i'll never know if i go to sleep.
some of the bulbs never opened quite fully but i'm too impatient to wait so i turn my head away and wait for summer which comes slowly but still after spring which is next in line after seasonal depression disorder. the grey doesnt make me any sadder than i would be otherwise in fact i can finally rejoice that the whole world is feeling as melancholy as i do today when i walk and the pads on my feet feel like they are being pushed clear to the heavy awning thats pushing down on my head. i can see no sky except the florescent ceiling and my mother telling me that i've failed her.
i shouldn't be alone in any room much less this room that reminds of you. but if its real life or a memory, i choose my own imagination because its more forgiving and blends nicely with dreams which are more merciful than any flesh wound. i'll shower off the scent and drink enough so you'll have to remind me of my life when i wake up. i'll look at the address of the sender on all the letters i've written but never sent and i'll know my name and who i belong to. and if you're not concrete enough to have changed my handwriting, then i won't be able to re-place you in time.
i'm not sad but my boots are heavy with rainwater and war.
forgive and let die.
i shouldn't be alone in any room much less this room that reminds of you. but if its real life or a memory, i choose my own imagination because its more forgiving and blends nicely with dreams which are more merciful than any flesh wound. i'll shower off the scent and drink enough so you'll have to remind me of my life when i wake up. i'll look at the address of the sender on all the letters i've written but never sent and i'll know my name and who i belong to. and if you're not concrete enough to have changed my handwriting, then i won't be able to re-place you in time.
i'm not sad but my boots are heavy with rainwater and war.
forgive and let die.