I never started life with a checklist...

[mylifeofcrime]

Allright, so looking around, I see that birds are everywhere, fat girls are wearing shorts, and ugly people everywhere are hooking up.

Here's to summer, all.

Now, most of you all know that I'm going to be gone for a bit this summer, specifically for about a week, starting today. I know that your lives will probably stop without me around, but I want you guys to have a good time without me. But not too much fun. So I've left you a list of fun things to accomplish while I'm away. Here goes:

- Climb a tree
-Find the Holy Grail
- Kick a seal in the face
- Cartwheels (at least two)
- Raise a fat girls hopes by talking to her
- Run away from afforementioned fat girl (It'll be easy. She's fat. They move slow.)
- Learn how to play fucking croquet, you fucking uncultured motherfuckers.
- Cartwheels (MORE.)
- Slurpee runs. Once a week. Avoid Darth Dew, its shit. Not like "The Shit", which is good. But like literal shit. Which comes from an anus.
- Write me a letter (2220 Cape Pine Way 80919). When I return, I want at least forty fucking letters to read. It'll make me feel so goddamn cool.
- Realize that it is FUCKING SUMMER.

I'm out, y'all.