(no subject)
So its been along time....Im still here...
So I have been doing alot of thinking lately and I have decided that on so many levels I need to kinda grow up, mature and take on responsibility. I AM 20. Yet I am leading a life of that much younger. I think I had more responsibility when I was 17 than I do know. And thats not a good thing. I look around at my peers and have to see everyone thriving, becoming adults, growing into the person they are to be, all the while, me stuck in a constant stage of irresponsibility and immaturity. I have been back well over a month and now and am still not working. I still dont have my own place. Im as well off here as I was in New York. I need to work. I believe thats part of the reason as to why I feel I have no self worth. No pride in the things I do. I have been living off people for to long and I need to change that. I need to come to the realization, that my social life may interfer with what needs to be done, and tho I dont like it, I need to do it anyway. I cant keep putting things off any longer.
I have also come to the realization that in a way, SOMEONE is telling me that I dont need someone else in my life to interfer with the things I am seeing I need to do. I have tried to see someone since Ive been back and both times something has happened and nothing has become of it. So, in my new thinking, its because I need to get my life together before I focus on anyone other than me.
I want to go to school. I want to take dance and vocals. I want to see things. I want to work. I want to support myself. I want all these things and yet I dont want to work for them and im slowly starting to realize that these things can not come to me in life without working for them. As much as I want, things arent getting handed to me. Nothing gets handed to me. Things are slowly starting to come to me. The way things should be and need to be rather than the way I want to be.
So everyonce, wish me luck on the new me. I really wanna try to change this time.
So I have been doing alot of thinking lately and I have decided that on so many levels I need to kinda grow up, mature and take on responsibility. I AM 20. Yet I am leading a life of that much younger. I think I had more responsibility when I was 17 than I do know. And thats not a good thing. I look around at my peers and have to see everyone thriving, becoming adults, growing into the person they are to be, all the while, me stuck in a constant stage of irresponsibility and immaturity. I have been back well over a month and now and am still not working. I still dont have my own place. Im as well off here as I was in New York. I need to work. I believe thats part of the reason as to why I feel I have no self worth. No pride in the things I do. I have been living off people for to long and I need to change that. I need to come to the realization, that my social life may interfer with what needs to be done, and tho I dont like it, I need to do it anyway. I cant keep putting things off any longer.
I have also come to the realization that in a way, SOMEONE is telling me that I dont need someone else in my life to interfer with the things I am seeing I need to do. I have tried to see someone since Ive been back and both times something has happened and nothing has become of it. So, in my new thinking, its because I need to get my life together before I focus on anyone other than me.
I want to go to school. I want to take dance and vocals. I want to see things. I want to work. I want to support myself. I want all these things and yet I dont want to work for them and im slowly starting to realize that these things can not come to me in life without working for them. As much as I want, things arent getting handed to me. Nothing gets handed to me. Things are slowly starting to come to me. The way things should be and need to be rather than the way I want to be.
So everyonce, wish me luck on the new me. I really wanna try to change this time.