Power Outage Survival Guide
Because I believe in the tagline: 'Friends don't let friends drive drunk', I’ve decided to pass on pearls of wisdom I've recently garnered from surviving my almost all day power outage.
And if you’re asking: Why would I torment you with this crap? Well, because that's what friends are for. *If anyone immediately thought of Dionne Warrick’s ‘That's What Friends are For’ song... you're flipping old… just like me* :D
Anyhoo, here we go:
6 Tips That Can Save Your Life - Or At Least Make It More Comfortable - During a Power Outage
1. Be sure to load up on cheese 'n crackers and plenty of fresh fruit because amazingly, the microwave does not work during this period. Who'd a thunk it?
2. If you're addicted to crushed ice like me - forget it. For some strange reason the fridge’s ice maker is just as dead as Mr. Wavy. Somebody really needs to start looking into this. Or, at the very least invent some everyday auxiliary powered kitchen appliances. In the mean time tho, my advice is to practice drinking room temperature beverages at least once a week to avoid gagging during a power crisis.
3. If you've procrastinated purchasing a Micro SD storage card for your Blackberry or in my case simply never got around to loading it up with your favorite movies - don't friggin delay another second. The Internet is a cold harsh place to be wondering around in on your BB when all you wanna do is stretch out on your bed and watch a movie. Geeze!
4. If you live with someone and you can hear them mumbling something on their cellphone and then they quickly get ready and bolt out the door - pitch the hell up and go with them. Don't worry that you were parading around in your undies, your hair hasn't been combed in days, your breath probably stinks, and you haven't got any shoes on. Bottom line is - they know where electricity is on. And apparently, there's some unspoken rule amongst friends/family that you’ve never known about that renders every man, woman, child, and goldfish for themselves during a power outage. Go figure. Anyway, if you’re anything like me and can’t be bothered to follow rules - try to… cling… cling…. cling.
5. Make it a habit to shower everyday - preferably early in the mornings. Contrary to popular belief, Lady's Speed Stick 'Shower Fresh' is only copacetic for more than a day if you have electricity and you’re not sweating like a hog. How do I know how a hog sweats you ask? Simple. Park your butt in a house for more than six hours without electricity, heat wave temperatures, and you’re just too lazy to go to the mall - where you’re sure they’ve got power - then you’ll know.
6. And lastly, the tidbit that makes Nugget No. 5 essential - don't ever get a freaking electric water heater for your home. The minute power goes, so does that shit. All hopes of catching a quick semi-warm shower goes out the door, along with your friend; who refuses to allow your stinky hip in their car as they head off to parts unknown… most likely the mall. Now, if your hearts really set of this type of heater or you figure yourself to be a damn Yeti who thinks rivers of icicles’ cascading down your spine is a little bit of heaven on earth - feel free.
Alright friends, Romans, countrymen you can keep your ears because that’s it for now. The power is back on and that’s all I’ve got. If I’m ever in an unfortunate situation like this again (probabl-
1 hr 23 minutes later…
Okay. Time for some more rules.
7. If you’re ever writing a guide on tips to surviving a power outage on your computer - save, save, save your work. It makes no sense having the answer to the world’s, ok, some people’s survival buried far, far in the electronic spaces between the zeros and ones of your hard drive. Or, on the lined paper of that notebook that you had to dust the cobwebs off just to finish this thought.
8. And last of the last - don’t buy a cheap-ass UPS simply because it’s cute and goes great with your room décor. Get yourself a functional unit that’ll be able to properly support your system and allow you to power it off without any nasty side effects or strange humming noises when power comes back on.
Alrighty then. I think I better stop here while I’m ahead. I won’t say until next time *pauses to save work* because I don’t want to jinx it.