According to LJ, it's been 9 weeks since my last entry
I don't really have anything good to say today. I need to start writing again (yeah, yeah) and get some of this crap out. Please know that this is total crap, and in no way reflects anything. Just junk that needs to get out of me and this is the most convenient forum (that Anna can't read).
Today has sucked. I was awake for way too long, but for good reason, and now I am paying for it. I went to bed at 9 last night (I had been up since 2 pm Thursday) but found I was too tired to sleep. Now how's THAT for evil irony. Today I feel hung over and generally crrappy. My day, however, has been much better than others. First I find out through FB that one of Annas coaches (CC) just lost her dad. She finished her student teaching ONE day before he went in the hospital and a week or so later, died. I feel so bad for her. I have no words of wisdom, because I cannot even fathom. Even though I don't get along with my dad all the time, I can't imagine having lost him at such an early age. Sadness. Then, a very dear friend called to lament that her brother attempted to commit suicide last night. She has lost BOTH of her parents already, and he is the only direct relative. It is horrible. I tried to be supportive, but it is hard to tell her that she is going to be portayed as the bitch. When dealing with someone who is mentally ill enough to attempt suicide, you have to try and distance yourself, because you are going to get the backlash. At least, that is how its been with my brother. But he is not my only relative. She is lovely and tenderhearted and wonderful, and is going through tons of crap. And why, exactly, and I upset about my life? Urgh. I want to shake him, and I have never met him. He just needs to straighten up and be 1/2 the man that she is woman. It is not everyone else's fault. Deal with it. And have your depression treated. Heredity sucks, but we all got hit with the short stick somewhere. Recognize it. Why do men have more difficulty with this than women. In general of course, but women seem to be much more intuitive about what is going on with themselves. Anyway, off my soapbox. It just brings up a lot of feelings for me. My brother is sitting in his house...that my mom bought for him to live in....with a "back injury" from playing softball. SINCE AUGUST! Get off your ass and get a job. My mom has a solution...she is talking to him about helping him start his own business. WTF? McDonalds and WalMart are always hiring. Suck it up and get a job. Pay a bill. Be a worthwhile human being and stop leaching off our mom. She deserves better. Her tensions regarding him have greatly effected our relationship. Which pisses me off in a whole other way. And, I, the nurse, should tell him how to take care of his back. Whatever. My dad wants him to go on disability and have his back "fixed". Ummmm, disability is for people that can't have something "fixed". Maybe putting an addict on pain medicine won't work as well as he thinks. Get his back checked and see what is wrong? Definately. Hide in the sand because maybe nothing is wrong but muscle spasms and malnutrition....probably. Over it.
Dave is an ass. Nothing else to say.
I am going through a period of wondering if I have majorly screwed up myself and my child by having my cousins move in. No, not really, but the thought crosses my mind. A lot today. But not having to worry about child care is AWESOME and I really get along with her. Just getting used to a very loud three year old is tough. Not gonna lie. And the little things are bothersome. I just need to see the big picture. And she needs a job. Really needs a job. Because she gets crabby, he goes nuts and I get pissy. Not a good cycle. The winter blahs have moved in. Hopefully they will move out soon. The blahs that is.
Yesterday was fabulous, sans the sleeplessness. Mom got us girls tickets to see the Nutcracker at the Fox. So beautiful. I hadn't seen it since I was a kid. Anna was appropriately fascinated. I love the Fox and want to go back soon.
Its going to be a busy, busy week. Lots of junk, but goodness at the end. The new king sized bed gets delivered on Friday! Can't wait! I work on Friday night, though, and can't sleep again next Saturday, but hey! Saturday night will be awesome. If I can just keep that in mind.....