alrighty, so...
let's update.
last time we left off on the beau show...
it was jan 18th, and i'd had a two-week period of being bored the f*** out of my mind, since everyone i knew had already gone back to school and i still had to wait till late jan. in that period of time, i finished both halo and halo 2, an admirable feat seeing as how i don't play videogames that much. i finally got out of town (naturally) and life resumed in long beach.
i caught up on my movies, and saw what i felt were the three best films of last year in match point, the new world, and manderlay. all surprised me, astounded me, and manderlay especially left me in awe. i couldn't speak during the credits of that film. that's how much it impacted me. i've also entered the world of swedish director ingmar bergman, long declared as one of the greatest living directors and its easy to see why. i'd already caught his 'seventh seal' first semester, and this one i saw 'winter light', 'through a glass darkly', and 'wild strawberries'. strawberries i felt suffered mainly because of the format i viewed it on, (vhs, and subtitles were all jumbled up) otherwise i'm sure i'd like it a lot more. through a glass darkly was magnificent, and winter light can lay claim to being one of the greatest films i've ever seen. hands down. it broke my heart and it flat out knocked me to the ground. it's with before sunset, on that level. it's that good.
btw, brokeback deserved best pic. yeah i have crash as a background (from over a year ago, mind you) and i did admire it deeply, but it also had a great deal of flaws that i couldn't get over. am i biased as to the whole brokeback pheonomenon? of course. who isnt? but as a picture, in terms of its quality and its structure and its craftsmanship, it was rivaled only by munich.
personal life...
so, as is always the case with me, i meet a guy. wonderful guy, awesome guy, works in a sex shop, cute as can be. and, as is always the case with me, the boy is taken by another wonderful guy (who looks and acts like me, incidentally). beau can't help fallng, naturally, but beau doesn't want to fuck things up for the two of them, naturally. he supresses emotion for a month, feels like he has an anvil permanently attached to his chest, and finally tells the boy. boy is wonderful about it, but loves boyfriend too much and beau doesn't want to fuck things up anyway. all goes back to normal, but beau still has yearnings for kid but tries not to admit it to himself or to friends (yet they already know).
and now, i feel as though our friendship is on the downfall. hints here and there, and i don't want that. i don't like that. i really, really like this guy. he is, one of the most interesting, involving and wonderful people i've ever met, and i don't want to let go of that friendship. and at the same time, i have deep feelings for him still... but maybe i don't. i don't know, i must i'd think. because i can handle myself in any situation unless it comes to a crush. and yeah, i'd like to say its love, but that word is abused enough as is without me throwing it another punch. let's just say that this will be one of those unrequited loves that go into your past and stay there. it'll haunt me, of course, but even if he did like me, i couldn't do anything... i like the bf too much to f*** things up there. it's just another predicament that only i get myself into. but i already know how to get out... i go home, i work, continue working out, come back and realize that i've gone a month without seeing him, feel like i've changed (even though i haven't much). feel like i've progressed, realize this as being a past feeling, move on and add him into the area of great friend. that's how it's gotta be.
beyond that, i have a wife and i am her gay husband. she is the most scintellating character you can imagine, and i love her with all my heart. i have more friends at college, and those from first semester i've bonded with even deeper, and i'm just very thankful to have the veil in front of my eyes taken off. there are a few distinct moments where i'm cruising with people or going into a place when i realize, holy shit. i'm in la. i'm in the real world. in all its imperfections and violence and ingnorance and loud-mouthed a$$holes... i'm here. it's just great to learn things, have experiences, go partying and get shit-faced, get high, have deep intellectual conversations about the meaning of life, walk down the beach at 2 a.m., rush to get a paper done, go to ralphs at 1 because your stoner roommate's got the munchies.
it's just one of the best years of my life, hands down. here's to hoping it continues (knock on wood).
pic taken today:
last time we left off on the beau show...
it was jan 18th, and i'd had a two-week period of being bored the f*** out of my mind, since everyone i knew had already gone back to school and i still had to wait till late jan. in that period of time, i finished both halo and halo 2, an admirable feat seeing as how i don't play videogames that much. i finally got out of town (naturally) and life resumed in long beach.
i caught up on my movies, and saw what i felt were the three best films of last year in match point, the new world, and manderlay. all surprised me, astounded me, and manderlay especially left me in awe. i couldn't speak during the credits of that film. that's how much it impacted me. i've also entered the world of swedish director ingmar bergman, long declared as one of the greatest living directors and its easy to see why. i'd already caught his 'seventh seal' first semester, and this one i saw 'winter light', 'through a glass darkly', and 'wild strawberries'. strawberries i felt suffered mainly because of the format i viewed it on, (vhs, and subtitles were all jumbled up) otherwise i'm sure i'd like it a lot more. through a glass darkly was magnificent, and winter light can lay claim to being one of the greatest films i've ever seen. hands down. it broke my heart and it flat out knocked me to the ground. it's with before sunset, on that level. it's that good.
btw, brokeback deserved best pic. yeah i have crash as a background (from over a year ago, mind you) and i did admire it deeply, but it also had a great deal of flaws that i couldn't get over. am i biased as to the whole brokeback pheonomenon? of course. who isnt? but as a picture, in terms of its quality and its structure and its craftsmanship, it was rivaled only by munich.
personal life...
so, as is always the case with me, i meet a guy. wonderful guy, awesome guy, works in a sex shop, cute as can be. and, as is always the case with me, the boy is taken by another wonderful guy (who looks and acts like me, incidentally). beau can't help fallng, naturally, but beau doesn't want to fuck things up for the two of them, naturally. he supresses emotion for a month, feels like he has an anvil permanently attached to his chest, and finally tells the boy. boy is wonderful about it, but loves boyfriend too much and beau doesn't want to fuck things up anyway. all goes back to normal, but beau still has yearnings for kid but tries not to admit it to himself or to friends (yet they already know).
and now, i feel as though our friendship is on the downfall. hints here and there, and i don't want that. i don't like that. i really, really like this guy. he is, one of the most interesting, involving and wonderful people i've ever met, and i don't want to let go of that friendship. and at the same time, i have deep feelings for him still... but maybe i don't. i don't know, i must i'd think. because i can handle myself in any situation unless it comes to a crush. and yeah, i'd like to say its love, but that word is abused enough as is without me throwing it another punch. let's just say that this will be one of those unrequited loves that go into your past and stay there. it'll haunt me, of course, but even if he did like me, i couldn't do anything... i like the bf too much to f*** things up there. it's just another predicament that only i get myself into. but i already know how to get out... i go home, i work, continue working out, come back and realize that i've gone a month without seeing him, feel like i've changed (even though i haven't much). feel like i've progressed, realize this as being a past feeling, move on and add him into the area of great friend. that's how it's gotta be.
beyond that, i have a wife and i am her gay husband. she is the most scintellating character you can imagine, and i love her with all my heart. i have more friends at college, and those from first semester i've bonded with even deeper, and i'm just very thankful to have the veil in front of my eyes taken off. there are a few distinct moments where i'm cruising with people or going into a place when i realize, holy shit. i'm in la. i'm in the real world. in all its imperfections and violence and ingnorance and loud-mouthed a$$holes... i'm here. it's just great to learn things, have experiences, go partying and get shit-faced, get high, have deep intellectual conversations about the meaning of life, walk down the beach at 2 a.m., rush to get a paper done, go to ralphs at 1 because your stoner roommate's got the munchies.
it's just one of the best years of my life, hands down. here's to hoping it continues (knock on wood).
pic taken today: