....And i silently watched you walk away.....
Why do i love people?Why do i miss people? I mean i even love the people who i hate or who hate me. I love them but why do i continue to let them hurt me?I know that makes no sense probably becuase my wording is all fucked up but How come i just stand there like a nerotic idiot LOSER and just take this abuse? why do i take their cruel words that only lead to my depression? I have cried many many nights over these stupid issues and stupid words that people have included me in or have said to me. Do you really think i want to here you say im worthless? do you really think out of your Right mind,that i want to hear that im not loved? I dont get some sort of sick demented lonely pleasure of how other people fucking see me. I'd radther you say "i love you" radther than "i hate you,i hate your fucking guts,your worthless,you mean nothing to me NOTHING!" I know this only sounds like im complaing. but your mouth.....sucks.I know i dont have to take your shit but its just SO hard to walk away. Its hard to forget about you and stop caring and stop loving you....and then to never turn back? i could never do that. I could never just Stop every feeling and forget every moment that we shared together....without ever wondering...........was it really my mouth that made you upset or was it hers? did you really hear those cruel words from my mouth or someone who used to be your friend and NOW is your friend? Im not gonna say i didnt do anything,because i did do something, but that was because i was angry. I was angry at you for what she told that you said. come to find you never said any of that. I believed you when you said you didnt say those things.....so why dont you believe me? we both heard the same lies from the same person,but i guess she is blinding you with her charm and friendship ability of which yall ONCE did have and your not seeing for a back stabbing lieing ass bitch that she is. I love you why cant you see that? I would never do or say anything to hurt you,your my best friend MY SOUL MATE my lover (in a non-lesbian way) you always said these things to me and now......now its like none of these words were ever said.like everything we ever had was just thrown away. Sam you meant he world to me. I would never want to ruin what we had. Honestly.
And here i stand like a retard wondering if after you read this if any of it will mean Anything to you. Your not the only person im having difficulties with...there is also him. So i've heard that you or her has told him things that i did not say. So THANX! now HE HATES ME! oh no i am so grateful or your gratitude....it has been a pleasure to have your company in my life. My ass you knwo as well as me that i have not opened my mouth and said shit about ANYONE,eexcept for when i complain about you hating me and right now while im writing this. but other than that and this i have not said anything at all. I love you dont get me wrong but one of these days all your lies are gonna catch up to you and cut your fucking throat and i'll be the one laughing as i watch you bleed on the ground. So until then.....have fun talkin shit about me and continue on your great ability to make me look like a fuckin bitch!
all is well here in hell.
<3 Jamie