The Misadventures of Baron Von Hoppington. Part 2 Of 3.
The Baron’s plan for revenge was far from a simple plan. It was convoluted, confusing, and, on more than one occasion in it’s mechanisms, called for the suspension of several, if not all, laws of physics. Baron Von Hoppington had planned it this way.
It was a miserable day. Again. It was always a miserable day on that godforsaken island. Today, it was raining. The British, collectively, might have considered it nice day for a picnic. Baron Von Hoppington hated the British. The small cotton tailed Prussian aristocrat lay hidden in a small hedge, surveying his prey. From inside the manor, light and laughter resonated. It was a typical, posh, life. Dinner and a party. The way life is supposed to be for the fortunate. The way life should have been for Baron Von Hoppington. He smiled. From his location, he could just barely make out two figures, joined together hastily at the mouth. This was most fortuitous. The Baron stretched his long, furry legs, shook off the rain, and hopped off to make his preparations.
Lord Reginald of York arose in his clockwork fashion. He rubbed the remaining sleep from his eyes, bellowed a thunderous, British yawn, and rose to meet the day. Little did he know, this day would change his life, in a monumental way, specifically by ending it. He stepped to his cavernous dining hall, and took his seat at the head of the table, which was mysteriously desolate. He stood. He could not shake an ominous feeling. It hung over him like alcohol over the Irish.
‘Elizabeth, my dear!” he called down the estate halls, pacing them nervously. He walked to her room, and threw open the doors. Light flooded the room, drenching the floor and walls of the empty room.
“Elizabeth isn’t here right now.” Came a small, righteous voice from behind Reginald. The British aristocrat whipped about to meet… nothing. There was no one, nothing.
“I’m down here, fool!” called a voice from down the corridor. Lord Reginald raced down the hall, his long, pockmarked legs flailing in front of him. He turned the corner into his massive library. Empty.
“Too slow!” came the haunting voice again. “If you ever wish to see your love again, you’ll have to come to the study!”
This, Reginald thought, running again, was the disadvantage of having a massive house- when a maniac kidnaps one you love, you’ll have to do a lot of legwork to find him. Lord Reginald hurtled into his study, throwing the doors open. In the middle of the the otherwise empty room was Lord Reginald’s butler, Jeeves, bound, tied, and gagged.
“Jeeves! Good God, man, what has happened here?” Reginald said softly, removing the gag from Jeeve’s mouth. Jeeve’s sighed appreciatively.
“It was horrible, master, horrible! I was set upon by…” Jeeves started. However, his mouth made an awful oblong shape, frozen in horror. His eyes grew wide, and he let out weak yelp
“Sir! Sir! It was him!” cried Jeeves, transfixed in terror, staring only at the small cotton tailed rabbit in the study doorway. Lord Reginal turned, looking at the small mammal.
“Jeeves, that’s absolute rubbish! That’s a bunny!” Said Reginald, approaching the rabbit, which showed no fear of the titan that approached it. He picked it up.
“Now you tell me, who has taken Elizabeth!” Reginald demanded.
“I have, you brazen nincompoop.” Said the small bunny in Reginalds hands.
“Holy living crap!” exclaimed the Lord, nearly dropping the bunny.
“I am Baron Von Hoppington, and I will have my revenge!”
“You’re bonkers, you are!” interjected Jeeves, who was still tied to his chair. Whether he was talking to Baron Von Hoppington or Lord Reginald of York was unspecified.
“Allright. Let’s say I believe you” said Lord Reginald to the rodent in hand, ‘What have you done with my sister?!”
“That was merely your sister? Drats. I shall have to make preparations accordingly. Would you mind unhanding me for a moment so I may plot your and her demise?” asked Baron Von Hoppington, his little brown eyes shimmering in the light.
‘Where is my sister?!” roared Lord Reginald, slamming the Baron against a wall, but keeping him firmly in hand. Being a rabbit, Baron Von Hoppington sank his teeth into Reginald’s hand, and fell to the ground.
“Ah!” cried the Lord, “Bloody bastard! Jeeves, prepare the horses and unleash the hounds! I will have my sister back by nightfall!”
“Very well, sir, but perhaps we should untie the butler first?” suggested Jeeves.
Baron Von Hoppington smiled. Everything was going as he had planned. Though he had managed to kidnap a mere family member, rather than the significant other as he had originally planned, the plan was essentially the same, and the plan was in motion.
It was a miserable day. Again. It was always a miserable day on that godforsaken island. Today, it was raining. The British, collectively, might have considered it nice day for a picnic. Baron Von Hoppington hated the British. The small cotton tailed Prussian aristocrat lay hidden in a small hedge, surveying his prey. From inside the manor, light and laughter resonated. It was a typical, posh, life. Dinner and a party. The way life is supposed to be for the fortunate. The way life should have been for Baron Von Hoppington. He smiled. From his location, he could just barely make out two figures, joined together hastily at the mouth. This was most fortuitous. The Baron stretched his long, furry legs, shook off the rain, and hopped off to make his preparations.
Lord Reginald of York arose in his clockwork fashion. He rubbed the remaining sleep from his eyes, bellowed a thunderous, British yawn, and rose to meet the day. Little did he know, this day would change his life, in a monumental way, specifically by ending it. He stepped to his cavernous dining hall, and took his seat at the head of the table, which was mysteriously desolate. He stood. He could not shake an ominous feeling. It hung over him like alcohol over the Irish.
‘Elizabeth, my dear!” he called down the estate halls, pacing them nervously. He walked to her room, and threw open the doors. Light flooded the room, drenching the floor and walls of the empty room.
“Elizabeth isn’t here right now.” Came a small, righteous voice from behind Reginald. The British aristocrat whipped about to meet… nothing. There was no one, nothing.
“I’m down here, fool!” called a voice from down the corridor. Lord Reginald raced down the hall, his long, pockmarked legs flailing in front of him. He turned the corner into his massive library. Empty.
“Too slow!” came the haunting voice again. “If you ever wish to see your love again, you’ll have to come to the study!”
This, Reginald thought, running again, was the disadvantage of having a massive house- when a maniac kidnaps one you love, you’ll have to do a lot of legwork to find him. Lord Reginald hurtled into his study, throwing the doors open. In the middle of the the otherwise empty room was Lord Reginald’s butler, Jeeves, bound, tied, and gagged.
“Jeeves! Good God, man, what has happened here?” Reginald said softly, removing the gag from Jeeve’s mouth. Jeeve’s sighed appreciatively.
“It was horrible, master, horrible! I was set upon by…” Jeeves started. However, his mouth made an awful oblong shape, frozen in horror. His eyes grew wide, and he let out weak yelp
“Sir! Sir! It was him!” cried Jeeves, transfixed in terror, staring only at the small cotton tailed rabbit in the study doorway. Lord Reginal turned, looking at the small mammal.
“Jeeves, that’s absolute rubbish! That’s a bunny!” Said Reginald, approaching the rabbit, which showed no fear of the titan that approached it. He picked it up.
“Now you tell me, who has taken Elizabeth!” Reginald demanded.
“I have, you brazen nincompoop.” Said the small bunny in Reginalds hands.
“Holy living crap!” exclaimed the Lord, nearly dropping the bunny.
“I am Baron Von Hoppington, and I will have my revenge!”
“You’re bonkers, you are!” interjected Jeeves, who was still tied to his chair. Whether he was talking to Baron Von Hoppington or Lord Reginald of York was unspecified.
“Allright. Let’s say I believe you” said Lord Reginald to the rodent in hand, ‘What have you done with my sister?!”
“That was merely your sister? Drats. I shall have to make preparations accordingly. Would you mind unhanding me for a moment so I may plot your and her demise?” asked Baron Von Hoppington, his little brown eyes shimmering in the light.
‘Where is my sister?!” roared Lord Reginald, slamming the Baron against a wall, but keeping him firmly in hand. Being a rabbit, Baron Von Hoppington sank his teeth into Reginald’s hand, and fell to the ground.
“Ah!” cried the Lord, “Bloody bastard! Jeeves, prepare the horses and unleash the hounds! I will have my sister back by nightfall!”
“Very well, sir, but perhaps we should untie the butler first?” suggested Jeeves.
Baron Von Hoppington smiled. Everything was going as he had planned. Though he had managed to kidnap a mere family member, rather than the significant other as he had originally planned, the plan was essentially the same, and the plan was in motion.