(no subject)
monday fun adventure, went to dentist, then to moms house where we made cactus soup. mom came home and took the cat to the vet, at which point we freaked out and bailed out quick. went and planted the cactus in the jungle, feel free to look for it if u want, u can make it an adventure. back to nicks, ate the mixture, but its too dilute cause we couldnt boil it down enough. nicks mom came home and we freaked out but finished eating it anyway cuase we decided what the hell. well they decided what the hell, i thought it was a bad idea cause his mom was home and we couldnt be loud, but they talked me into it. so then i was on mescaline and it wasnt really all that strong. so i said fuck it im intoxicated might as well make it memorable. so i gave everyone a hit of acid lol, except i accidentally gave myself 2 according to tk lol. then we were really fucked cause tks plan was to sleep on mescaline but u cant sleep on acid. we ended up watching beerfest. dumb movie but i guess it was entertaining in some ways. kicked ourselves out of nicks house cause we couldnt not be loud. nick is retarded and didnt bring shoes. tk was paranoid of cops so we couldnt walk, so we sat in our cars and low and behold a cop came by and turned around right at the top of nicks street. crazy. eventually we realized we could go to judys so tk got unscared. we ended up going along the greenbelt but right then he couldnt call her cause his phone just died. so instead we went to south park and sat and talked a lot about random stuff. that trip was way better than most with travis cuase he doesnt want to think about stuff and thats what acid is for, just thinking a lot. and i managed to get over sarah, if only for a time. i cant describe how good it felt to just not give one damn at all, let her do whatever the fuck she wanted, it was amazeing. i actually wanted her to do whatever the fuck she wanted, go fuck some random guy for all i care, cause i dont. then i realized if i dont care i need to reconsider what i want to do for school, at which point the entire planning thing came back into play, so i got to thinking id stick to the plan just cause its all i got. walked nick home then drove to judys house cause it was 5 am and we figured we were sober and no cops out or cars to hit. sat in the car for a long time tlaking about this and that. go us recorded on video. went and rang the doorbell and threw chapstick at the window. lue came down and opened the door and i guess thats bad. we slept in the downstairs. well he did, i couldnt sleep so i just rolled around
went to school, the stuff was easy but i was not picking it up at all, so i tried to compensate by takeing extra notes but my attention span didnt quite allow that. went back and picked up tk and got my tarrot read. said follow my gut and im gona be tested and use cation when following my gut but i really need to follow my gut and what im about go to thru is gona happen no matter what so i need to go thru it, but follow my instincts. its suppsosed to be a big turning point in my life but she doesnt kno what its about. could be business romance relationships or travel or anything. she ddint say anything about battles but she did say come back soon like next monday or earlier to get it read again, so i guess this is kinda supposed to happen soon even tho she said theres no real time limit on how soon it will happen. tk went to my house, talked and downloaded the program for programming, cleaned out the chips we spilt in his car. went to programming. during class he asked if i was tired lol, i said yes. i got a bit farther in my program but i swear its like everything i fix theres another thing thats wrong. ive had all of it done for 3 weeks but it wont get finished cuase stupid shit all over the place. none of it works. it finally reads the file correctly, and it does the mean correctly, but not the standard deviation, and i finally got it to do the output file correctly and the reason it wouldnt work is cause i told it read a different thing than i was telling it to name the file. blah.
today was last lab of chem. kinda crazy. i can have my shoes with me all the time now. wow updated a bunch of shit so now theres a ton of new things. i have to redo all of the stuff for my guys...too bad i hardly ever play anymore and im gona be working full time next semester so i wont have time to play. i suppose i shouldnt make such statements before i even apply for the job. came home and talked to sarah a lot. i followed my instinct like i was told, not that what i was told had much to do with my following my instinct. i think i fucked up. we both got really pissed off. my temples were pounding. she said we probably shouldnt talk for a while, im actually kinda surprised it took her so long, i was trying not to talk to her for a while already, but she keeps starting conversations with me for the past week. and of course i cant turn down a conversation from her even tho i knew it would screw me over. she said it didnt say anything about battles, i dont kno how much id consider it a battle but i can easily see how would construe it to beone. assumeing i did fuck that up it would be a turning point in my life, and shes right i dont think it could have been avoided. now im pissed. i cant sleep. im so sick and tired of trying to replan the direction of my life and then haveing new information come in ever 2-3 days and i feel like i should need to replan everything again. i came to a decision a while ago and decided to just say fuck it this solution works for everything im gona stick with it, and everyone says its a bad idea but nobody says theyre gona stop me and nobody has given me any other ideas. i dont kno what to do i feel so traped and pissed off and depressed. i took out the weights from the garage and started working out cause i want to hit something but i took shit for putting holes in the door last time and i dont want to hit ppl. those weights havent moved in over a year, they had cob webs on them. i did it till i couldnt move my amrs anymore and did sit ups till i couldnt move, but i still cant sleep, just stair at the ceiling and ask when it will end. when will i hit rock bottom so i can kno itll all get better soon. but the last time i asked when it would end i had no concept of reality, only of eternity and a loop. i wonder if im happier after going thru that extreme, that hell, that ill never have to worry about hitting the absolute rock bottom becuase nothing in reality can compete with that...but ill never kno if ive really hit the bottom of what reality can throw at me. i was getting happier, things started looking up, i had ambition again, some form of a goal. now its just....fuck, my official word...im gona get back to working out
went to school, the stuff was easy but i was not picking it up at all, so i tried to compensate by takeing extra notes but my attention span didnt quite allow that. went back and picked up tk and got my tarrot read. said follow my gut and im gona be tested and use cation when following my gut but i really need to follow my gut and what im about go to thru is gona happen no matter what so i need to go thru it, but follow my instincts. its suppsosed to be a big turning point in my life but she doesnt kno what its about. could be business romance relationships or travel or anything. she ddint say anything about battles but she did say come back soon like next monday or earlier to get it read again, so i guess this is kinda supposed to happen soon even tho she said theres no real time limit on how soon it will happen. tk went to my house, talked and downloaded the program for programming, cleaned out the chips we spilt in his car. went to programming. during class he asked if i was tired lol, i said yes. i got a bit farther in my program but i swear its like everything i fix theres another thing thats wrong. ive had all of it done for 3 weeks but it wont get finished cuase stupid shit all over the place. none of it works. it finally reads the file correctly, and it does the mean correctly, but not the standard deviation, and i finally got it to do the output file correctly and the reason it wouldnt work is cause i told it read a different thing than i was telling it to name the file. blah.
today was last lab of chem. kinda crazy. i can have my shoes with me all the time now. wow updated a bunch of shit so now theres a ton of new things. i have to redo all of the stuff for my guys...too bad i hardly ever play anymore and im gona be working full time next semester so i wont have time to play. i suppose i shouldnt make such statements before i even apply for the job. came home and talked to sarah a lot. i followed my instinct like i was told, not that what i was told had much to do with my following my instinct. i think i fucked up. we both got really pissed off. my temples were pounding. she said we probably shouldnt talk for a while, im actually kinda surprised it took her so long, i was trying not to talk to her for a while already, but she keeps starting conversations with me for the past week. and of course i cant turn down a conversation from her even tho i knew it would screw me over. she said it didnt say anything about battles, i dont kno how much id consider it a battle but i can easily see how would construe it to beone. assumeing i did fuck that up it would be a turning point in my life, and shes right i dont think it could have been avoided. now im pissed. i cant sleep. im so sick and tired of trying to replan the direction of my life and then haveing new information come in ever 2-3 days and i feel like i should need to replan everything again. i came to a decision a while ago and decided to just say fuck it this solution works for everything im gona stick with it, and everyone says its a bad idea but nobody says theyre gona stop me and nobody has given me any other ideas. i dont kno what to do i feel so traped and pissed off and depressed. i took out the weights from the garage and started working out cause i want to hit something but i took shit for putting holes in the door last time and i dont want to hit ppl. those weights havent moved in over a year, they had cob webs on them. i did it till i couldnt move my amrs anymore and did sit ups till i couldnt move, but i still cant sleep, just stair at the ceiling and ask when it will end. when will i hit rock bottom so i can kno itll all get better soon. but the last time i asked when it would end i had no concept of reality, only of eternity and a loop. i wonder if im happier after going thru that extreme, that hell, that ill never have to worry about hitting the absolute rock bottom becuase nothing in reality can compete with that...but ill never kno if ive really hit the bottom of what reality can throw at me. i was getting happier, things started looking up, i had ambition again, some form of a goal. now its just....fuck, my official word...im gona get back to working out