[Fanfic] 'On the Other Side of the Pillow' Prussia/Germany
Title: On the Other Side of the Pillow
Character(s): teen!Germany, Prussia, Austria
Pairing(s): Prussia/Germany
Rating: 18+
Warnings: sex; use of sedatives; Germany in Lederhosen
Summary: Prussia is ashamed of his feelings for Germany and hides them. He doesn't know that Germany is trapped in an even worse snare. He remains clueless about Germany's nightly visits to his bedroom and that he is being molested. (story taking place before the Austro-Prussian War)
A/N: Yeah, um, I've got Ludwig in Lederhosen here, hope you won't hurt me for the stereotype… The first part of the chapter has the explanations I promised last time, the second part returns to present time of the story.
Beta'd by raecat
- Chapter 3 -
None of what Ludwig was doing happened quickly. Progress, though steady, has been very slow.
By midsummer 1864 the fighting with Denmark was over, and by then Ludwig's transformation too has taken place. Gilbert and Ludwig's mutual attraction was immediate. Soon thereafter, they began to enjoy each other's company more than ever, both equally unaware of their feelings being reciprocated.
Important advances were attained only gradually − it was in November when Ludwig first saw his brother's naked body by accident, and this long preceded the day when he could touch it. He disturbed the peace of Gilbert's bedroom for the first time in the early months of 1865, and even then he only grazed Gilbert's lips with his own once and kissed his cheek before retreating to his own territory. It took months of hard work and courage before he could do what he was doing now, months of guilt and fear before he was able to face the new day without having to shed tears of remorse. Then, at last, he set a steady course, aware that he couldn't bear without the nightly visits anymore, knowing that his feelings weren't mere sexual inclinations.
Gilbert appeared to him just like his future partner ought to be. There was no formality or stiffness between them − he felt at ease with his brother, loved his honesty and openness. His relations to Roderich were different. Ludwig called him uncle with a purpose, for he had no desire upon the Austrian-neither to unite, marry, nor spend his life with him.
He wasted nearly three agonizing months in obscure daydreaming about his brother, swimming in a hazy gray mist of hopelessness for far too long. All chances of a romance with Gilbert looked bleak, despite his young desires encouraging him to reveal his secret and tell Gilbert how enamored he was. It all changed however.
He had the singular fortune of witnessing a strange occurrence.
His brother suffered a terrible headache, and was given bromide as a remedy after he couldn't fall asleep for hours. It came to Ludwig in an epiphany that he could use the same method for his own purpose. Before this, he had been in a serious state of doubt whether to do something, but his usually nimble mind shattered within seconds because of this simple revelation.
He could have sat back to suffer quietly, but he had other, even more ambitious plans. His judgment grew weaker when it ought to have further matured. After months of adoring his brother from afar, he began drifting into some kind of urgent insanity. His pining for Gilbert was piling up more and more, his erstwhile brotherly affection turned into an obsession, and soon an odd circumstance presented itself to him. As he first saw Gilbert asking for tea, he thought it to be a subtle way to secretly spike his drink with bromide.
No sooner had a cozy fire and steaming tea become Gilbert's addiction, he began to acquire generous quantities of the sedative from the kitchen chamberlain. As of then, he amassed all his supplies in his bedroom and hid them there, roaming for an opportunity to use them on his brother.
The procedure was somewhat complicated, and the very thought of it introduced guilt to his chest.
Ludwig not only had to remove the evidences of his deeds and depart from his brother's room unnoticed, but to prepare his own body as well. He tried all kinds of food that some people claimed to have aphrodisiacal qualities such as chilies, chocolate, licorice, scallops, olives, and anchovies. Regardless of if the supposed aphrodisiacs had any effect or not, he continued exploring his body-gentle, playful touches at first- progressing fast. The thorough preparation both excited and relaxed him and it wasn't long before he could masturbate with several fingers in himself, until it became not only comfortable but pleasurable too. He knew, though, that he would have to learn to relax further once he got to ride Gilbert, for he was much thicker than fingers. Thus, he kept exploring himself more before deciding to visit the Prussian at night for the first time, and gave himself a luxurious amount of time to get entirely used to the new sensations.
For a long time he balked at adding the sedative into the tea, and after several feckless attempts at starting the feat, his spirits revived at last, and persuaded him to finally take action.
When he judged it to be the right moment, he acted.
As he imagined it, so it was. At least with a number of his expectations-Gilbert was fast asleep on his bed, and underneath all the clothes he found that body he was pining after for months. Yet his own reactions differed from what he had imagined.
He was petrified and frightened. He was sweating. He was terrified.
He was afraid of touching his own body.
After a long wait, he dared to kiss Gilbert's lips and draw his fingers down his naked chest, gently, dreading most that his brother would wake up at some hour. He allowed himself to advance across Gilbert's body with great caution, but every murmur struck him, and his fear banished all other urges and needs.
The horror of Gilbert waking and catching him red-handed soon outweighed all other feelings. Grateful that he has at least seen him naked again, Ludwig left after few hours, fled, and locked himself in his room. He waited until his fear wore off and his mind grew more composed before going for a new visit.
His second visit saw no drastic change compared to the previous one.
He crept on all-fours across Gilbert's bed, and stood still beside the sleeping nation for a good hour in a conflict of passion and penitents, musing what he should do in case Gilbert woke up. His heart would shrink at every sigh; his blood would run chill at each little movement.
The eagerness of his fancy prevailed though − he was resolved to continue his nightly visits until he could carry out what he had planned from the beginning, and so the strange ritual was born which has thrown him into a pit he couldn't climb out of. The reins on his own desire were too slack, the kindling lust made him insensible of the tragic mistake he has made.
Ludwig planned all his visits beforehand, with a sedulous attention to detail. He remained cautious and stood guard. His blood still curdled whenever he heard a noise, but his greatest dread was to hear Gilbert's wrathful voice, his greatest fear that Gilbert would disown him if he found out.
But Gilbert lay sound asleep, despite his touches, despite all noise, and these observations convinced Ludwig that nothing could wake his brother up.
He managed to throw himself into a coughing fit when he first opened his mouth to try fitting Gilbert's entire length in, but despite his initial clumsiness, he proved very dexterous in this after a short practice. So dexterous, in fact, that he wished to perform fellatio on Gilbert awake only to see the results.
It was an odd sensation when he first lowered himself on his brother's erection. He felt less comfortable than with all previous penetration, but it was tolerable. A fear-boosted burst of adrenalin obliterated all pain. The thought that it was Gilbert who filled him dulled all ache to nothing, and he never breathed a murmur, even after the fullness became incredibly pleasurable. Excitement was building up quickly, the tempo with which he mounted his brother sent a huge rush of ecstatic sensations through his inexperienced body, bringing him to an orgasm faster than he had expected.
After the evidence has been cleared, his supplies safe under lock and key, he assured himself that he was safe and began to reconstruct the actions he did the nights before.
It was done.
He took advantage of Gilbert and lost his own virginity to him.
His body calmed down quickly, his love and sexual interest began to ripen further. The discomfort he felt gradually ebbed away, and he accommodated to Gilbert's length until he felt nothing but satisfaction and pleasure. As a lover, he was far from being able to compete with Gilbert in variety of knowledge, but the small portion he did know he studied to the very details.
This pattern, regardless of circumstances, was repeated every week.
Ludwig feared in the beginning that his actions were a moral poison which threatened to contaminate Prussia, to taint his pure soul. He smiled in his brother's face, he spoke so innocently that Gilbert couldn't possibly distrust him, but all the time he felt a powerful regret-guilt was his greatest nemesis.
It took him months to learn to look at the brighter side of his poor condition, to start to observe his visits as a secret source of comfort. It took him an eternity to understand that his sins couldn't taint his brother's honor.
And all his new-found courage was destroyed by one single blow.
It happened on a dark night in late winter that he dared to leave Gilbert's bedroom without previously having ensured that there was no danger of being discovered. Without apprehensions, he stepped out and let the colder air embrace his still dazed body and mind, and though he walked on tip-toes, his presence was discovered by an unexpected witness.
Roderich stood at the end of the hall in his nightwear, and not even the glimmering candle in Ludwig's hand nor its warm light could conceal the paleness of his features when the older nation stopped to look at him. There was a tint of natural confusion in Roderich's eyes, but also suspicion. Distrust.
The excruciating squeak of Roderich's shoes as he turned away without a word sent Ludwig scrambling through the opposite side of the hall. That mild cynicism that marred the Austrian's features gave Ludwig a gradual, sickening sense of what to expect. He managed to increase his misfortune by his own folly.
This encounter scared him for a short period only − as Roderich didn't show signs of having truly perceived full implications of what he saw, Ludwig's visits continued in a tireless cycle, and he looked forward to them with greatest trepidation. He savored each visit as if it were the last one before his execution.
No one could ever possibly understand him. Not a single soul could know how wicked it felt to do this to his own brother; how confusing it was to have Gilbert, yet not have him at all.
* * *
Gilbert helped himself to a plate of nougat that stood innocently in front of him and Roderich.
He could only distantly make out the buzz of voices around them, mentally remote, tightening his grip on his Bierstein which was decorated by enameling and a carved Prussian eagle.*
Roderich next to him was lavishly sugaring his tea, and the little morning party was in full swing, when suddenly Ludwig entered the dining room. And it was not only his brother's presence, but his attire which set Gilbert's blood into ferment, sent sweet terror to his heart.
His brother donned a pair of fetching kurze, those adorable short boys' Lederhosen, shorter than men's, for Ludwig still looked around 16 years of human age. Although boys' Lederhosen usually lacked embroidery, Ludwig's black laponia leather was elaborately decorated with white embroidered designs, paired with equally white knee-socks hugging his legs, a light short-sleeved shirt neatly tucked into the soft leather. One glimpse lower revealed to Gilbert a pair of handsome, delightfully small black leather shoes with side closure hooks.
The Lederhosen were an excellent example of German Tracht which Ludwig carefully selected from his wardrobe, a clothing which he planned to wear for today, even though it felt uneasy for him, awkward even, to wear such clothes in a palace.**
What Ludwig wasn't aware of was that his Lederhosen attracted erotic interest in onlookers − less in some, more in others − but to Gilbert they concealed more than they revealed. The mere sight of Ludwig enchanted him. Oozing sexual attraction towards the younger German, he stifled a wanton whine, his pale fingers brushed over the fine, handmade cravings of the pewter lid in a gentle, caressing movement while he watched the milky skin of Ludwig's exposed thighs.
The suspenders were crossed over his back, clung to his white shirt on the front, hinting at the lean body underneath that was growing stronger with each day, and despite exposing his legs, the entire apparel gave Ludwig an air of masculine invulnerability and authority.
The Prussian was still reeling from the shock while Ludwig wandered through the dining saloon without approaching them, a feeling that changed into one of ecstatic worship which gave vent to Gilbert's latent lust as scarlet eyes followed the blond around the room. He desired Ludwig with such intensity that the feeling alone made him fiercely cling to his hopes of being unified with Germany someday.
It was ridiculous and humiliating that he had to hold himself back, to hide his deepest feelings; it was idiotic, but he wouldn't-he couldn't-take advantage of Ludwig's youth and innocence. What hindered him the most wasn't fear anymore, it was the thought that he wanted to seduce his little brother, give him sexual knowledge in return for his lost innocence, that tortured his conscience-stricken mind, and all his hopes were blighted by his cowardice and shame.
"If I get drunk, that's out of sorrow, for I won't be the one standing to Ludwig's left side when he gets married." Gilbert sighed pitifully. He kept his voice low. Ludwig had a distressing knack for turning him into a slobbering mess, and he was maudlin after being affected by alcohol − keeping quiet was a clever way of preventing the room from being flooded with gossip. Waiters could easily overhear conversations during meals when tongues were sometimes loosened by too much alcohol; they were experts at listening and putting together odd snippets of conversation.
Roderich shook his head and kept fanning himself with a folded napkin.
"If he gets married. Few nations today enter into matrimony." The Austrian commented with mild distaste which Gilbert didn't catch as Ludwig was holding his fascinated attention. The brunette was observant and distrusting of Ludwig. Even though he was young, he could well be a wolf in sheep's clothing, something that Gilbert failed to understand.
"Don't whine and snivel," Roderich added, sending ripples of pain through Gilbert's chest. "You look ridiculous, you benighted fool." The Austrian squished his heart and flung it back at him.
Gilbert pursed his lips, opened them-but said nothing.
He didn't believe Roderich. He knew the Austrian would never say anything to his benefit. But he also knew that, at least in this matter, Roderich was right. He could never have Ludwig, and Ludwig never deceived him into thinking he shared his feelings either.
The atmosphere thawed and Gilbert continued watching his brother quietly, but this drew no notice from Roderich anymore.
Through rising excitement, Gilbert saw Ludwig's approaching gaze, but when the younger German caught his stare for the first time, he gave him a puzzled look and shrugged it off, dismissed the whole event as a mere trifle since he didn't want to mistake innuendo for fact, not aware of how wrong he was.
To Be Continued…
Notes:
* The word Bierstein is a shortened form of Steinzeugkrug, which is German for stoneware jug or tankard. Example
** Tracht is a traditional national costume in German-speaking countries.
A/N: Yes, Roderich knows of Gilbert's feelings for Ludwig, and he suspects Ludwig feels the same, but he doesn't want to act as a mediator. Why? Well… *laughs*
Again, I'm sorry for taking so long to update, but, God willing, I shall post regular updates from next chapter on.