment, both of them hear the gasps in the hallway. But it’s their moment after all, so Yesung just smirks and deepens the kiss, his fingers combing through her golden locks.
It’s magical. Jessica feels relieved, finally being able to let go of everything and kiss him, open up their relationship for the rest of the world to know. If the price to pay for these wonderful feelings is Tiffany, then she’ll definitely pay it. She wonders why she hasn’t seen all this earlier, that Tiffany has changed into such a person, that she’s not worth keeping. But her trail of thoughts are cut off as Yesung slips his hand into hers, squeezing her hand and proudly towing her away from the scene, as if to say she’s mine.
Yoona smiles, and Jessica smiles back gratefully. The former is proud, and Yuri tugs on her arm, begging for all the details.
“I love you,” Yesung says once they’re far, far away from the school.
Jessica tiptoes and kisses his cheek. “I love you too,” she whispers, then screaming out, “I love you, Kim Jongwoon!”
There are passers-by who stare at her curiously, some rolling their eyes, some widen their eyes incredulously, some giggling at the cute confession, some stop to smile. But all this doesn’t matter. Nobody’s opinion matters anymore.
Because love shouldn’t be a secret. It should never be.
inspired by (x)